Flare-Ups, Squeaky Brakes, and Thankful Hearts

Fall is doing its steady march toward winter, and Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  I know time does not in actuality move any faster each year, but the feeling of it moving extra swiftly is real.

The past month has been full of life.  I’ve been staying up late at night, finishing projects that require silence, as silence is hard to come by around here before 10pm.  So naturally I’ve been sleeping in a bit later as well.  Yesterday, Betty came to snuggle with me.  She convinced me it was time to get up, because, “Look!  The sunshine is awake!”  She has been full of so many funnies, I don’t even write half of them down.  Yesterday there was a spider crawling on the ground.  Not a normal sight in our house, and she was more freaked out than I thought she would be.  After awhile of being on the couch, she starting dancing up and down and said how she had to go potty.  She didn’t want to leave the couch because of the spider (which was long gone by now).  She even tried to talk herself out of being scared.  “Spiders don’t live in houses.  They live on spider webs.”  It didn’t work.  “I’m scared of spiders.  I don’t know where to go.”  Elsie had the perfect solution: walk on the floor all around the carpet, and don’t touch the carpet where the spider was last seen.  Problem solved.  Their cute little feet tip-toed all around the carpet and walked to the bathroom.  She also loves to sing.  Sometimes she pulls out my guitar and sings all about Jesus.  At the particular moment one of these was taken, she was singing a song about Jesus and rock-climbing on a mountain.  2014-11-16 15.01.54 2014-11-14 18.23.40
We were looking at pictures yesterday, and Betty kept thinking photos of Elsie were of her.  We determined it was their hair that seemed so similar.  She looked at Elsie, stroked her hair and said, “I know.  Now your hair is growed up!”  I’m not the only one amazed at how time is passing.

This weekend we went to see some friends in a ballet of Snow White.  I took the girls, and it was absolutely hilarious sitting next to Betty.  She followed the story really well, but her ongoing commentary was a hoot.  At one point, she was watching one ballerina, who was supposed to be a bird, doing some flying leaps in the air.  She whispered loud enough for everyone around us to hear and chuckle, “How does she do that?!  You know, mommy, birds can’t dance.  They fly.”

Elsie is an avid reader.  Her favorite place to read is the top of the stairs, after everyone has gone to bed.  We can hear her voice, drifting down the stairs, and it usually gets louder the longer she reads.  She is keeping track of how many hours she reads, and I believe it is up to fourteen hours.  She certainly keeps us on our toes.  She is my faithful companion when it comes to running errands or tidying the house.  She has been reading a book about astronomy, which led us to a discussion about how the earth is floating, and she said in an awed voice, “God is just doing His powers right now!” 2014-11-20 14.36.13
Jack is wrestling again.  A few weekends ago, Matthew took the boys to a wrestling tournament and Jack got third place.  Elijah wrestled as well and got fifth place.  Jack has decided to stick with it for the rest of the season, and it’s fun to watch him.  He is also becoming more of a reader.  He even brought his book to the grocery store last week, and was seen reading in the cart.  This was a first.  Jack takes up a lot of energy, but his heart is solid.  2014-11-15 14.50.29
The blur that is Jack, pretty much sums up how he lives life.
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Elijah just turned eleven!  While the boys were at the wrestling tournament, the girls, Matt’s mom, and I all worked hard to switch up bedrooms to surprise them.  Nadine has her own room again, the girls came downstairs, and the attic is now a boy haven.  The exclamation point up there is the drum set we got Elijah for his birthday.  He is a gifted musician, and it’s fun to hear him improving on the piano and drums.  He is pretty sure his voice is changing, and though it’s scratchy some days, I’m not convinced yet.
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Nadine claims she is constantly hungry, which could be the contributing factor to the extra inch in height she has seemed to procure lately.  Yes, she is taller than me.  She loves to write, and is currently working on a fabulous chapter book for kids.  She babysits regularly and gets a lot of practice with her own siblings.  She is currently taking a small break from horseback riding, but is excited to get back in the saddle soon.  I love her zest for life, though it often makes me feel exhausted.  Much of what she says and does makes me chuckle, when I remember how similar I was at twelve.  2014-11-05 12.55.44
Matthew had a scare at the beginning of the month, which sent us down to Jefferson Hospital.  Turns out it was not as bad as we were thinking, but there was enough inflammation to get our attention.  Then this week his voice started to take a downhill turn again.  After today’s appointment with his Rheumatologist, it was determined he will begin Rituxan infusions again to see if we can nip this in the bud before it gets to be where he was a year and a half ago.  We are thankful.  When he talks and I hear his voice catch and sound hoarse, I immediately give my fears back to the God who knows exactly what’s going on inside his body.  Every day is so incredibly precious with this man I love.2014-11-04 16.54.17
The snow forecasted for today has started to fall.  Our van is in the shop, getting its embarrassingly squeaky brakes fixed.  I actually have gotten wide-eyed looks from people as I pull into a parking spot and come to a stop.  They look like they would like to throw something at me for the pain I’ve caused their ears.  I pretend like I didn’t hear anything.  Squeak?  What squeak?  Last month our friend did some body work on it.  I am embarrassed to say, but I backed into a boat trailer one September afternoon.  Thankfully, the trailer suffered only a broken tail light.  Oceanus was worse for the wear.  On top of that, I could barely get gas in the tank because there was a small metal flap that had broken off and was hanging in such a way so the pump nozzle would get stuck.  So, one night Matthew was trying to fix it.  He had a pencil in his hand to hold up one side of the piece, while he tried to bend it with some pliers.  It was dark.  He was holding three things with two hands.  It happened.  He walked in the door and I said, “You did not.”  He did.  The pencil dropped into the gas tank.  It was actually kind of funny.  Even more funny was explaining it to our friend.  He actually was able to fish it out for us.  Now we have a pencil-free and dent-free van.  Oh, and hopefully a squeak-free one soon as well.

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There is much to be thankful for today and always.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Strong Faith Equals Wet Feet

This morning I wandered downstairs to the kitchen, where my early-rising husband was getting ready for the day.  He stared at me.  Are you okay?  I smiled and put my rice-bag in the microwave.   Already my feet had become cold from the short walk down the stairs.  Seeing me this early, in motion, is not a frequent sight.  There is a lot on my mind, though, and sometimes God wakes us up so we can spend time together without interruptions.

Later today we have a date in the city with some of his favorite doctors.  The past three days his voice has taken a turn downhill, which gives us enough alarm and strong reason to see what’s up in the subglottic region of his throat.  Not sure if it’s systemic because of the raging ear infection he’s had for a few months now (waiting for insurance to go through to get it looked at properly), or collateral damage from everything that’s happened to his ear, nose and throat the past ten years.  We shall find out later today.  It’s easy to start sinking into fear.  The world is so very full of scary, unpredictable things.  When I spend more time skimming news headlines instead of the Word of God, the shaky, fearfulness starts to creep into my heart and mind.  I am Peter when he took his eyes off of Jesus and stared at the raging sea and started to sink.  Fear cripples you, silences you, and lies to you.  Fear is the result of taking our eyes off of Jesus.  If you don’t know how to look to Jesus, I would assume fear has a strong hold on you.

In Matthew 14, Jesus had just finished feeding over five-thousand people. He sent his disciples into a boat and then sent the masses away.  What a job that must have been.   I feel weary after sending my five to their little beds each night, let alone five-thousand.  Then He went up into the mountains to be alone and to pray.   It was the middle of the night by now, and Jesus was very aware that the disciples were headed into a storm.  Knowing the story already, we know that He has the power to calm the storm, so why didn’t He?

He knows the principle of muscle overload.  Doing more than we are used to handling in order to make us stronger.  His business is to strengthen our faith.  So He keeps the winds blowing and the waves surging and starts to walk towards the little boat full of fishermen.  I’m not sure if they were afraid of the storm, so much as we know they were afraid once they saw Jesus walking on the water.  They mistook His presence for a ghost, and that scared them senseless.  Maybe they wondered, like you and I, HOW can all this be happening if Jesus is right here?  Why is the wind still blowing, and the storm still raging if Jesus is here?

Then Jesus confirms His presence, and encourages them not to be afraid.  “Do not be afraid.  Take courage.  I am here!”  Yes, this crazy wind doesn’t negate the fact that Jesus is here.  He is testing your faith.  Peter takes Jesus’ advice and has amazing courage.  He asks Jesus to call him out of the boat and walk to Him.  “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”  If Jesus is who He says He is, then He will call you too.  Because Jesus is in the business of strengthening our faith.  He simply says, “Come.”

This is the craziest part of the story.  Peter actually does it.  He climbs over the side of the boat and starts walking on the water.  I don’t imagine his feet are dry, or his clothes even.  The waves are still wavy, the wind is still blowing.  But he isn’t sinking.  He isn’t drowning.  He is eye-to-eye with Jesus.  His power and courage and strength are ours when we’re eye-to-eye with Jesus.  We’re never untouched by the storms of life.  We might even be soaked head to toe, but we don’t have to sink.

Then, it happened.  Peter saw the waves.  He knew they were there, but now that’s all he saw.  His focus changed from Jesus, who called him out of safety, to the danger where he was called.  A scary, scary place.  To confirm the fearfulness of the situation, and the danger of changing his focus, Peter actually starts to sink.  The Bible says, “When he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.”  Fear does that.  Pulls you under, chokes the life out of you, paralyzes you.

Three words are all he has time to utter:  “Lord, save me!”  Jesus is so good.  He doesn’t tilt His head and think it over while we flounder and gulp water.  The moment we call out to Him, He saves us.  He says to Peter, and to us, “You have so little faith.  Why did you doubt Me?”

We don’t have to sink.  His power and courage and strength are ours when we’re eye-to-eye with Jesus.

“When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.”  One day, there will be no more storms, no more fear, no more pain.  The salt from our tears will no longer sting our faces.  Jesus is there, and we will never again know fear or sadness.

Come out of sadness from wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted let rescue begin
Come find your mercy, Oh sinner come kneel

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are

There’s hope for the hopeless
And all those who’ve strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There’s rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That Heaven can’t cure

Come as you are
Fall in His arms, come as you are

There’s joy for the morning, Oh sinner be still
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.
-David Crowder