My Five

Elsie loves to sing.  I love it when the other kids notice things about their siblings.  Today Nadine said to me, “You’re right, mom!  Elsie does like to sing!”  Apparently she sings every night in bed after I go downstairs.  Her current favorite is, “Zaccheus was a wee little man…” Except that she calls him “Ikea-us”.  He used to be just “Ikea”, but that changed to “Ikea-us”.  It’s too funny.

She also loves to sing, “A joyful heart is good medicine”… and she is truly good medicine.  She is swiftly changing from a toddler to a big girl who loves to help me clean, change diapers, and cut onions.  She still doesn’t like to go upstairs by herself, but she sure likes to roll up her pant legs by herself.  She would prefer that I get her a drink of water, but when it comes to washing her hands, I take a step back.  She is morphing into a beautiful butterfly and she loves her pretty wings.  I treasure the moments when she’s still tucked in the cocoon of baby girl; when she barely folds onto my lap and we snuggle close.  Her hair is almost never done, mostly because there is some sort of thing in my brain that doesn’t think that way.  When I do dial in to the fact that it’s time to do something with her little mop she prances in front of the “mee-ya-your” to admire her “hair cut”.  Sometimes she even has “two haircuts” or pony-tails.

We have funny little dialogues like this one:  As I was looking at some zucchini and wondering what to do with it for supper, Elijah said, “It’s a pickle!”  Elsie then said, “No, it’s an olive!”  I chuckled with, “Actually, it’s a zucchini!”  Of course, since it was funny at the time, it remained funny for the rest of the day and at supper Elijah declared that he didn’t like pickles.  Sorry, mister!

Betty seems to know that she is going to be a big one-year-old soon, and is doing all sorts of big girl things.  She loves to pull herself up on everything and grin, proudly showing off  her three teeth.  The second her diaper comes off, she crawls as fast as she can go.  She loves to play with Elsie.  They cook together with the play dishes and have a grand old time in the kitchen.  In my kitchen, she loves to bang pots with wooden spoons.  She also brushes her hair whenever she is holding a brush… just when do they figure these things out??

Jack learned how to read the book called, “Mat” this week.  It was such a huge accomplishment for him.  He looked like he won a thousand dollars when he got through it the first time.  His desire to read is the strongest it’s ever been, and that encourages me so much.  Most of the day is spent dueling bad guys and balancing mid-air between two chairs, but the moments he takes his time in his books, are fruitful moments.  He challenges me so deeply, but he also tugs my heart so strongly.  His bed is the one cozy spot in our house that gets sunshine, so I sometimes hide on his top bunk with a book when I need a few minutes alone.  It remains my best-kept secret.

Nadine was recently given an early Christmas present of a bunny.  She tends to it very carefully and thoughtfully.  She is reading in bed every night, which is new for us.  It’s exciting that she is starting to love to read.  At a recent church function, she surprised us all by grabbing the mic and singing “Silent Night” solo and a capella!  She does a very good job babysitting Betty while I make dinner, or if I need to do something.  Whenever we get to hang out by ourselves, I will take a good look at her and feel like this little baby girl I used to know took flight, and a beautiful young lady is standing in her place.

Elijah is also reading up a storm.  He would rather be on the computer, but we’re pretty strict with the time spent in front of screens, and encouraging time spent in front of pages!  He is diligent when he sets his mind to it, and I love how his eyes light up whenever he learns something.  He has a way of standing very close to me, multiple times a day, and clearing his throat and snapping his fingers right before he wants to ask me something that he’s pretty sure I’ll say no to anyway.  His persistence is astounding.  He is thrilled when he gets a chance to listen to the ipod, and he dances like no one’s business.  Sometimes he’ll send me questions inside a paper airplane.  He gets so tickled whenever Betty does something cute, and I’m constantly reminded of his babyhood when I see her grin.

These children are amazing gifts.  I’m constantly figuring them out and discovering more about them.  One thing that is consistently true for each one, though, is how much they love to spend time with me.  Today it meant setting up the play kitchen in Betty’s room so Elsie & Betty could pretend together, and I had a few plastic sandwiches to eat.  It also meant cleaning the boys’ room with Jack and guiding him through the process.  He loved it.  It means listening to them read, or actually looking at what they drew.  It means sneaking up to their bed at night before they’re asleep and telling them they can go to the store with you all by themselves… in their PJ’s.

This mommy thing drains me to my very core, while filling me up to the brim.  My energy might be gone at the end of each day, but my heart is full.

Winners and Such

Congratulations to our two winners this morning:  Pat & Emily!  It was fun to read your comments and thanks so much to everyone for entering.  I wish I could have picked you all!

We are suffering from drippy noses and cabin fever this morning.  I also got myself into a big painting project that I’m not sure how I’ll finish… I really dislike painting high walls, and the hallway is the highest.  I also really dislike the color I made by mixing all of our leftover paint together.  Free isn’t always lovely.  So, I’m taking a small break and hoping the paint fairies have more success than the tooth fairy did last night… let’s just say she failed.  Nadine pulled out a tooth yesterday, and woke up to the same tooth still under her pillow.  Oops.

I’m looking forward to something that is hardly ever an epic fail: another hot cup of tea!

Star of Wonder Giveaway

During the in-between moments of the past few days I’ve been cutting, folding and gluing these Christmas ornaments.  Made from recycled cardboard and old sheet music, they are sure to add whimsical charm to any tree!  Today I’m excited to give away one of these oranaments to two people!  Leave a comment, telling me what theme your Christmas tree is this year and whether you prefer white or colored lights, and tomorrow I will announce the winners!  I’m completely stoked about my first give away!

Seventy-Three

If I waited until things got perfect around here to write, this blog would end right here and now.  Lately I’ve been on the edge of a huge deep ravine into which I  felt a bit like I’m slipping.  Then the Wonderful Counselor brought this Psalm to my mind.  It reminds me that I’m not the first one in history to think these thoughts.  He also offers a solution to these downward spiraling emotions.  My feet had almost slipped.  I had nearly lost my foothold.

It’s so easy to wish for more.   For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

The latest bloodwork and CT scan shows that Matthew’s sinuses are still being a pain and he will have to have another infusion in the near future.  At times I feel like They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong.  They are free from common human burdens; they are not plagued by human ills. 

But then I remember that  They say, “How would God know?  Does the Most High know anything?”  And I am blessed to know that He DOES.

But I’m still doubtful and compare myself to others.  People who seem like they have it all together with their laundry piles, bank accounts, child-raising, meal-planning, body type and choice of vehicle.  When I stay in this place, though, it’s a scary, slippery place to be.  I have to get out of here.

When I tried to understand all this,  it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God;

That sanctuary often becomes the place where I stop and stand on the outskirts.  All of a sudden I notice the muddy shoes, the messy hair, the worn out clothes on my not-perfect body.  So many times I walk away when I’m just one step away from entering His presence.  I let doubt overtake the truth.  I’m not good enough, I believe.  What I’m really saying is that Jesus isn’t enough.

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.  When I realize my error and take in a little bit more of the depth of Christ’s love that has clothed me in perfection… I step inside His sanctuary.  The surroundings are always different.  I used to imagine that the ideal place to meet with God was on a sunny window seat with fluffed pillows and the perfect cup of tea in hand.  If I wait for that, though, I will forever stand on the outskirts of God’s presence.  Right now it’s in the middle of our house with car noises in the background and the smell of baking banana bread wafting through the air.  There is noise, so often noise, in the sanctuary.  That is when I excuse myself because I can’t possibly be in the presence of the God of Heaven.  He can only be where perfect peace and quiet exist… not clutter and mess and unbelieveably loud decibles.  When I think that way, I never live in His presence.  I slip into behaving like He’s not around, and I hurt my kids and disgust myself.  The heart of the sanctuary can be quiet, when everything around me is loud.  I’m learning.

Yet I am always with you;  you hold me by my right hand.  Hold it tighter, please.  Don’t let me forget.  Keep me from slipping over that edge.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  Not the best thing earth can offer compares with the peace that passes understanding.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  

Those who are far from you will perish;  you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.  But as for me, it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;  I will tell of all your deeds.  I will not pretend that my life is perfectly put together.  But I can confidently say that when I live in His presence, it is a safe place to be.  Safe from discontent, despair, and doubt.  I WILL tell you about the great things He’s done for me.  I will keep on telling His deeds until I have no more breath to speak.

Giving Strays a Purpose

Last year I saw this idea on a friend’s wall and tucked it away for twelve months.  I even had a special basket where I collected those stray socks all year long.  Now a basket of stray socks has become a unique advent calendar for our family!  In each sock I have put special surprises for the kids.  The rules are: whatever is in each sock must be shared.  If there is complaining, I get the surprise.  Simple!  Today Jack got to go first, and the surprise was a little paper Christmas tree.  That’s right!  Today we’re going to get our tree!  Stay tuned to see what is inside each sock this month!

Right now we’re going to get on our Christmas groove and find a tree!  I have an uncanny ability to pick much too large of trees, so this year I’ve been instructed to please be mindful of the height.  I’m stoked!

Thirty Thankfuls

The last month has been full of fun memories and thankfulness.  Thanksgiving day morning began a new (hopefully) tradition for our family.  We went over to the local highschool track near the Weldon’s house and ran a 5K.  Our own free turkey trot.  It was even complete with Indians and a turkey (i.e. Nadine).

Things I am thankful for:
1. Healthy bodies and the ability to run 3 miles with my kids and family
2. My amazing husband, who pushes me to get over just how I’m feeling and inspires me to do what’s hard, real, and lasting!
3. Monkey Bread

4. Enough mashed potatoes to go around for 29 people… twice… with leftovers.
5. Cousins who make the world brighter, happier, and more fun!
6. My own, personal barista, whom I love not only for his good looks, but also his finesse in coffee-beverage-making-skills.

7. My sisters, because my world would be all grey without them!
8. The laughter that comes at funky hours of the night when parents should be storing up energy for the following day, but instead decide to make memories together.

9. Boys who are warriors at heart.  I would feel safe in any dark alley with these guys.  (Notice the turkey bone weapon)

10. Gorgeous weather to take family photos!

11. Five healthy children with such distinctly different personalities that there are never boring moments throughout each day.

11. Imaginations of boys with sticks in tall grass.

12. Creative photo ideas!

13. Betty with her 3 teeth that make me grin and want to kiss her a million times!

14. Clothes to wear.
15. Family times.
16. Nadine Ruth, my tall girl who wears my shoes and loves life.
17. Elijah Watt, who figures out how to fix stuff for me, and asks me questions through writing notes to me.

18. Heather who lives so close now, and is a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to me as a wife, mom, and homemaker.
19. Sherry, who doesn’t live that close, but doesn’t let distance get in the way of staying close in heart.  She too is a huge fountain of inspiration and encouragement to me.

20. Re-enactments of battles long ago.

21. I will mention cousins again, because they are so special to us!

22. Elsie Rose, who smiles and sings and laughs so much each day, the world is truly a happier place because of her.
23. The way she sings, “Who broke the ark?  No one, no one!  Who broke the ark?  Brudder, no one!”  Instead of, “Who built the ark?  Noah, Noah.  Who built the ark?  Brother Noah!”

24. Betty Ann, who sits in leaves and still smiles.  She loves life.  She loves food.  She loves to be loved, and it’s such a privilege to love her.

25.  The way cousins interact with eachother, no matter the age.

26. Food to eat.
27. Jack Taylor, and his strength, twinkly eyes, and desire to conquer.  He’s tough, but his heart so wants to do what’s right.

28. My husband.
29. Our home and every inch in it, because we use every inch!
30. Above ALL of these things, I am thankful for eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  I am thankful for His written word, the Bible, and that it is becoming more alive to me as I grow older.  Thank you, Lord, for this month, and for every day and hour we are given to live for you here.

26.2, Because 26.3 would just be Too Much

That was one of thousands of signs we read this weekend at the Philly Marathon.  Matthew was proud to run for his brother, Will, who recently moved overseas and couldn’t run as planned.  His bib said, “Will”, and so the only people who cheered him on as “Matt” was us!  Nadine, Heidi & I embraced the early morning and walked about 7 miles total ourselves!  The free parking spot I found was in and of itself about a mile away.

First we ran to the one-mile marker and saw him whiz past us with a smile.  The next stop was Starbucks for us.  By the time we got through that line and walked one block to where the runners would be coming towards their 6-mile marker, he wasn’t far behind.  To think, he ran 5 miles while we stood in line.  I was nervous that I might miss him, because he was planning on ditching his jacket at that point.  He actually saw us first, and I exchanged his jacket with an orange.  Oranges have been known to see him through many miles.

About that time with the oranges and the 100 miles.  A lot of people have mentioned how a marathon must be a walk in the park compared to the ultra he did last summer.  It was just as mentally challenging, however, and since he was conditioned to run this distance and not much farther, it was plenty physically challenging as well.

One of my favorite things to do was yell people’s names as loud as I could and tell them how strong they looked, and what a great job they were doing.  That kid running next to Matt in the picture above was pacing his dad.  I saw them at the finish.  I was super proud of their team!  There were others we saw, helping loved ones get through the last mile.  Our wonderful friends came to support Matthew, and Patrick ran a few miles with him.  Our kids gave away high fives.  It was where hardcore meets strength to carry on.

That was the best part.  The determination, the will to do it.  Standing on the sidelines was very special to me.  Having gone through the pain of running farther than I thought possible, I can truly understand how huge an encouraging word from a complete stranger can be.  It was a blessing to rally around Matthew, and others, and say, “Good job!  You can do it!”  Life is so much like that.  Don’t we all need to be held up, encouraged, motivated and inspired?  We all need to also be holding up, encouraging, motivating, and inspiring others!  Is our walk just about the outward?  See, in running, you can’t fake it.  You either finish, or you don’t.  You might puke, get a cramp, have to walk, or maybe cry.  But you finish.  In life, I think we too often fake it.  We look so good.  It’s so easy to pretend that we’re such good Christians because we do or don’t —- fill in the blank.  It’s really scary not to fake it, though.  Believe me, I know it.  I really really don’t like to confess my weaknesses.  I struggle daily with the same blasted issues that I slow down to a walk.  Then sometimes I stop and sit on the ground and contemplate not finishing this race.  This stinkin’ hard race of life.  This race that was laid out before me by the One who ran it first.  Jesus is cheering us on.  He wants us to be more than conquerors.  He wants us to get off our lazy butts and DO what He’s created us to do.  Maybe it’s calling it quits on that addiction.  Maybe it’s calling someone up and confessing our attempt to hide our stupid failures.  Maybe it’s putting one foot in front of the other and getting uncomfortable.  I know it requires vulnerability to be victorious.

I love the church.  I don’t necessarily mean that time when we all meet together at the same time on Sunday morning, though I love that time.  I love it when the church behaves like a well-conditioned athlete.  Each body part is healthy and doing it’s share.  When one person is unable to do something, another steps up to carry them along.  I know that if Will could have run, he would have, but I love the picture of Matt running in his place because he wasn’t able to do it.  It was such a privilege.  How often do we let people take the hard stuff for us?  And how often do we take the hard stuff for another person?  Jesus did.

I love going to races.  I’m always pumped up in my spirit.  It feels like I just attended a huge huge church service, where thousands of people, some unknowingly, gave glory to God for His life, and the life He gave us to live.  Our life should be more like one huge race. Our life, in real time, is messy.  You can’t pretend to have blood, sweat, and tears while you’re running.  In life, we need to be okay with showing our weak side and letting others help us.  We also need to find someone’s name on their bib and yell it out as loud as we can, because it might just be the one last thing they needed to carry them on today.  Let’s run for REAL!

 

Guess what I know?  You can do it!

Special Twenty-One

Yesterday was the 21st, which means “date day” in our house!

It was Elsie’s turn to go out with me.  I was so excited to take her to the bookstore, drink hot chocolate, and do puzzles.


The first thing she told me when we got out of the car was, “This is a beautiful date!”  Her chatter didn’t really stop from there on out, unless her mouth was full of hot chocolate.  “Look at that big boy!  He’s eating a cookie!”  “Look at that big man, he has cake!”  We stuck to our hot chocolate and coffee.


Her favorite thing were the train tracks.  She probably was thrilled to have each and every train to herself.  We had fun pretending to get lost in the tunnels and run out of gas… or whatever trains use to fuel themselves.


This girl has an uncanny ability towards puzzles.  She has done and re-done her two puzzles countless times now.  We found this block puzzle that was pretty fun.  Not as fun as “regular” puzzles, though!  After reading a few books it was back to the train set!

I loved our date.  It touched a part of our hearts that doesn’t always get touched when there are four other kids, messes that need cleaned up, and the daily grind getting in the way.  Elsie is really funny.  I’m learning this more and more.  She loves it when she says something that makes me chuckle… which is often.  She loves to help.  She loves pink.  She loves to wear as many different patterns at once that is humanly possible.  I am so thankful to have had some special time together.  It was a beautiful date!

The Best is Yet to Come

Last weekend we had the privilege of going to a beautiful wedding.  It was extra special, because we have walked with this couple from way back when… They are an incredible example of what God can do when you give Him control over your life and your love.  The day was simple and exquisite.  

I was blessed with an incredible weekend.  My sweet friend, MJ, let me swing by her house and she dolled me up with her sweater and jewelry.  We met some great folks, ate delicious food, and were refreshed so much.

Josh & Niki, we are so proud of you.  We’re encouraged by your faith in God, your trust in His best for your lives, and for your servant hearts.  We love you and will continue to pray you through these best years of your lives.

Blue Nailpolish

Growing up as a third world culture kid, I still suffer from culture shock at times.  Since it has been 20 years ago this month when my family was uprooted from the Congo, I am surprised when it hits me.  It doesn’t always come in the same form.  The change of American culture often used to hit whenever we would stand in the cereal isle of the grocery store and be unable to wrap our heads around the fact that there were more options than just cheerios and corn flakes.   I’m still shocked when it seems like a new cereal has been added each month.  I revert to my old upbringing and rely on the staples that see us through each week, ignoring the new and exciting boxes of sugar that scream, “Buy me!”

This week I came face to face with my past in a whole new, but extremely amazing way.  My old friend Nadine emailed me that she was on the East Coast and would love to take the train to see us.  The last time I saw her was on my wedding day, and for nine years I’ve been wishing she could meet my daughter whom I named after her.  It was a crazy day and I wasn’t convinced it would actually happen until I saw her on my front porch and screamed with excitement,  just as loud as my kids.  

The next 22 hours were a blur of non-stop talking, playing, and reminiscing.  Seeing Nadine, with her laughing eyes, brown skin, gorgeous smile, and cute accent… was so therapeutic for me.  Our friendship goes back to when we were babies.  I remember very clearly, that whenever Nadine & I would not be getting along, she would go home.  A little while later she would come shyly back to me with a piece of bread or a hard candy as a peace offering.  Even as we got older we used to do that just for fun.  This time she brought enough candy to make up for many years of peace offerings!  In Africa there are these big aloe plants that grew between our houses.  We used to break off the pointy bit of the leaf and carve our names into them.  The scars would remain even as the plant kept growing.  I often like to think that our initials are still there.

Another thing we liked to do was paint our nails blue, just like her mom, Aunt Lyn, after whom I get my middle name.  This week my own Nadine sported blue nails.  I felt ten again.  Yet our conversations involved more than boys, candy, planting mango seeds, and Alf.  It was fuller, deeper, and older.  It meant so much to me.

When the time came to say good-bye, I was strong.  Then as her train pulled away every ounce of strength got on the train with her and I just cried my way home.  Sometimes I get angry because I never said goodbye the “right way” all those years ago.  Sometimes I can’t even put into words why I feel connected the way that I do, to a past so long ago.  I feel like it has been torn away and was never fully repaired.  Some days I even truly wonder if the past was ever really there.  But I catch glimpses of it, and remember.  This weekend I was given more than a glimpse.  I was given a huge handful of memories.  I was blessed with the beautiful smile of an old friend, the affirmation of days gone by, and a bottle of blue nail polish.