Author: amylynw

Reality

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Maybe it’s just lack of sleep. Maybe it’s just lack of blue sky. Maybe it’s just excuses. But as the old saying goes, and I will adapt it for my own purposes: Writer’s block happens. And today, maybe it’s the abundance of blue sky. Maybe it’s the quiet of the house (thank you, Gramma). It’s definitely not the surplus of sleep. But, I feel inclined to write my way out of this bleak hole where my words have felt trapped and alone. So here’s my attempt.

Our family has gone through a mighty amount of changes this month! Tomorrow, Betty will be four-weeks old! Today she had her first Dr’s appointment. The cold so generously shared by her siblings, turned into a nasty-sounding cough. So for the peace of mind of both Grandma’s and myself, I took her to get checked. I’m glad I did, because peace of mind is a very large blessing. She is fine, as fine as a tiny bitty baby can be with a cold and cough. Thankfully, her lungs are clear. I am also thankful that I didn’t get a parking ticket for what I thought must surely be an illegal parking space in the city. The snow made it nearly impossible to park elsewhere, though. I was not about to carry Betty through the icy streets in search of another spot, however. Thankful that if it was illegal, no one noticed and we made it without incident.

Matthew was supposed to have been to Haiti and back by now. His trip was postponed until the 18th of this month, due to unrest in the country. So, we are NOW preparing for his departure. It will be challenging for us to have him gone, but types of challenges which strengthen our faith muscles are never wasted.

The kids are all doing well. I started reading the Chronicles of Narnia to them, and they love it! Having had them read to me once when I was about their age, and not paying attention for some reason, I am calling this my first time reading them. So, we’re all enjoying this, and I was struck by this line yesterday:

“Well, I do think someone might have arranged about our meals,” said Digory. “I’m sure Aslan would have, if you’d asked him,” said Fledge. “Wouldn’t he know without being asked?” said Polly. “I’ve no doubt he would,” said the Horse… “But I’ve a sort of idea he likes to be asked.” (chapter 12 of the Magician’s Nephew).

It reminded me of the fact that as sure as I am that our Heavenly Father knows we have “need of these things”… He likes to be asked.

It’s hard to convey my life in a few short paragraphs. Sometimes I feel like it is sometimes not a realistic interpretation of what goes on, but rather a lopsided impression. Our children do not always make me smile and portray their best qualities every hour of every day. I do not always respond very well when they don’t portray their best qualities. There is not a day that goes by where I do not cry out in desperation for help. There is rarely a day that goes by when I do not have to apologize to my kids for being unreasonable or out of place in my words or actions. There is not a week that goes by where I do not have to fight the disease of discontent for where I live, what I wear, how I look, or what stuff I don’t own. These are realities. However, I’m learning that I CAN live victoriously, when I lay those battles at the Lord’s feet and thank Him for the messes, the challenges, the disappointments, the everything. I don’t have to give in and be a grump about this or that. I too often do, but I’m working on it. The biggest reality is not who I am, or what I do or don’t do; have or don’t have. Rather, it’s who Jesus was, is, and always will be. That pretty much covers all the voids of my heart: when it’s empty, dry, hard, or discontent. It’s that reality that let’s me see the amazing joys of each day.

Like, when I got into bed last night and there was a card addressed, “To Amy”. “I love you so so much, Mom. Love, Nadine.” I tucked it next to the card she made for me the week before. Or, when Elijah spends hours at a time, bent over his erector set, building a motorcycle or a helicopter then shows it to me proudly. “Mom, the box says that it’s for ages 8-12, but I’m 7. They’re wrong!” Or, when Jack comes waltzing into a room eating yet another orange… biting into it just like you would an apple. (He peels them better than I do.) Or when Elsie finally falls asleep in her bed in some strange, unpredictable position, wearing her snow suit, winter coat, stockings, and sneakers. Or when Betty looks me in the eyes and stares at me intently like she’s known me forever, and gives me a huge open-mouthed smile. Or when Matthew works so hard that he’s up in the morning before I am doing what I consider my “middle of the night feeding”, and I hardly see him for a few days… then he brings me tea and peanut butter crackers early in the morning while I sleeplily feed Betty.

It really is more pleasant to focus on the positive joys of life. Just know that the reality of my human-ness is revealed every day. My prayer is that the reality of Jesus is right there to counter-balance me so I never fall into the pit of despair, discontent, or anger.

Well, it’s time to go rescue Gramma, who so generously watched the 4 kids while I took Betty to the doctor.

Little Person

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We pretty much love this girl.  She looks great in turquoise!  Not my favorite color, but on her, it looks beautiful.  Bitty Betty.  At her two week check last Friday, she weighed a whopping 7lbs 5oz.  Tomorrow she will be three weeks old!  She smiles at us when we talk to her.  She reminds me so much of each of the kids, and yet she is her own unique person.

Betty Ann’s Birth

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On Thursday the family went to the YMCA and I took a walk on the treadmill.  By the end  of a mile or so I had to get off and just sit on the bench.  I told Matthew I think we should go home and was really tired.  Contractions were pretty consistent and getting more difficult.  When we got home around 5 I was sure (though always had a voice of doubt) that this would be the night.  We called Matt’s mom to see if she could pick up the kids for the night incase something happened during the night.  Meanwhile, I watched Emma and dealt with the contractions as they came.  Around 8:00, Mom Weldon arrived with Heidi and they took the kids home with them.  Matt and I hung out for another hour or so before heading to bed.

I slept fitfully, wakened by contractions every hour or so.  By 3AM I just couldn’t lie down anymore and woke up Matthew.  He got up, showered, got the bags and carseat in the car, and I called the midwife.  She was already at the birth center and told me I could come in if I wanted or wait it out longer at home.  I told her we would leave within the hour.  I showered, ate, got through contractions and we were on our way at 4.

When we were about a quarter of a mile away, the snow started to fall.  We arrived at the birth center at 4:30 and I was 5cm, 80% effaced.  Hooray!
The other birth that was going on required a lot of the midwife’s attention, and since we didn’t mind, Matthew and I were left alone for about 90% of the time.

After laboring on the ball for awhile, I got in the tub for the rest of the time.  I was planning on having a water birth.

During transition, I was pouring sweat and having a hard time holding myself together.  I opened my eyes more (even though the pictures don’t show it) and looked at Matthew for strength while I held onto him with all my might.  Near the end I told him not to leave me.  I remember hearing the nurse and midwife saying to eachother, “In a half hour she’ll feel like a million bucks.”  That pulled me through for the last haul.  I knocked down my cup of ice.  I cried.  I did not scream.  The nurse came in and sat on the edge of the tub and said, “You look scared to move.”  I told her I was terrified to move!  She encouraged me that it would probably be the thing that I needed to get this baby out.  It was the last mile of a huge race.  I had to finish.  I moved.  Sure enough it got harder, but it was almost over.  It was 8:20 or so when I started to push.  The nurse was still there and the midwife came and perched next to her on the tub.  They just coached me along with encouraging words, and Matthew held onto me from behind.  I hadn’t told the midwife that I wanted to catch the baby, but it just kind of happened, and she didn’t touch me or the baby until she was completely out and in the water.  Then they gently brought her up to my chest and we sat there in awe!

I kept crying and saying, “Is this real?  Is this real?!”

It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced.  Each of my children’s births are.  This was so unique in many ways.  My first waterbirth.  The first time I caught my own baby.  The most untraumatic birth.   It was snowing outside while I labored, and we welcomed Betty Ann into the world.
We got out of the tub (not as difficult as I imagined it might be) and cozied up on the bed together.  All three of us.  Grandma arrived.  We ate tuna sandwiches from an Amish cafe up the street.  I didn’t feel full.  Betty got weighed in at 7lbs 7oz.  It was the 7th.  She is the 7th grandbaby on the Weldon side and the 17th grandbaby on the Watt side, and the 37th great-grandbaby of my Grandma Betty Horton, her namesake.  Pretty amazing!  Ann is the middle name of Matthew’s mom.  Two amazing women, and we pray she is just as strong and thoughtful as they both were and are.
19 inches long.
Six and a half hours later, we loaded up and went home!
The rest of the day, Matthew and I relaxed and enjoyed Betty as if she were the only child.  I had to prepare her that she wasn’t!

On Sunday, the kids came home and met Betty for the first time.

New Year, New Beginnings

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As baby continues to delight herself in the warmth and coziness of Mama’s womb, Mama continues to wonder how it can possibly be delightful!  I console myself that she is indeed warm and cozy and that our birthday-less month of January will finally be graced with a happy birthday.

After a wonderful family-filled weekend of Christmas-round-two, all of a sudden January hit me like a mac truck.  A few reality checks:

One of our nameless children was cleaning the bathroom (very sweet).  However, their imagination got the better of them, and as I readied myself to mop the kitchen floor, I heard and saw the dripping of water through the kitchen ceiling.  I ran upstairs to see the bathroom flooded and more water pouring out of the faucet into the sink.  The plug was in, the sink was overflowing.  At least an inch had accumulated over the entire floor.  The funniest part (I could find this funny about 24 hrs later) was the piece of dental floss strung across the sink like a little bridge over a huge lake.  That MUST be what they were trying to do.  I was not in the presence of mind to take a picture, but I think you can imagine.

Last night, in a fit of nesting, we took down our Christmas tree.  I had everything boxed away and swept up in about 30 minutes flat.  I don’t tend to linger over that job.  All of a sudden our living room has grown to be so spacious!  I’m really not that sad about it, and I usually leave the banister lights up for a few extra weeks, because they’re unobtrusive and wintry.

I was excited to wake up and see this from our backyard this morning:

It’s a beautiful reminder of how God, no matter how busy He is, and I’m sure He’s extremely busy, always takes time to delight us with His creativity.  And while He is comforting hearts, strengthening hands, providing needs, listening to us, He is also painting the sky with heavenly colors.

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>

We pretty much love this girl.  She looks great in turquoise!  Not my favorite color, but on her, it looks beautiful.  Bitty Betty.  At her two week check last Friday, she weighed a whopping 7lbs 5oz.  Tomorrow she will be three weeks old!  She smiles at us when we talk to her.  She reminds me so much of each of the kids, and yet she is her own unique person.  

Betty Ann’s Birth

/ amylynw / 6 Comments

On Thursday the family went to the YMCA and I took a walk on the treadmill.  By the end  of a mile or so I had to get off and just sit on the bench.  I told Matthew I think we should go home and was really tired.  Contractions were pretty consistent and getting more difficult.  When we got home around 5 I was sure (though always had a voice of doubt) that this would be the night.  We called Matt’s mom to see if she could pick up the kids for the night incase something happened during the night.  Meanwhile, I watched Emma and dealt with the contractions as they came.  Around 8:00, Mom Weldon arrived with Heidi and they took the kids home with them.  Matt and I hung out for another hour or so before heading to bed.

I slept fitfully, wakened by contractions every hour or so.  By 3AM I just couldn’t lie down anymore and woke up Matthew.  He got up, showered, got the bags and carseat in the car, and I called the midwife.  She was already at the birth center and told me I could come in if I wanted or wait it out longer at home.  I told her we would leave within the hour.  I showered, ate, got through contractions and we were on our way at 4.

When we were about a quarter of a mile away, the snow started to fall.  We arrived at the birth center at 4:30 and I was 5cm, 80% effaced.  Hooray!
The other birth that was going on required a lot of the midwife’s attention, and since we didn’t mind, Matthew and I were left alone for about 90% of the time.

After laboring on the ball for awhile, I got in the tub for the rest of the time.  I was planning on having a water birth.

During transition, I was pouring sweat and having a hard time holding myself together.  I opened my eyes more (even though the pictures don’t show it) and looked at Matthew for strength while I held onto him with all my might.  Near the end I told him not to leave me.  I remember hearing the nurse and midwife saying to eachother, “In a half hour she’ll feel like a million bucks.”  That pulled me through for the last haul.  I knocked down my cup of ice.  I cried.  I did not scream.  The nurse came in and sat on the edge of the tub and said, “You look scared to move.”  I told her I was terrified to move!  She encouraged me that it would probably be the thing that I needed to get this baby out.  It was the last mile of a huge race.  I had to finish.  I moved.  Sure enough it got harder, but it was almost over.  It was 8:20 or so when I started to push.  The nurse was still there and the midwife came and perched next to her on the tub.  They just coached me along with encouraging words, and Matthew held onto me from behind.  I hadn’t told the midwife that I wanted to catch the baby, but it just kind of happened, and she didn’t touch me or the baby until she was completely out and in the water.  Then they gently brought her up to my chest and we sat there in awe!

I kept crying and saying, “Is this real?  Is this real?!”

It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced.  Each of my children’s births are.  This was so unique in many ways.  My first waterbirth.  The first time I caught my own baby.  The most untraumatic birth.   It was snowing outside while I labored, and we welcomed Betty Ann into the world.
We got out of the tub (not as difficult as I imagined it might be) and cozied up on the bed together.  All three of us.  Grandma arrived.  We ate tuna sandwiches from an Amish cafe up the street.  I didn’t feel full.  Betty got weighed in at 7lbs 7oz.  It was the 7th.  She is the 7th grandbaby on the Weldon side and the 17th grandbaby on the Watt side, and the 37th great-grandbaby of my Grandma Betty Horton, her namesake.  Pretty amazing!  Ann is the middle name of Matthew’s mom.  Two amazing women, and we pray she is just as strong and thoughtful as they both were and are.
19 inches long.
Six and a half hours later, we loaded up and went home!
The rest of the day, Matthew and I relaxed and enjoyed Betty as if she were the only child.  I had to prepare her that she wasn’t!

On Sunday, the kids came home and met Betty for the first time.

>New Year, New Beginnings

/ amylynw / 2 Comments

>As baby continues to delight herself in the warmth and coziness of Mama’s womb, Mama continues to wonder how it can possibly be delightful!  I console myself that she is indeed warm and cozy and that our birthday-less month of January will finally be graced with a happy birthday.

After a wonderful family-filled weekend of Christmas-round-two, all of a sudden January hit me like a mac truck.  A few reality checks:

One of our nameless children was cleaning the bathroom (very sweet).  However, their imagination got the better of them, and as I readied myself to mop the kitchen floor, I heard and saw the dripping of water through the kitchen ceiling.  I ran upstairs to see the bathroom flooded and more water pouring out of the faucet into the sink.  The plug was in, the sink was overflowing.  At least an inch had accumulated over the entire floor.  The funniest part (I could find this funny about 24 hrs later) was the piece of dental floss strung across the sink like a little bridge over a huge lake.  That MUST be what they were trying to do.  I was not in the presence of mind to take a picture, but I think you can imagine.

Last night, in a fit of nesting, we took down our Christmas tree.  I had everything boxed away and swept up in about 30 minutes flat.  I don’t tend to linger over that job.  All of a sudden our living room has grown to be so spacious!  I’m really not that sad about it, and I usually leave the banister lights up for a few extra weeks, because they’re unobtrusive and wintry.

I was excited to wake up and see this from our backyard this morning:

It’s a beautiful reminder of how God, no matter how busy He is, and I’m sure He’s extremely busy, always takes time to delight us with His creativity.  And while He is comforting hearts, strengthening hands, providing needs, listening to us, He is also painting the sky with heavenly colors.