Cleared To Run

I’ve always loved to fly.  Something about the sound of an airplane being able to go where my finite body can not on its own, simply amazes me.  I remember the sound of an airplane coming back to our small station in the middle of Africa.  I remember the pilots calling out in French: attention! before starting the propeller for take-off.  I remember being in those Cessnas so many times, eagerly spying out Mount Nyankunde, which meant we were home.  My sister always had her head buried in her lap, or eyes closed, so I took in all the scenery for her, my stomach never feeling the queasy hers did.  Before each flight, the mechanics cleared the plane for flying.

This weekend is a big deal for Matthew.  His body has been cleared to run, and we are pumped up to take this 24 hour flight.  We, meaning, he is doing all the running, and I will be on the sidelines cheering him on big time.  When we think back to a year ago, we didn’t know his esophagus was closing up and the strange loss of his voice meant more trouble was brewing in the near future.  It was a really hot weekend, and whether it was truly canceled because of the heat or not, we look at it as a blessing from God.  We don’t know what would have happened out there, but I think God preserved his life.

About 95 percent of folks think what he is doing is pretty crazy.  They ask, why?  Reading through the first year of the race, here, I am revisited by goosebumps.  Is it safe?  This question makes Matthew laugh.  I don’t believe Matthew is stupid, but he also isn’t fearful.  Too often we let fear keep us from pushing harder.  If you asked him why he runs, his answer always is: I  feel closer to the Almighty God when I run.  Running strips him bare.  He spends a lot of time in prayer while he runs.  On the practical side of safety, his doctors have given him an excellent bill of health.  However, on the side of safety where most of us dwell… not wanting to be in pain, shying away from inconvenient, and letting fear of difficulty keep us from getting stronger… he is living on the edge.  Because it isn’t about safety, this life on earth.  It’s about trusting a really big God who isn’t always safe.  As C.S. Lewis penned: “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

There are three men we pray for daily, throughout the day.  One, Jerry, is a prisoner in Africa, and we are praying for him to be found, released and the darkness to fall.  One, Saed, is in a known jail, but illegally being tortured and willingly kept from his home country of the United States.  Another is a good friend of ours and he lives in an incredibly dark, hellish environment in one of the most unsafe regions of the world.  All three are running an eternal race with eternal significance.  We don’t know the end of their stories on earth yet.  We know what they are experiencing, both willingly and without choice, is bringing even greater glory to God.  When Matthew runs, he enters into the suffering of these men who are running too.  Maybe not with their feet, but certainly with their lives.  As Elsie keeps asking me about Jerry, she says, Mama?  Is he still running?  Yes, he is still running.  And with all of our breath, so we should be too.

We’ve been cleared to run.

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Sparkly Like the Fourth

The fourth of July was as fun as a box of sparklers.  We enjoyed the day with Matthew’s family, complete with a parade and fireworks.DSC_2595-2 DSC_2600-2 DSC_2608-2 DSC_2631-2 DSC_2653-2 DSC_2665-2 DSC_2669-2 DSC_2683-2 DSC_2720-2 DSC_2736-2 DSC_2739-2 DSC_2758-2 DSC_2780-2 DSC_2781-2
Somehow, Betty fell asleep soon after the fireworks began.
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Back home, we cracked that box of sparklers open and made some designs in the air, while enjoying the fire pit.DSC_2909-2 DSC_2932-2
Sometimes a whole lot of words aren’t needed when pictures speak for themselves.

School Room Makeover

It’s been about a year since I gave a little tour of the downstairs of our home.  The past month has been full of much rearranging, as we attempt to utilize our space in the best possible way.  I’ve been waiting to post pictures when it was “perfect”.  Then it hit me how this will never happen, so it was time to just take pictures.  The biggest change is that we switched the living room and school room around.  As you walk in, you are greeted into our cheery school room:
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Each child has a locker, and we also store coloring books, craft items, and other untouchables (like tape!) in the top lockers.  I recently scored an amazing deal on Craigslist which included six IKEA expedit shelving units for the price of one!  The shelves under our chalk board contain all our schoolbooks and readers, divided by subject into each square.  The shelf as you walk in to the schoolroom contains space enough for everyone to have one bin for their shoes.  The flip side has squares and bins for my school books, clipboards, portfolios, and a few other things.  Each person has a filing cabinet with six drawers, divided into categories by school subject.

Here is a blurry wide-angle view, as my wide-angle lens is not a precise fit.
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Moving on to the living room… it is a tight squeeze to get a good picture.
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Through the living room, is the kitchen.  Earlier this month I woke up one morning and decided to paint our kitchen!  There was a new can of paint (bought for Nadine’s dresser makeover), and all the kids were sleeping.  What is a girl to do?  So, a quick makeover was in order.  It is super happy now.  We added a book shelf to store some larger items we use often but would love to not be on the counter-top.  Nadine painted the mirror and everyone helped to spray paint the chairs.  Matthew was pretty surprised when he got home that day!
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My favorite decoration is my “new” vintage hanging scale.  Eventually we will move it in front of the window so it’s a bit easier for everyone to pull fruit from its base.  But for now there was already a hook in the ceiling in the corner.
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Up next: a tour of the upstairs!  We now have an office and sewing room, thanks to Nadine giving up her personal space and sharing with her sisters.  It is still in the organizing stage, so I will post pictures when it is finished.  Hope you can stop by sometime!

A Happy Time

I don’t recall what we were about to do or where we were going to prompt Elsie to say it, but she made me chuckle with this:  I’m going to have a happy time, even if it’s boring!   Now that summer is in full swing, the words “I’m bored” are about as allowed as some other unmentionable words in the urban dictionary.  When they are uttered, a math lesson is swiftly pulled up on the computer, or perhaps the boredom quickly fades as they don a pair of goggles, pull out monopoly, shoot a home-made movie, or delve into the many library books I keep constantly in flow.  DSC_2041

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This week was so full I feel like I’m bursting a little bit.

Any week where we can be altogether for six days in a row is going to be good.  Unfortunately, every kid had a fever sprinkled into the entire week at some point in time.  Thankfully, no throwing up, but a lot of laying low.  Matthew finished my laundry room window, fixed this and that, hung this, moved that… basically filled up my love tank with acts of service mingled with quality time.  I worked on various projects: crocheting a rug out of old sheets, making some chalkboards, beautifying our front porch, and organizing our school room a bit more.
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Next, our dear friends, Ruthie & Jamie, arrived from Ohio to share our vacation time with us.  We enjoyed the front porch, got wet, went to a water/amusement park, and laughed a lot.  One night I even had the privilege of being a doula with an incredibly special couple and their precious baby girl.
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The kids found a turtle and named it Road Runner after they rescued it from trying to cross the street.
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While at the park, I learned how much Betty loves roller-coasters.  If she was a bit taller, she would have gone on everything, but she was content to do the roller coaster her size.  Her smiling face as she swooped down the hill of the coaster was absolutely priceless.  Falling from 148 feet with Jack and Nadine was also a highlight.  I’ve learned that I’m a bit more scared than I used to be of heights in general.  Phone Photos11
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Nadine came down for her breakfast today and was asking me how Matthew made her bagel.  Do you know how Daddy made that bagel yesterday?  Because it was amazing.  It was because there was a hint of Daddy in it.  I know he used butter…  When I asked her how it tasted after she made it, she said,  It wasn’t even close.  Sometimes she takes my breath away.DSC_2462-2 DSC_2460-2
One of my painting projects was a “new” dresser.  I got the dresser for $10 at a yard sale and surprised Nadine with it.

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As all the fevers floated around, I overheard this funny conversation between Elsie and Betty:
I have a headache, said Elsie.
Where? asked Betty.
Right here in my head! said Elsie with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

When Elsie struck up this conversation with Betty she was just stating a fact, which apparently was missing a very important detail in Betty’s little mind: You were sick, she stated.
No I wasn’t!
You you were!
I were last night!  Of course.  Last night.  She likes to be precise.

Betty is learning her numbers, and I couldn’t help chuckling when she got to twenty-nine and said: Two=dy nine!
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As June turns the page into July, there is more fun in store!  Summer is such a happy time!

From Kayaks to Clark Kent

It is most definitely time for a photo dump.  Halfway through June, and so much has happened!  We went to Marsh Creek during Memorial Day weekend and had a fabulous time!  The weather was gorgeous, and Betty was so cute in the canoe.  Elijah experienced solo kayaking for the first time.
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There have been moments of frustration and moments of sweetness.  We still have Toby, who loves to go on walks with his little vest and leash on his back.   Phone Photos9
The Weldons recently had a family reunion/anniversary party and there was a fabulous glam cam there.  We took full advantage of the fun:June 2014
And just because I love it:
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The kids and I recently went on a field trip to Harrisburg.  What a beautiful building and fascinating history!  The photo of the bookshelf is of a treat I found on it one day: superglue, super-glued to the wood.  On Father’s Day all Matthew wanted to do was have a workout in the park, so he and a friend met there and did just that.  Elsie and Betty continue to be “twins” every day, and it’s hard to keep their two “twin” outfits clean… but on the days they are dirty, they seem to figure out another way to manage the job of looking as much like the other as possible.Phone Photos6
The small photo of the girls sleeping is a tiny glimpse of what has been filling my weeks.  We have rearranged five rooms of the house to accommodate an office for Matthew.  As his business grows, so do the papers and the need for a spot to do his at-home work.  Happy Father’s Day to him!  I will post pictures o the finished product soon.  As an exclamation point to our week, Jack got glasses!  We are excited to see if they help with the challenge that school has been for him this year.  We may not have Mary Poppins living here, but Clark Kent is in the house.Phone Photos8

The Wind is Blowing Our Faces Into a Smile

There are many lost journal entries this month, as I’ve either been too exhausted to sit down and write, or I’ve been too wiped out by the end of the day.  One of those two.  Starting with tonight and working my way backwards, however, I will attempt to do a brief overview of our May Days.

The weather today has been awesome.  Matthew experienced hail the size of small golf balls where he was working, and we experienced sunshine and dark clouds, changing back and forth all day.  I had to explain to Betty five times tonight where all the snow went.

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Elsie is my helper.  I told her if she wore goggles while she chopped onions, they wouldn’t sting her eyes as much.  The other day when we were driving and smelling cow manure which wafted through the open windows, she said: If I could pop my nose off whenever something is stinky then put it back on when something smells good… Well, that would be great.  Speaking of smelly, Nadine had this descriptive offering of armpit odor: they apparently reeked of rotten chemicals with hotdogs dipped in mayonnaise.  Yum.

Right now my dad is in Africa.  In fact, this week he was able to visit the station where I was born and raised.  Partly because I was feeling especially nostalgic, and partly because the kids have been begging to pop into our “old house”, I decided to do just that.  We stopped in, and it is now a dentist office.  Everything is bright blue from the outside.  The downstairs is completely different, but the upstairs was just the same.  It’s hard to believe I stood on those stairs in my wedding dress over 12 years ago!  In my old bedroom, the inside of my closet door still had the glow-in-the-dark paint signatures of my siblings and friends, from back when I was a teenager.  There were even a set of my nephew’s baby footprints, glowing in the dark when we shut the door and stood inside the closet.  The same day, my same nephew, had just flown his first solo flight!
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School is winding down, with our last week stretching out before us!  I have learned way more than the kids, I’m sure.  Nadine has become a much more confident reader.  Elijah has improved in his math skills.  Jack is reading and writing.  Elsie is also reading and writing.  Betty loves books and can write a few letters of the alphabet.  She told me the other day: I don’t want to take it easy.  I want to take a break.  They love games, and have really improved in so many areas.  I have a nice-sized list of things I am changing for next year.  As my ever-wise husband has told me: this teacher and mama must keep a tight ship.  This week Betty also overcame some of her fear of bugs.  She managed to pick up fuzzy “calipitters” for hours on end with her second cousin, and she also willingly let an ant crawl onto her hand.  She told me very excitedly the other day: Mom!  Mom!  Guess what?  Lady bugs climb on trampolines.
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Besides book work, we are out and about for so many activities.  Nadine’s horse club has been a huge blessing for her.  Elsie & Jack have even gotten a turn to ride when we pick her up at the end of the day.  Field trips, archery, friends, blowing bubbles, picking flowers, and riding bikes leaves mama pretty exhausted some days.  I am no longer the endless source of energy that I see in my children.  I remember having it.  I know it once existed.  But it has been sucked out of my veins and into their own.  So now they just borrow my phone to take pictures of their tired mama.Phone Photos4
We do have a lot of fun around here.  The beautiful moments of this month I think can be summed up in this one picture of Jack:Phone Photos5

Our windows are down.  The wind is blowing our faces into a smile.  Summer is just around the corner.

A Bug Tie, Three Tissues, and the Truth

This morning I texted my friend the following: I was up til after 3am because my bug tie has an ingrown toenail!  Wow.  I have never experienced pain like that before… A few seconds later she wrote back: What!?  What’s a bug tie?  Worse than childbirth?  I laughed and laughed.  Silly auto-correct.  I meant to say “big toe”.  A few days ago my big toe started to hurt a little bit.  Soon it escalated into a big pain.  So big it became a bug tie.  Believe me, you never want to experience a bug tie.  They’re the worst.

Besides all the excitement of soaking my feet (sounds so fancy, I know), life marches on.  I’m tired.  I bent over at least a thousand times this weekend alone.  I can’t remember if I shaved both armpits or just one side this morning.  I can’t remember if I even took a shower.  I know I forgot to eat lunch.  Every time I went to the bathroom today someone needed me.  I keep forgetting to buy toilet paper.  We have three squares left and only a few tissues left in this entire house.  I think my kids ate ice-cream for lunch.  I never made my bed.  I forgot to dry the laundry.  I remembered how I forgot to put something important in the mail.  I know I’m not alone.  This is for all you tired women and mamas out there.

When life feels like it’s marching over you like a herd of elephants bent on crushing you to your core, He sees.  When the last ounce of energy was used up tucking that last baby in and another one asks for a drink of water, He sees.  When you sit on the bathroom floor and scrub the mysterious brown streaks off the wall, that you would like to believe are from muddy shoes, He sees.  When you feel like a laundromat, conductor, referee, dictionary, and Cinderella, all in the same moment, He sees.  When your words seem to fly back into your face like a boomerang, He sees.  When you sneak into that one secret spot and hug the three tissues left to your name, He sees.

Motherhood isn’t about getting a gold star because you did everything right.  It isn’t about being noticed or praised or looking good.  It’s about loving and loving some more, and when you don’t think you can, you love even more.  It’s a no-pay job with eternal dividends.  It’s exhausting and frightening and rewarding and exhilarating.  No two days are alike, which is why we’re so flexible and resilient and oftentimes reduced to a puddle of tears, clinging to the edge of our sanity alongside that tissue.  We’re tired, I know.  But please, don’t grow weary of doing good.  God’s Word says in the right time we will reap a harvest if we don’t lose heart.  If we don’t loosen our grip on the courage it takes to keep on keeping on.  It’s a process, this growing weary.  It usually begins when we think we got this mama thing under our belt and need a little humbling.  But mostly we become weary when we take our eyes off Jesus, who is the only One capable of infusing our war-weary bodies with supernatural strength and stamina.  Giving up is a choice.  The enemy wants you to give up, give in, and crumple under the load.  Jesus wants you to keep your eyes focused on Him, not your surroundings, and let Him sustain you.

As women, I think we tend to fall into two big traps.  The “I’m-not-good-enough” trap and the “I’m-not-as-good-as-her” trap.  The second we entertain those thoughts, the enemy pounces in with a volley of lies.  Those arrows sting and are deadly if we don’t counter-attack with the sword of truth: God’s word.  And the truth is: You are perfect in Christ.  You are not like her because God needs you to be who He made you to be.  The truth is what sets us free to be who we are created to be.

So, those clean counter-tops you wish you had do not define who you are.  You are a beautiful woman with a glorious gift of music.  The issue you have with speaking your mind does not define who you are.  You are a woman whose heart is so generous, you don’t even realize you’re giving.  The hidden clutter doesn’t define who you are.  You are a true friend who sees a need and meets it without being asked.  Your hoard of shoes, or clothes, or cars, or cookbooks are not what make you amazing.  Your ability to welcome people into your home at any time, and always speak well of others is what makes you amazing.  Your inability to carry a child within your own body does not make you any less of a woman.  You have the uncanny ability to create beauty and inspire others to do the same.  Your heart is no less able to love and sacrifice just because you never birthed a child.  Your unborn babies do not make you a failure as a mother.  Your heart is so much fuller because it loves someone no one else has known.  Mothers, women, you are so perfectly custom-made by the same God who created the stars and flowers and every grain of sand.  He makes no mistakes.  Stop believing you are not enough.  Stop believing He messed up when He made you.  Don’t stop believing you are exactly what He was going for when He began to fashion you in your mother’s womb.  He sings over you, He cherishes you, and He never condemns you.  Start and never stop believing that truth.

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When It Comes to Five

Maybe it’s the way her hair curls to beautifully, or the way her smile has always been exceptionally bright.  Maybe it’s her ability to make people feel special.  Maybe it’s a little girl trapped inside a woman’s body, that comes out when she’s excited or playing a game.  Nadine loves creatures with fur, especially the ones that neigh.  She has friends she calls on the phone, can clean a kitchen well, and loves to write letters.  A woman of habit, she sleeps in the exact same position every night.  Her little sisters adore her, and the other day Nadine said something funny to Betty: You know English fully now, don’t you?  When we were eating bacon the other day, Nadine discovered she actually liked it and said, I think I’m finally coming to my senses about it.  You got that right!  Today she started back doing a special homeschool girls’ horse club with a few girls her age.  She proudly donned her helmet she’s been dying to wear since Christmas, and I left her happily basking in the environment where she thrives.DSC_1469-2
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Maybe it’s the way his bright blue eyes haven’t changed since he was a baby.  Maybe it’s the way his body is swiftly changing into a young man.  Maybe it’s the way I look at my phone and see a note from him telling me I’m the best mom ever… usually on a day when I’m feeling anything but good.  Maybe it’s the way we both connect through music.  The other day he walked into the kitchen and “Don’t Stop Believin'” was playing on the sound dock.  He sighed and said, I love Journey.  His peace-loving soul hates conflict and strives for resolution.  Right now he is taking archery lessons and is one of the best shots in his class.  He is counting the days until he can drive a car, and I have to remind him how awesome it is to be a kid.  His feet are bigger than his mama’s.  Today he was looking for the peanut butter in the cupboard.  He poked around a bit then said, Maybe you can see it, because you’re taller.  He paused and looked at me, then added, Well, not that much taller, and chuckled.  He is a good observer.  Once he saw how Elsie had dressed herself.  I don’t remember the exact outfit, but generally it has to do with stripes, polka dots and flowers combined.  He said, Mom, I always thought Elsie would be  good trend-setter.  When I asked the boys why they had their shirts off the other day (when it wasn’t hot outside) Elijah said, Because it makes us stronger!
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Maybe it’s the way he is always catching up to his growing body.  Maybe it’s the way his giant puppy paw hands will one day match the rest of his muscular body.  Maybe it’s the way he leaps over three stairs at a time in his roller-blades and makes this mama’s heart beat very fast.  Maybe it’s the way his heart tips the scales of my own when he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me.  Maybe it’s in his smile that’s so big it makes his eyes squint closed.  For Jack, an umbrella becomes a parachute, taking him to another world where there are things to fight and conquer.  He is okay with going to the store wearing a button-down shirt, soccer shorts, boots with no laces, a holster with gun, and a cowboy hat.  The other day said something very funny: Mom, I just have a question.  If you pick your nose at night do you need to brush your teeth again?  Today we reviewed our neglected chore charts.  Orange marker in hand, Jack checked things off one-by-one.  A few minutes later, I heard someone mowing, which is still a rare sound, after such a winter.   For the longest time I thought it was our neighbor, then I poked my head outside to check on the boys.  There was Jack, in his pajama pants, clip-on “pirate” earring, and flip-flops, mowing the grass for the first time this year.  I didn’t even know if the mower would start.  Elijah was right behind him, weed-whacking.  They took the “yard work” part of their charts very seriously, and I think we’ll be keeping those chore charts handier. DSC_1424-2 

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Maybe it’s the way she likes two little strands of hair un-tucked from her ponytail, so she can smooth them behind her ears.  Maybe it’s the way she wears stripes with polka-dots on most days.  Maybe it’s the gaping hole in her smile where her tooth was knocked out last year.  There’s something about Elsie that makes me chuckle whenever she walks into the room.  She loves friends, changing outfits, and monkey-bars.  If all three are included on any given day, it’s pretty much the best day ever.  She loves to sleep with her stuffed bunny under her head, just so.  Phone Photos
She also sleeps in a different position every night.  She likes to do her own hair these days, and she likes to “babysit” Betty.  She’s a terrific helper and does things almost always with a cheerful heart.  Currently, she is wearing a purple shirt, red vest, shorts, striped socks up to her knees, and sparkly shoes.  She sings hymns and songs and says the books of the Bible with lightening speed.
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Maybe it’s the way she cocks her head and smiles.  Maybe it’s the way she says, Bless you! whenever she sneezes.  Maybe it’s the way her hair is still uneven from the perfect haircut she gave herself many months ago.  Maybe it’s the way her brown eyes pull me in with their sweet chocolaty-ness.  There’s something about Betty that makes me scoop her up and cover her in kisses whenever she walks into the room.  She loves her dollies, taking care of people who are hurt, baby spoons, and the color yellow.  To emphasize something of great importance she will say, “So bad”.  For instance, I want to button my shirt so bad!  I need a banana so bad!  Sometimes she will say, Mom!  I have a secret!  Then she’ll whisper in a voice loud enough to hear all around, Please, I want a chocolate chip!  I mean three chocolate chips!  She still loves receipts as “taggies” to hold while she sucks her fingers. The other day she exclaimed: I found them all!  Seriously!  After finding a pile of receipts in her little purse.  Seriously.  Her vocabulary is hilarious.  There aren’t always darling moments, but there are many funny ones.  Like today, when I laid her down for her nap… for the fifth time.  Without a word, I carried her back upstairs, put her in her  bed, tucked her covers around her and walked out.  She cried behind my retreating back: I’m not a baby!  I’m not a baby!  To which I chuckle.  In fact, you are.  You’re my baby.  When she’s not a baby, she is doing her own schoolwork, and already knows how to make an H, B, and E.  You’re still my baby, Betty.

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Maybe it’s a combination of five hearts, all with their own special places in my own.  Whatever it is, I love these beautiful children.  Seriously.

Hippy At Last

Yesterday two pretty momentous things happened.  First, it was Jack’s eighth birthday!  Everything about the day was exactly how it was eight years ago: the blue skies, spring flowers blooming everywhere, and excitement in the air.  Yesterday we also welcomed a new member into our family.  Please, meet Oceanus, named by the kids this morning.  Our bright blue happy van!  (Oceanus was the name of the baby who was born on the Mayflower when the Pilgrims came to America.  They like that story, plus the color reminds them of the ocean.)  We are so very thankful for this blessing from our Father above, who cares about every detail of our lives.  We are excited to make many memories and road-trips this summer, bouncing along in Oceanus.

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