This morning when I was reading in Matthew 15, I read this interaction between Jesus and His disciples. Jesus feels deep concern for the multitudes of people about to walk home on empty stomachs. He knows their need, and He looks at his disciples as if to say, “Did you learn what I can do when I fed the 5000 people a few weeks ago?” You would think that their reply to His unspoken question would be, “We know! YOU can give them what they need! You are completely able. We saw it, we believe it!” Instead, they say, “There is nothing here. Where could we get enough bread to feed this large crowd?” Wow. I have been there, said that. It seems so silly when I’m sitting on my front porch, sipping some tea with yummy toast, knowing what is about to happen in the story. You empty-heads… um, Jesus is standing there with you. Don’t you remember how He fed 5000 people with five loaves and two fish? Yet, I have often given the same excuse when a need presents itself. I have nothing that could be of use here, Lord. I don’t have the means to help that person. I have nothing here! Jesus then simply says, “How many loaves do you have?” The excuse was: there is nothing. Turns out there was something. Something very small in comparison to the need. There were seven loaves and a few small fish. Jesus makes everyone sit down, and He gives thanks for this little something, and you know what happens? There is enough, with seven baskets full of leftovers! About the next day, this issue of bread comes up again. The disciples forgot to bring bread with them and when Jesus starts using yeast as an example about what to look out for (bad doctrine, sin that grows and infiltrates everywhere) the disciples are worried that He’s chiding them for not bringing any bread on their trip. He replies, “Your faith is so small! Why are you talking to each other about having no bread? Don’t you understand? Don’t you remember?” And He reminds them of the miraculous multiplication of bread not once, but twice! When we talk about things we don’t have, it evokes more worry. We might not have what seems important. We might not even have what is important. Sometimes the need is truly pertinent. Whatever our circumstance, we do have Jesus with us in the boat. Ready to provide. Able to provide. He is the same God who multiplied what was available into what was needed. Give Him everything, and see what He does!
encouragement
You Better Be Prepared
I was reminded today by a friend about how wild our God is. He is beyond ordinary. Although it might sound like a paradox, I’ve been expectantly waiting for His unexpected. As Matthew and I approach a month without work, God keeps confirming that this is good, this is His plan, this is all under His control. It’s not always easy to get uncomfortable on purpose. Quitting his job so he can pursue what he loves and what we know God wants us to do has not been a walk in the park. It’s been more like a walk through a very dry desert. But, as the sun beats down on us, He provides shade and water and everything we need. Everything we need. Wild, unexpected places. Almost always God uses people to bless us with money, who could really use it themselves. It never ceases to amaze me. A hundred-dollar bill tucked under our dinner plates. Really? Money in our pillow cases. Really? Food our family eats by the pound, provided through people who love to give. Don’t ever underestimate what good things our Heavenly Father will do when you trust Him to work out the details. Sometimes we are the ones who are surprised. Sometimes God is prodding us to do the surprising. Whatever it is, you better be prepared to be surprised.
Running Through The Night and More
After my last weepy post, I have been blessed by the hugs, reassurances, and reminders of faithful friends all around me. It is difficult for me to know the balance between honesty and what could come across as, “Pity me, please,” that is so often inundating our lives… or walls. It is my true hope that I can be real both in life and in writing. That what you see is what you get. I have daily struggles, and validating that fact is better than ignoring them. I want to convey a well-balanced story of my heart and life, without being depressing or making one cock their head and wonder if everything is always perfect. My life is an open book, and I hope I can be courageous enough to show you not only the beautiful parts of it, but also the difficult and sometimes ugly. Ultimately, everything points to Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith.
This week has been full of spring-time activities. A long-anticipated visit from an old friend. Night-time talks on the front porch. Roses from our garden in full bloom. Putting a bathing suit on Betty for the first time.
Strawberry picking with the kids.
The boys decked themselves out the other day in this fashion. Paperclips in their ears, gaudy jewelry, and the usual bling all over Jack. They love to be tough and strong. They can also be so gentle and loving. I am constantly amazed by this sweet balance that both they and their Daddy possess.
Speaking of Matthew… he took me on a date Friday night. We enjoyed live music at Burlap & Bean, with some delicious coffee and tea. We had some much-needed time to reconnect and pray together.
Tonight he is running through most of the night in preparation for his ultra-marathon next month. We will be posting more details about it soon. I plan on interviewing him myself to answer the many questions poised his way. In fact, if you have any questions about his goal of running 100 miles in 24 hours, please post them in the comments, and I’ll be sure to add them to the interview!
God painted a beautiful rainbow this evening. I ran outside in the rain with a cardboard box on my head, squealing at the sight. I always try to imagine I’m Noah, seeing a rainbow for the first time. It always works, and I’m amazed every time. God’s promises will never ever fail.
Now I Can Enjoy Life
There was a moment today when I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to pull myself together and go into public again. These days happen. Gut-wrenching, slobbery-faced tears that soak a handkerchief in a minute. Disappointment, anger, delayed hopes, all melded together to form a huge pot of emotion that bubbled over onto my poor unsuspecting husband.
The Lord takes care of those who are as helpless as children. When I was in great need, he saved me.
There really is nothing to be said for the comfort that God provides. He binds up our wounds. He wraps us in His love.
I said to myself, “Be calm. The Lord has been good to me.”
Sometimes I get so consumed by the here and now, the disappointments or drudgery of the moment and I forget all He has done for me.
Lord, you have saved me from death. You have dried the tears from my eyes. You have kept me from tripping and falling. So now I can enjoy life here with you while I’m still living.
While I’m still living. I’m alive and I can enjoy life here, not just despite my circumstances or surroundings, but because of them.
Some sweet Betty time today. Verses in italics from Psalm 116.
222,222
Two-hundred-twenty-two-thousand-two-hundred-and-twenty-two. Wow. Our incredible van recently pulled out the cool mileage of 222,222 on the odometer. It’s been an “Ebenezer” to us, reminding us that, thus far the Lord has helped us. (1 Samuel 7:12) We’ve never named it before, but maybe it’s time. It failed inspection yesterday, which I find both reassuring and faith-building. Count it pure joy, we’re told. It’s reassuring that God is still in control and that He hasn’t changed. Our faith grows when we’re faced with trials of different kinds. This particular trial comes on the heels of some recent study and thoughts I’ve had on God’s love.
So often we think of God’s love as a tidy package in perfect wrapping, tied with a bow. I just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. My heart feathers have been ruffled in a good way. I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s crazy love. In Ephesians, Paul prayed that we would know that love now. How can we know this love that surpasses knowledge? I think one of the first ways is to stop putting our own definitions and expectations on God’s love. Stop equating God’s love with blessing, ease, and provision. God promises to always love us, but He didn’t promise that we would be free from pain, sickness, heartache, trials, and even death. No, He rather promises that these things won’t separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39) There is no aspect of God’s love that promises you peace, safety, and posperity. When we’re faced with trials of every kind, these things should test our faith and in turn increase our knowledge of God’s love. We are such emotional creatures. If God allows us to suffer, we think He has stopped loving us. Our mindset in this culture is to eliminate all difficulty, pain and discomfort. I’m not saying we should all switch our water-heaters off or start walking everywhere. I’m not actually saying anything, except that we need to examine ourselves to see if we’ve placed such a high priority on safety and comfort at the expense of reliance and trust in God.
Complacency and ease are often the very things which wedge our hearts farther from a true knowledge of Him and His love. When we face really hard things, they either break us or make us. I hope and pray that my faith in an unchageable God will grow stronger through fire.
Ebenzer. Thus far the Lord has helped us. I am persuaded. Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God of The Unexpected
God doesn’t often use the expected means to get His purposes accomplished. When Jesus fed the 5,000, He didn’t send His diciples to the grocery store or discount outlet to buy enough food for everyone. He used what was available: 2 loaves and 5 fish from a willing boy’s lunch, and He multiplied it five-thousand-fold. Unexpected.
When the Israelites left Egypt and came to the Red Sea, God didn’t stop everyone and put the exodus on hold just because a huge body of water was blocking their exit. He didn’t call a meeting with builders and architects to conceive a plan on how to quickly build a bridge or a boat which could accomodate thousands of people safely across the water. No, He simply split the water in half and had the people walk across dry ground. Unexpected.
When there were thousands of lives at stake during an unstable time in history, God used the wisdom and courage of a woman named Esther, to save an entire nation. Why not an army? Unexpected.
This week I have been reading in Ezra. Israel returned to Jerusalem from captivity and started to rebuild the temple. They were tricked and discouraged by their enemies, and the rebuilding halted for about fifteen years. God used Haggai and Zechariah to encourage the people to start rebuilding again. Then a guy named Tattenai tried to stop the work by sending a message to King Darius, telling him to search the records about whether or not they should indeed be rebuilding the temple. He was trying to intimidate them into stopping the work again. The response of the King is so astounding! Not only does he foil Tattenai’s plan, but he tells him to use the king’s own money to fund the project! He tells him that he is to give them day by day whatever they need. Unexpected.
God can use anything and anyone to accomplish what He wants. He has good plans for us. He is not limited by our money, our status, our connections, or lack of any means. God will take our lack and use it. He will smile, because day by day He likes to surprise us with the unexpected.
Monday Meditation
What confidence is this in which you trust? I read that yesterday in 2 Kings 18:19 and mulled it over all day. I’ve been wondering if my life reflects confidence in God.
We’ve all been asked to do hard things. Things that don’t make sense. I’m learning more and more that life isn’t about doing what is comfortable. Life is about doing what has been written beforehand for us to do. My life doesn’t always have to make sense. In fact, it shouldn’t make sense to the majority of the world. This earth is not my home. Thirty-two years ago I was given my first breath of oxygen, and God hasn’t ever once given me permission to get comfy on this earth and do what’s easy. Eternity gets dimmed when I get into the rut of being comfortable. I want to long for heaven, and the only way to long for something is to want everything else less.
What confidence is this in which you trust? When great and troubling things are all around us. When difficult decisions stand like a fork in the road and we wonder which path to take. When death threatens to sting us. When loneliness seems to overwhelm us. If I didn’t know that all of my days were written before any of them came to be, then I wouldn’t have the confidence to wake up tomorrow. If I didn’t know that I’ve been promised to never be left alone, I would be afraid to go one more day.
What confidence is this in which you trust? My answer comes in Isaiah 25:9.
Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, and He will save us. This the LORD; we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice in His salvation. This is my confidence in which I trust. For You have been a strength to the poor. A strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat.
Willow’s Day
Life is so beautiful. Today I had the privilege of going to the smallest funeral I have ever attended. The baby was in a tiny wooden box, about the size of a man’s hand. Inside, a life that just one day ago was warm and cozy inside her mother’s womb, lay still, but spoke volumes to our hearts. Sixteen weeks old, her hand barely covered half of her mama’s fingernail. Her feet, about the height of a penny, never touched earthly soil, but now they skip and play on golden streets. The beauty of the spring sunshine and barely green willow trees framed the morning perfectly. We all gathered under the weeping willow tree which marks her earthly tie. Friends and family who mourn, stand, hope, and love. There is courage on her parents’ faces, as they trust in the Maker of life who gave and took away. On the faces of her two brothers and two sisters, there is pride in their baby sister, who made it to Heaven first. We’re told to mourn with those who mourn, and my heart aches with these amazingly special friends. Yet, what joy and comfort we have, knowing she is being kept safe in Heaven for you.
No More Flush Button
Right now the house is quiet. The girls are playing monopoly and Betty joined the boys on a Home Depot run. Tonight we’re getting a new toilet for the powder room downstairs! This is such hip hip hooray news for me! No longer will I have to explain to guests how they must take the lid off the tank, touch this wacky thing inside the tank, then press and hold the flush button before anything will go down the tubes. There will hopefully be no more funky smells wafting through the mysterious small cracks around the base of the current porcelain seat. I am a happy girl, indeed.
Today we ran errands, and it was fun to bless the kids with their very own silly putty. Staples had a good deal, and they have been playing with it non-stop all afternoon. I must remember to check pockets this week, because yes, I have made that fateful mistake of throwing silly putty into the load of laundry. It’s not so silly anymore.
Speaking of laundry, there are clothes to take off the line, supper still to clean up, and piles of papers that reproduced overnight without my permission. I should hop to it before the home improvement team comes back any minute. The moment I realized how quiet it was here, I knew I had to push those things to the back burner and just sit. It’s vital to my soul to take time to reflect on God’s goodness for a few quiet moments. Just as Matthew walked out the door he commented how our landlords really are the bomb. God has blessed us richly and when I feel like complaining or giving in to that ungrateful spirit that wells up inside my heart over trivial things… I am reminded of how far He has blessed us. All the way up to today He has held us, guided us, and showered blessings into our life. Tonight that bounty comes in the form of a clean, white toilet!
This Cape Is Broken
Some say a mom is a superwoman. I don’t agree. Didn’t superman do things that were humanly impossible? As a wife and a mom, my every day tasks are not only human, but they are possible. Difficult at times, yes, but possible. If we were called to be superwomen then we were called to be failures. God never calls us to do anything He has not created and fitted us to do. I’m often comparing myself to other women whom I find quite beyond the natural realm of reality. Is it really possible to… ? Fill in the blank. While watching my boys catapult off trampolines might not be super difficult for me, making my bed requires great strength. Perhaps keeping your countertops spotless might come with ease and almost delight for you, yet it is more challenging than childbirth for me. We are crafted so uniquely and beautifully different from eachother. I would like to say I admire your ability to color-coordinate all your childrens’ clothes, rather than say I wish I was like you. I want to be inspired when I visit your clean and organized home and not be jealous towards you. This notion of doing something well as being synonomous with being superwoman is just nonsense.
Every day is a perfect example of how superwoman has flown the coop here. One such occurrence out of many today, came when I saw not one but two snakes about to go into our basement from the outside doors. I screamed so loud for Elijah and Jack to rescue me. Chicken that I am, I ran inside and watched them through the laundry room window, as they tried to coax one of the snakes onto the dustpan. Yep. Definitely void of any super-human powers in the slithering department. Unlike my brave mother who hacked a poisonous snake to death to save her babies from possible death. That is indeed super-human and I know God gave her the strength to do that fearful task.
We each have a power beyond our own, readily available to us. It is not our “inner self” or anything of ourselves at all. It is the all-powerful God who created us. Nothing is too hard for Him. The moment we think we’re super, we fall flat on our face. For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him.
Superwoman, hand over your cape. Oh, and here’s a band-aid..
Grow Old With Me 