lessons

Everything New Today, or ENT

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

As usual, this week has passed about as quickly as the wind that whips my hair through the open windows of the car.  This phone dump is a smattering of what has blown through this week:

My life, in our van, is always noisy.  I admit, I’m jealous of folks who say their kids get sleepy in the car.  Ours tend to go a bit wild.  They tell jokes, do anything and everything to annoy their neighbor, cry, sing, tattle, and do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.  I experienced an almost-flat tire last Saturday.  When I drove into the gas station to check it out, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet when a very nice man started to pump up my visibly flat tire.  Turns out there was a screw in there, and was easily fixed later.

A city date with friends did my claustrophobic mommy-heart good.  There are some days when the walls of home and car seem very tight, and the expanse of the city line eases the life-is-closing-in-feeling.  We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant which served stellar samosas, delicious dinner and the most amazing coffee I’ve ever had.  It was so good, that I tried my hand at cooking it at home, with great success and happiness.

Another highlight was our 10-10 at 10:10 date to get Elsie’s cast off her arm!  With a clean bill of health, she is back to speeding across monkey bars.

This week it was an honor seeing my 4th and 5th grade teacher from when I lived in Africa.  When time telescopes like this, I shake my head in wonder at how I have such clear memories of when I was as old as two of my children.

October 20134

Other highlights include the fact that I need reading glasses.

DSC_5835

Yesterday, two of my accessory-loving children got into my closet.  It was a much-needed diversion from school.

2013-10-018

Then somehow the outfit helped Jack get through the rest of his work a little easier.

2013-10-16

Cooking is on an upswing for me, after a long bout in non-inspiration land.

DSC_5832-001

Matthew visited the ENT this week and found out he has a yeast infection in his throat, so he’s on medicine for that now.  His voice continues to be hoarse and he’s trying to rest it as much as possible.  Otherwise, he feels well.  In the next couple of weeks he needs to meet up with the plastic surgeon who did the surgery on his eyes a couple of years ago.  We will need to set up a long-term game plan for possible future reconstructive surgery of his sinus area.   The bridge of his nose is collapsing, and before a situation might become emergent, we need to figure out some possible courses of action.  We would love to stop the medical dates, trips to the pharmacy, and be immune to disease.  Yet, we know Jesus more through trial than through ease.  We grow when the weight is heavy, not light.  This temporary home loses much of its charm when it’s full of trouble, and our heavenly home grows more beautiful.  Knowing every situation is allowed by God who knows and loves us more deeply than we’ll ever understand, gives comfort and peace beyond explanation.  One day ENT will have a new meaning for us: that day when Jesus makes everything new.  Everything New Today… might be today!

 

Veggie Ice-Cream

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Some days what is true just doesn’t match up with what I’m feeling.  For instance: I am so in love with my children, and think they are the best.  However, sometimes circumstances cause something inside me to go “snap!”  Like when a voice goes above a certain decibel, or when someone decides to shoot a nerf bullet at someone else’s eye right at bedtime.  I don’t feel the love when someone leaves the freezer just slightly open right before we head out the door, and I find out a few hours later.  My feelings are pretty much the opposite of warm and fuzzy when puddles of special ice-cream have melted into the peas and corn.  My feelings are a simmering pot of hot water when the dairy/veggie mush leads to an entire deep cleaning of the refrigerator and freezer.  I am thankful I can go grocery shopping.  But sometimes dragging five kids in the rain to my least favorite store makes my blood start a slow and steady boil.  I have never had to do this before, but when one of my unnamed children decided to throw their flip-flop as high as they could in the middle of aisle seven, this mama had to climb the shelves like a ladder and pull it out from between the bags of flour on the top shelf.  Excuse me if I step on your groceries.

I love being a mom, but there are times I don’t feel it.

The truth is, I am so incredibly thankful for our home.  Yet sometimes my emotions start dictating thoughts of discontent over the color of my walls or the state of my sofa.  Right now, our laundry room is being refinished.  The floor is gorgeous.  Soon the rest will be as well.
2013-10-03 13.57.50
Until it is finished, I am living out the book, “It Could Always Be Worse”.  If I thought my kitchen felt tight or crowded, a good solution is to bring the washer, dryer, linens, and a dresser in to join the chaos.  Now I am cooking and canning while maneuvering around a dresser.  I plop the kids wherever there is a clean corner of the table, which juts out into the middle of the kitchen.  I have to crawl under the table to fetch the parchment paper or griddle.  The laundry is quickly piling up, because when there is an average of ten dirty outfits a day (factoring in boys), going on a week without a washer, works out to be about seventy outfits needing to be laundered.  It could always be worse.
2013-10-01 21.30.27
So since the kitchen is a mess, we celebrated Nadine’s birthday at Hibachi.  Their faces say it all:
2013-10-06 15.12.20
I am so thankful truth is not based on feelings.  I’m also thankful for rescued flip-flops, clean freezers, and laundry-free days.

Not Giving In To Wimpy

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Elijah is my resident chef.  He likes to help me cook and can make pizza dough all by himself now.  Yesterday he made banana bread while I oversaw.  Once it was in the oven I reminded him that he also had to clean everything up from cooking.  He likes to “experiment” and had left a lot of egg shells and such in various places on the counter and table.  Then there was the butter, the dishes and the measuring utensils to wash.  As I directed him, in the background there were a few arguments that needed refereeing, a bottom that needed wiped, and the usual questions that needed answered.  It was an hour and a half after everyone else had eaten lunch before I finally sat down to my peanut butter and banana toast.  He must have noticed my weariness because he looked at me and said, You know, I guess that card is right: motherhood is not for wimps!  You see, a few weeks ago a friend sent me a marvelous card with that saying on it.  I didn’t even know he had read it, but Elijah pays attention to details when I least expect it.  I just laughed.  He always knows how to make me laugh.

There are plenty of days I want to give in to wimpy.  I don’t like to be strong and hold it together all the time.  Yet once I give in to those feelings, my life unwinds like a ball of yarn and tangles me up so.  Like last week, when the oh-too-familiar “I really got hurt this time” cry met my ears from the front porch.  Elsie held on to her arm and refused to let it go.  An hour later, I dropped the other four kids off at my wonderful parents’ house and drove to the ER.  Again.  Elsie and I are becoming ER buddies.  Turns out she has a buckle fracture in her wrist.  After getting it splinted at the hospital she said, Everyone will be amazed!   The next day we went to the orthopedic doctor where we discovered she needs a cute pink cast on it for four weeks.  She described it as being: Cozy and comfortable but it hurts too.  That’s how it feels.  Elijah said, Elsie really looks good in a cast!  You know, it really suits her!

DSC_4148-001

 

On Sunday, Matthew and I were blessed to have an out-of-hospital date in the city!  We ate at an incredible restaurant with some delightful friends.  The view of Philadelphia was unbelievable.  It almost felt like we were in an airplane.  Even the elevator ride was fun!

September 20132

2013-09-016

2013-09-017
Sprinkled throughout our week have been unintended haircuts, library trips, doctor visits, school, funny finds, purple peppers in the garden, and crock pot dinners.
September 20134

The latest compilation of hilarious sleeping positions:

September 20133
Last night was a hard one for Matthew.  His throat has been stable, but was pretty tight again.  This makes for little sleep for us both, and leaves a lot of room for trust.  The water is rocky, but our Jesus is in the boat and He’s not going anywhere.  Soon we will be able to rest.   For now, there is no room for being wimpy.

 

 

Everyone Needs Paperclips

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Being a week behind in life, what was to be our official starting week of school has been pushed to next week.  It was great being able to go to Ikea and finish off the last-minute things needed to complete our new and improved school room for this year!  (More on that another day…)

2013-09-05 10.34.16

Last night I ran into staples to bind my custom-created yearly planner.  I printed all the calendar and lesson pages (to be filled in as the year goes on) and had them bind it.  It was perfect… until it was backwards.  Thankfully she was able to trim the hole punches off the right hand side and re-bind it on the left.  It was then that I was struck with the need to buy paper-clips.  In the paperclip aisle I stared at the one row: completely sold out.  Twenty-five cents for a hundred paper clips.  What a steal!  There was no way I was going to spend one or two dollars now.  Unfortunately, every other person in Chester County must have needed paperclips this week, too.  I am still a bit irritated.  We literally have no paper clips, and the people who bought them probably only bought them because they were a quarter.

Being in need of something brings out the best and worst in us.  We can either think nasty thoughts of everyone else around us who has what we wish we had.  Or, we can experience God’s strength to power through the intense hunger or need or want we may have.

I have a friend who is going through some intense need.  Four kids, no car, mold in their house so they can’t even be there… completely relying on others to be the hands and feet of Christ.  Completely dependent on what others have to get them where they need to go and give them a roof over their heads.  I know the desire is there to give up and wish those hard things away.  In our recent stay in the hospital we were also completely at the end of our own strength and ability to do life as we normally know it.  The same friend stayed up all night that first night and prayed with me through texts, as she held my hand from afar and kept me from feeling alone.  That is why I know her faith is stronger than circumstances.  Our faith has to be more than skin deep.  When we feel the initial pain of disappointment, annoyance, or unknown, how do we react?  Do we wish it all away, or do we look up and wait in expectation for how God will work out the puzzle in which we find ourselves?

When the Israelites were brought out of Egypt, God received glory.   … He saved them for His name’s sake, that He might make His mighty power known.  He rebuked the Red Sea also, and it dried up; so He led them through the depths, as through the wilderness.  He saved them from the hand of him who hated them, and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.  The waters covered their enemies; there was not one of them left.  Then they believed His words; they sang His praise.  In three verses, a miracle of unimaginable magnitude occurred.  The sea dried up and their problems were literally washed away.  I felt a lot like this the past few weeks.  Things that seemed impossible have happened.  God’s presence was tangibly felt through each sleepless night and raspy breath.  He literally rescued us from death.  Yet the next verses in Psalm 106 are a stark warning.  

They soon forgot His works;
They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness,
And tested God in the desert.
And He gave them their request,
But sent leanness into their soul.

When we forget what God has done for us, we start walking in our own strength and become very discontent.  Over and over, the Bible tells us to remember, remember, remember.  Set up a rock and call it Ebenezer: this far the Lord has helped us.  Write it on your forehead.  Mark it on your calendar and celebrate!  Break the bread and drink the wine.  Don’t forget.  Never ever forget.  Because when we forget, we start to want what is around us.  We wish away the desert and everything hard.  We don’t realize it, but by our forgetfulness and discontent we are never going to experience the way God wants to reveal Himself to us.  When we ask for plenty, we may be given our request, but sometimes it comes at a pretty high price.

I’ve thought long and hard about the past few weeks.  Would I trade the weeks in the wilderness for something a bit easier?  Maybe no sickness, no money problems, no pain?  It is tempting.  Yet the moment I turn my eyes towards what is easy, I sense my focus shifting towards my own strength and not the Lord’s.  My soul becomes hungry and wastes away when it is not relying solely on the Lord for every meal, every need, literally every breath.  I don’t want to forget.  I fear forgetting.  That is one reason I must write:  I must declare out-loud what great things the Lord has done for us!

So whether it is food, mounting bills, a vehicle or paperclips… if we have need, He will provide.  May our souls never become sick because we rush ahead of what God is about to do.  It is incredible both to experience God’s provision and also to be the hands and feet of Christ in practical ways.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort… We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,  as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.  (2 Corinthians 1:3-11)

The Key to Getting Found

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

I hate lost things, I muttered to myself as I slouched across our bed for the umpteenth time today, tears making my cough worse.  It started with a lost library movie.  Which I found lying nonchalantly under someone’s bed.  Then when we were finally ready to actually GO to the library I noticed the keys we needed were not on my carabiner.  Thus began lost things, take two.  An hour later and still no keys, but plenty of tears, I gave up and plopped across our bed again.  Everything lost perspective, became a blur,  and I could only see annoyance, not providence.

Elijah said to me, Mom, do you think that maybe God has a reason we can’t find the keys?  I prickled at his astuteness amidst my tearing apart of our house.  Yes, I’m sure He does, but I have no idea what it is.  My voice was not exactly dripping with grace.

Yeah, He always has a reason, Elijah remarked calmly.

I wasn’t really listening to my nine-year-old and his wisdom, but I’m listening now.

My mind also wanders to a song known by many.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.  
I once was lost, but now am found; was blind but now I see.

I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t hate lost things.  He has a mind-blowing purpose for each and every one of us: lost and ugly sinners.  When we let ourselves be found by Him, we become part of the biggest search and rescue effort ever launched.  The key to getting found is to recognize you are lost.  And you know what?  He never, ever, gives up.

DSC_3353-001

The Confession of the Pork Sausage

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

This past weekend we went camping with our Gateway church family.  We were wholly unprepared, grabbing this and that as we walked out the door.  Our van has been unusable for the past almost two weeks because of cooling problems, so we were up in the air about camping, until a car became available to us.  Long story short, we spent most of our time mooching off of other people’s fires, hot water, & utensils.  I did bring my crock-pot, however.  I also managed to drive half an hour away to fetch ingredients for a soup, only to forget half of them in a bag left at the store.  I didn’t realize this until I arrived back at the camp.  So I had a little cry, then drove all the way back to the store to get the items left behind.  When I arrived, the lady told me they had just taken my things back to the refrigerated section.  This put me back into a foul mood.  In fact, I was so annoyed at the whole situation that I grabbed one extra pack of sausages just to see if they would notice.  Turns out I could have grabbed ten and she wouldn’t have cared.  Nevertheless, I felt pretty guilty about it once I stopped thinking about myself so much.  James 5:16 says to confess your sins to each other.  Have I hit the backspace button numerous times hoping I could erase the fact that I am guilty of stealing?  Why, yes.  And yes, I am a sinner saved by grace and sometimes I still act like a little kid who will do whatever it takes to get what seems fair.  I slept pretty horribly that night too.  Good thing one of the things we grabbed as we walked out the door was an extra piece of foam, or we would have been sleeping on rocks.  But, if we’re talking about getting what’s fair… I should have just rolled right over and slept on the rocks IN the rain as punishment for my awful behavior.

July 20132
Thankfully, that’s not how God works.  He disciplines us like a good parent, but He doesn’t hold our sins over our head to see how much guilt we can bear.  I was reminded of God’s grace Saturday afternoon as a group of us filed into the woods towards a small stream bed.  Our friend wanted to show his faith in Jesus Christ by being baptized publicly.  It was a beautiful sight.  Baptism will never get you into Heaven.  It outwardly symbolizes what’s been done on the inside.  Believing in Christ’s death for the forgiveness of our sins.  Believing His resurrection from the dead means we will never die but always belong to God’s family.

Somehow having an organic gathering of God’s kids out in the woods felt perfect.  Church isn’t just something that happens in a building.  It’s not about blue chairs, wooden pews, the color of the carpet or how many guitars, pianos, or drums are playing.  It has nothing to do with our hymnbook, songbook, chorus book, or prayer-book.  Church isn’t even a building.  It’s not about an hour each week to feel good about ourselves and check it off our list or make brownie points with God.  Church is His body on earth, doing what His hands did, and what He died in order for us to do.  Live.  Love.  Forgive.  Church is a group of living and breathing folks who are following Christ’s example of humility and love.  At least that is what it’s supposed to be.

July 20134
I get very deeply upset when we start making the church more important than Jesus.  When we put more effort into what’s inside four walls than what’s outside of them.  When we act one way Sunday and a completely different way the other six.  When we nitpick about the minors while the majors get shelved out of fear or embarrassment.  When we get more concerned about saving someone’s soul than we do about loving them right where they are.  I am guilty of this and so much more.  My soul is restless to be all that Jesus has been to me.

Worst Date Ever: Absolved

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

It’s hard to believe a whole week has passed since my friend, Ruthie, left.  Ruthie is my friend who, when I was roughly nine years old, used to be my enemy.  Finally, our differences became something beautiful and we couldn’t live without each other.  We’ve seen each other fall in love, experienced birth, death, joy and pain together.  We have friend-shipped from afar, which has always felt a bit like sandpaper on my heart.  So I thank God for those couple of years we had together where the only thing that separated us was a dusty African road we could walk by foot.  About an hour after she, her husband, and four sweet kids drove away I realized our startling and horrifying overlook.  We never took a picture together.  This is a very long-standing tradition.  Before digital.  Before Wal-Mart one-hour-photo.  This has been something we’ve done for the past twenty-three years (gulp).  Giant hair bows, awful haircuts, crazy clothes, you name it.  We have many photos together.  But not this time.  Regardless, we had a wonderful few days with their family, and nothing quite beats sharing our home and our life with people we love.  It pretty much top dogs everything in life.

After they left, we went into town and the boys participated in a last-minute bike race in our neighborhood.  Elijah came in 3rd place!

July 20131

After the bang of fireworks that night, came the explosion of sickness to our house.  It hasn’t quite left us yet, but it’s dying.

A few weeks ago Matthew and I were in great need of a date.  Before we were married we were told: marriage takes work.  Eleven years ago I knew it as an idea, but now I know it by experience.  The night of our date we dropped the kids off at a babysitter’s, and headed out into the unknown.  Little did we know… that was the problem.  We’re usually pretty good about not having a plan.  This particular night the hunger pangs and tiredness from a long week were starting to cloud our decision-making process.  After a much-too-deliberated-upon discussion on where or what we should eat, things started going south.  Details don’t matter at this point.  After shooting down one of his ideas, he was in turn shot down, and we literally spent the rest of the evening not talking to each other.  We drove East, hoping to find a good chicken BBQ, or maybe someone outside grilling from whom we could mooch a piece of meat.  At that point, I didn’t really care.  I would glare in his direction, thinking how insensitive he was being towards me, his wife.  I would sniff.  The tears would trickle down my cheeks.  Silence.  It was going down in history as the worst date of our married life.  We finally ended up at a restaurant not even remotely my favorite, but I requested a salad from it anyway.  We went home to eat it because I didn’t want to be seen in public wiping my snotty nose and glaring at my date.  I banged around the kitchen and pulled a red plate out of the cupboard so at least I didn’t have to eat out of styrofoam.  He grabbed a bag of carrot sticks from the fridge.  Carrot sticks.  That was about the last straw.  If he sat next to me crunching those things while I indulged in a salad with pecan-crusted chicken, the tears would take their seventeenth journey down my face.  Still without talking, I pulled out a second plate, split the salad between us, and we sat down to eat in silence.  Fifteen minutes later it was time to pick up the kids.  Of course, in the last few minutes we started to hash things out.  We never did resolve whatever our problem was until the next day.  Marriage takes work, they said.  It also requires humility, selflessness, and making up, no matter how difficult it can be.

Fast forward to yesterday.  Matthew had some work in Long Beach Island, NJ.  His family was able to watch the kids so I could tag along with him.  We enjoyed an amazing day together.  I read my book while he worked, then after he finished his job he took me on a little surprise excursion.  We went jet-skiing!  I have since learned that a Jet Ski is actually made by Kawasaki and a Waverunner is made by Yamaha.  I can’t quite remember which watercraft we actually used, but I think it was a jet ski.  As we took off, I left my fear on the dock, embraced my twenty-year-old self, and held onto Matthew’s waist tightly.  When we switched positions so I could drive, I revved that thing full throttle.  I screamed and laughed and tossed all my worries into the swirling wake behind us as salt water sprayed my face and the wind whipped my hair into a million tangles.  It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time!

iphone photos4

Keeping our marriage fresh takes work, they said.  Sometimes the work is hard.  Sometimes it just takes a little creativity or letting go of fear.  Don’t get tired of doing what’s right, the Bible says.  I think this can apply to our marriage.  The next right thing may be saying you’re sorry.  It may just mean going out for coffee together.  Or it might mean finding the best chicken BBQ in your county.  Whatever it is, don’t give up.

Hope Postponed

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

When I was younger than my oldest daughter, I met two very special girls who walked alongside of me through life.  They walked the same African dirt roads with me.  They knew all of my awkward crushes and we all guessed at who we’d marry one day.  We fought, we made up, and we eventually grew up.  Our places on the map are scattered, and our visits are rare.  So, when the opportunity came to possibly see one another last weekend, my heart “soared on the wings of anticipation” (my favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables).  I prayed day in and day out that a way would be made possible to get my longing heart to Oregon.  I was reminded over and over of this verse:  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.– Proverbs 13:12

I had many gut-wrenching moments over the past weeks, but was determined to trust the Lord with whatever answer He gave me.  He gently told me, Not this time, Amy.  It wasn’t easy to accept that answer, but I know His ways are best, and experienced His grace to comfort my aching heart.  I love the promise in that verse: after experiencing the waiting, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the fulfillment is greater than the original longing.

It’s kind of like gardening in the dead of winter.  We planted many seeds, and looked for weeks and weeks at barren ground.  I hoped and prayed for beauty to rise from the ugly dirt.  It would have been great to experience instant beauty.  But God doesn’t do the next-day-garden.  He teaches us how to be patient, and sometimes we even feel a little sick when we wait.  Then, life starts to emerge from what seemed impossible.  Those first blooms are the fulfillment of all those longings.  We forget the emptiness when we are so full.  Yet we appreciate it so much more because of the hunger.

Hope postponed grieves the heart;
    but when a dream comes true, life is full and sweet.

June 2013

Sometimes it helps me to write out a verse in my own words.  This comforted me:  When a desire which you expect to be fulfilled, is delayed until the right time, your heart feels sick.  But when a strong desire for something that is unattainable becomes a reality, it is like eating from the tree which gives life.

Maybe you’re waiting for something which seems unattainable.  His answer might be yes, it might be no, or it might be it a little longer.  When it’s perfect, He will make it a reality.  Don’t spurn or wish away the aches that come along with the waiting, though.

For me, it wasn’t the right time, and it may never be this side of Heaven.  But I know for sure that one day we will experience an unbelievable reunion.  We won’t need plane tickets, and we won’t ever need to say goodbye.

Accidental Gardener

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Mommy keeps getting up, Mommy never sits do-own, Elsie is singing in her little sing-song voice, as I make pancakes, flip pancakes, and feed ravenous children.  Feels true most days.  That girl is pretty perceptive.  She is also reading whole books.  She is what I call an accidental learner.  Didn’t really try to teach her, but somehow it happened.  All of a sudden she went from cat and dot, to Funny funny Jane went down with her yellow boat… or something like that.

I’m what I like to call an accidental gardener.  I tend to toss seeds in the ground, convince myself I’ll remember what I planted, and promptly forget.  I also re-potted some zucchini… or yellow squash… not sure which.  Guess we’ll find out in a couple of months!  Into the ground they went.  The tee-pee village is planted with beans, or peas, or something that climbs!  I just forget which is where.  I think I’ve mentioned before that I like surprises!

DSC_9163-001

Some surprises I don’t like in particular are those of the check-engine-light variety.  This week we’ve been stuck at home while the van was in the shop.  Then we were given the word we really expected to receive years ago: Your van is not worth fixing.  It just might crumble if they fix the list of things that need attention.  It wasn’t really a surprise, I guess.  It’s like thinking spring will never come, just because it feels like winter will never end.  Yet spring surprises us every year.  So even though it felt like our van would never die, its retirement was guaranteed.  Sixteen years old, almost 240,000 miles… it’s seen the birth of three kids and experienced the growth of five… traveled cross-country, up north, south, and west many times, and in general gets good use.  We couldn’t be more thankful.  We shopped for it when we lived in Honduras, and prayed for no one to buy it when we found it online.  Awesome story of how God provided it.  He obviously had it marked out specially for us.  And He can do that again.

After writing all of the above, life happened!  Not wanting to be known as the mommy who never sits down, today I sat down.  Not mindlessly, and not to give in to the melancholy that was swiftly setting in from anxious thoughts rising to the forefront of my mind.  I sat in the sunshine, red mug in hand, Bible open. IMG_0656

Yes, I had a chattering shadow, but I’m learning how “quiet time” in my heart doesn’t necessarily  mean it’s quiet all around me.  My eyes fell to the page, heart aching to be filled.  Hungry, like it’s been awhile since a good meal.  Colossians 3:15 filled me up: Let the peace of God rule in your hearts…and  be thankful.  A two-fold, sturdy step for my anxious heart to take hold.  First, I had to ask myself:  What else is ruling?  Myself?  Worry?  Anger?  Usually what’s in charge is the first thing that is evident to those around you and to yourself.  I knew peace was not ruling.  It felt a little bit more like uncertainty and a swiftly beating heart was ruling, every time I looked out the window at our sad, sad van.  Saying He will provide, to others, is much easier than telling it to myself.

Let the peace of God rule.  Allow it, invite it to permeate every inch of my heart.  Spread it around like flower seeds and watch it grow.  It will produce more peace every time.

Be thankful.  Oy, that’s a hard one, when all I want to do is complain, compare, and covet.  It’s non-negotiable, though.  As any grammar freak knows, this is not a question, nor a statement, nor an exclamation, but a command.  With all commands, we can choose to obey or not.  The consequences of not obeying result in all the things we fight against: complaining, comparing, and coveting.   Thankfulness brings Christ right into focus, fading out what doesn’t matter.

So, as we step into the unknown, I am reminded: my God is the God-Who-Provides.  He is never accidental in what He does.

DSC_9178-001

DSC_9179-001

Up-Cycling My Day

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

I took a big girl pill yesterday and cleaned. my. room.  When I say clean, what I also mean is… you guessed is… rearrange!  As I was working in the kitchen last night I grinned when Matthew yelled down the stairs to me, You’re crazy!  Elijah, always overhearing things said,  Mom?  Did Dad just say you’re crazy?  Yes, son, he did.  That is how I clean.  I must move things.  I even got brave and threw away half of my old cassette tapes.  What are those, you ask?  Take a look see:

IMG_0558[1]

When I was just a bit older than my daughter, I used to record Odyssey episodes from the radio onto cassettes.  Then I labeled them, lined them up in order and made a spread sheet of my collection.  Hand-written, of course.  See, there is a bit of organization deep within me somewhere that hasn’t been zapped by five child-births and the accumulation of clothing, food, and dishes we now produce each day.  I’m always on a quest for better organization, more purging, and up-cycling whatever has lived out its original purpose.

I went to bed on a sort of cleaning high.  Then, this morning started off with crying and fighting and pee on the floor.  My clean room was quickly forgotten and I stormed around like an angry elephant.  My tea was warmed up too many times.  I got INTERRUPTED while I tried to read my Bible.  Imagine.  Then before you know it, the mayhem began again at lunchtime.  But tucked in these harrowed time slots are moments of joy and beauty within the mess.  Jack read me an entire book.  This is huge.  So proud of him!

While someone annoyed someone else, I kept my voice down, sat the culprit on the step, then we calmly discussed how the situation could have been handled better.  This too is huge.  Inside I’m a door-slammer and a foot-stomper, so when the outside stays calm, this is a huge victory that I praise God for strengthening me to do!

Betty, though potty-trained for a few months now, had been pooping in her pants a lot.  The past few days it’s gone into the potty, not the panties, and she chatters about the treat she will get after she’s done.  Two chocolate chips were never better earned!  Saving wipes and mommy’s sanity is indeed something to celebrate!

So, though every moment is to be celebrated because we’re alive to breathe it, we often don’t.  I think about Boston, and how a few runners were just about to the finish line, on the biggest high of their day, when everything erupted into chaos and horror.  Life does that to us.  We don’t know what our next moment will bring.  We can not act surprised, though when things get dirty and horrible and messed up.  In this life, you will have trouble.  But take heart, I have overcome the world!  (John 16:33)  This means that trouble is guaranteed.  But something else is for certain as well: Jesus has overcome the world by His death on the cross!  He has… it’s already done.  Since it’s a finished work, we don’t have to wallow in the darkness, sorrow, and disappointment that comes our way.  He is there to calm our voices, steady our minds, and lighten our hearts.

When a day is all wrong and we want a new one, we have to remember we’re only given today.  Through Christ, we can have courage and victory, because He already has.