matthew

Finishing With A Smile

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The weekend has come and gone.  Hours of preparation, driven into the pavement, mile by mile.  The weather this year was amazing.  I even had to wear a jacket through the night to ward off feeling chilly.

On Friday evening, we delivered the three youngest to my in-laws and picked up Matthew’s race packet.  He got checked out by the race doctors, and then we went home to rest.  I barely slept, full of excitement and wonder for the following two days.  On Saturday morning I drove to Philly to drop him off at the start line, with his cooler of food and drinks, and said good-bye.  Then I drove with a friend to drop Nadine off at girl’s camp for the week!    Elijah went with my mom where he then was driven to soccer camp on Sunday.  What a crazy, emotional day of saying goodbye!

By the time I finished dropping her off and made my way back to Philly, it was about 7:30 pm.  I drove the race loop where Matthew was running, in hopes of seeing him.  I found him around mile 3 of 8.  He was with his buddy from high-school.  What a blessing, since the previous few hours he had been struggling with some major stomach discomfort.  When he made it back to the start/finish line, he lay down on the ground and said he felt like throwing up.  His stomach was not happy.  At this point in time, a slew of friends and family had arrived, and we chatting around him, some praying, some just talking.  We waited it out for an hour or so before he finally sat up and ate something that agreed with him.

The next two loops were run with different friends.  I was able to pray and see the lights of Philadelphia in the middle of the night.   Then two girl friends of mine came to sit with me through the night.  I never felt alone, which had been one of my anxieties.  I didn’t realize how much this had been weighing on me until I sat there with them.  It was pretty special.  How important it is to be there for one another!

Once 4 am rolled around, my half-marathon buddy, Gail, and I fast-walked with Matthew through the dawn.  It was incredible starting off at night and ending in day.  We met a fellow lone ranger on the path who was pretty discouraged, and he started to keep pace with Matthew.  Once we finished that loop, it was already 6 am, and so Matthew started out for his 10th loop and then some, alone.  The total mileage he logged was 88.5.  His goals were to finish at 10am, have fun, finish with a smile, and be able to walk to the car unassisted.  He did all these things, and I couldn’t be more proud.

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1- Our last time all together for a week!
2- One last nap, storing up reserves
3,4- Getting all checked in for race day!
5- Lots of melon for the runner
6- When I first spotted Matthew, 9 hours into the race.  I beeped my horn like a crazy woman and cried a bit too.
7- A four-year tradition of sidewalk chalk
8- Servant-friends, helping Matthew through the hardest part of the night
9- An art museum steps walk/talk/prayer time
10- Hot tea, words of encouragement and lots of love
11- Almost there
12- Sleep for a long time
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He ended with a smile.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

Cleared To Run

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I’ve always loved to fly.  Something about the sound of an airplane being able to go where my finite body can not on its own, simply amazes me.  I remember the sound of an airplane coming back to our small station in the middle of Africa.  I remember the pilots calling out in French: attention! before starting the propeller for take-off.  I remember being in those Cessnas so many times, eagerly spying out Mount Nyankunde, which meant we were home.  My sister always had her head buried in her lap, or eyes closed, so I took in all the scenery for her, my stomach never feeling the queasy hers did.  Before each flight, the mechanics cleared the plane for flying.

This weekend is a big deal for Matthew.  His body has been cleared to run, and we are pumped up to take this 24 hour flight.  We, meaning, he is doing all the running, and I will be on the sidelines cheering him on big time.  When we think back to a year ago, we didn’t know his esophagus was closing up and the strange loss of his voice meant more trouble was brewing in the near future.  It was a really hot weekend, and whether it was truly canceled because of the heat or not, we look at it as a blessing from God.  We don’t know what would have happened out there, but I think God preserved his life.

About 95 percent of folks think what he is doing is pretty crazy.  They ask, why?  Reading through the first year of the race, here, I am revisited by goosebumps.  Is it safe?  This question makes Matthew laugh.  I don’t believe Matthew is stupid, but he also isn’t fearful.  Too often we let fear keep us from pushing harder.  If you asked him why he runs, his answer always is: I  feel closer to the Almighty God when I run.  Running strips him bare.  He spends a lot of time in prayer while he runs.  On the practical side of safety, his doctors have given him an excellent bill of health.  However, on the side of safety where most of us dwell… not wanting to be in pain, shying away from inconvenient, and letting fear of difficulty keep us from getting stronger… he is living on the edge.  Because it isn’t about safety, this life on earth.  It’s about trusting a really big God who isn’t always safe.  As C.S. Lewis penned: “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

There are three men we pray for daily, throughout the day.  One, Jerry, is a prisoner in Africa, and we are praying for him to be found, released and the darkness to fall.  One, Saed, is in a known jail, but illegally being tortured and willingly kept from his home country of the United States.  Another is a good friend of ours and he lives in an incredibly dark, hellish environment in one of the most unsafe regions of the world.  All three are running an eternal race with eternal significance.  We don’t know the end of their stories on earth yet.  We know what they are experiencing, both willingly and without choice, is bringing even greater glory to God.  When Matthew runs, he enters into the suffering of these men who are running too.  Maybe not with their feet, but certainly with their lives.  As Elsie keeps asking me about Jerry, she says, Mama?  Is he still running?  Yes, he is still running.  And with all of our breath, so we should be too.

We’ve been cleared to run.

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From Kayaks to Clark Kent

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It is most definitely time for a photo dump.  Halfway through June, and so much has happened!  We went to Marsh Creek during Memorial Day weekend and had a fabulous time!  The weather was gorgeous, and Betty was so cute in the canoe.  Elijah experienced solo kayaking for the first time.
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There have been moments of frustration and moments of sweetness.  We still have Toby, who loves to go on walks with his little vest and leash on his back.   Phone Photos9
The Weldons recently had a family reunion/anniversary party and there was a fabulous glam cam there.  We took full advantage of the fun:June 2014
And just because I love it:
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The kids and I recently went on a field trip to Harrisburg.  What a beautiful building and fascinating history!  The photo of the bookshelf is of a treat I found on it one day: superglue, super-glued to the wood.  On Father’s Day all Matthew wanted to do was have a workout in the park, so he and a friend met there and did just that.  Elsie and Betty continue to be “twins” every day, and it’s hard to keep their two “twin” outfits clean… but on the days they are dirty, they seem to figure out another way to manage the job of looking as much like the other as possible.Phone Photos6
The small photo of the girls sleeping is a tiny glimpse of what has been filling my weeks.  We have rearranged five rooms of the house to accommodate an office for Matthew.  As his business grows, so do the papers and the need for a spot to do his at-home work.  Happy Father’s Day to him!  I will post pictures o the finished product soon.  As an exclamation point to our week, Jack got glasses!  We are excited to see if they help with the challenge that school has been for him this year.  We may not have Mary Poppins living here, but Clark Kent is in the house.Phone Photos8

Everything New Today, or ENT

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As usual, this week has passed about as quickly as the wind that whips my hair through the open windows of the car.  This phone dump is a smattering of what has blown through this week:

My life, in our van, is always noisy.  I admit, I’m jealous of folks who say their kids get sleepy in the car.  Ours tend to go a bit wild.  They tell jokes, do anything and everything to annoy their neighbor, cry, sing, tattle, and do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.  I experienced an almost-flat tire last Saturday.  When I drove into the gas station to check it out, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet when a very nice man started to pump up my visibly flat tire.  Turns out there was a screw in there, and was easily fixed later.

A city date with friends did my claustrophobic mommy-heart good.  There are some days when the walls of home and car seem very tight, and the expanse of the city line eases the life-is-closing-in-feeling.  We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant which served stellar samosas, delicious dinner and the most amazing coffee I’ve ever had.  It was so good, that I tried my hand at cooking it at home, with great success and happiness.

Another highlight was our 10-10 at 10:10 date to get Elsie’s cast off her arm!  With a clean bill of health, she is back to speeding across monkey bars.

This week it was an honor seeing my 4th and 5th grade teacher from when I lived in Africa.  When time telescopes like this, I shake my head in wonder at how I have such clear memories of when I was as old as two of my children.

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Other highlights include the fact that I need reading glasses.

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Yesterday, two of my accessory-loving children got into my closet.  It was a much-needed diversion from school.

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Then somehow the outfit helped Jack get through the rest of his work a little easier.

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Cooking is on an upswing for me, after a long bout in non-inspiration land.

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Matthew visited the ENT this week and found out he has a yeast infection in his throat, so he’s on medicine for that now.  His voice continues to be hoarse and he’s trying to rest it as much as possible.  Otherwise, he feels well.  In the next couple of weeks he needs to meet up with the plastic surgeon who did the surgery on his eyes a couple of years ago.  We will need to set up a long-term game plan for possible future reconstructive surgery of his sinus area.   The bridge of his nose is collapsing, and before a situation might become emergent, we need to figure out some possible courses of action.  We would love to stop the medical dates, trips to the pharmacy, and be immune to disease.  Yet, we know Jesus more through trial than through ease.  We grow when the weight is heavy, not light.  This temporary home loses much of its charm when it’s full of trouble, and our heavenly home grows more beautiful.  Knowing every situation is allowed by God who knows and loves us more deeply than we’ll ever understand, gives comfort and peace beyond explanation.  One day ENT will have a new meaning for us: that day when Jesus makes everything new.  Everything New Today… might be today!

 

Beauty That Outweighs

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I woke with a start to see him sitting in the chair in our room.  It was around 2AM, and his face had the look of death about it.  I thought someone had died and I quickly went over to him to see who.  He barely got the words out: I’m not doing so well.  My heart dropped a bit, and I sat on his lap with my head on his chest, which was tight for air.  His exhausted body finally relaxed into sleep and then rallied through for a few more days of work and life.

Every day is full of unknowns.  This is true whether you’re sick or well.  I remember the plaguing thoughts of “he might die from this” when he was first diagnosed with Wegener’s Granulomatosis, eight years ago.  I thought they had been banished but was surprised to find them resurfacing the past few nights.  The panic is very close to overwhelming when I go through the motions in my head.  Then I must remember I don’t have the grace to handle this unknown because it is just that: unknown.

Jesus only gives us the strength we need to bear what we’re going through right now.   It is sufficient grace, meaning it’s not meant to handle “what ifs” or my imaginings.  His grace is sufficient to handle the ache of seeing my husband not well.  It is sufficient to love him, love our children, and do what God tells me to do today.  It is not sufficient at this point in time to go through the motions of life without him, because he is still here.  Living in the land of What If is poisonous to one’s soul.  It is a misuse of God’s amazing gift of today when I go through the motions of death and depression when life is right in front of me.

I have faith that just as God’s grace is sufficient to sustain me through weeks of sickness, it is sufficient to sustain me through more than that.  I just need Him today, this hour, this moment, to hold me up and rejoice over me with singing.  Whatever your today is, even if it’s tainted with the sting of death, He is more than sufficient to calm your heart and sooth your ache.

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We wish you could see how all this is working out for your benefit, and how the more grace God gives, the more thanksgiving will rebound to his glory. This is the reason why we never collapse. The outward man does indeed suffer wear and tear, but every day the inward man receives fresh strength. These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain. For we are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent.

– 2 Corinthians 4:15-18 (Phillips)

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Since writing this, Matthew is still struggling with something unknown, possibly unrelated to his chronic respiratory issues.  It doesn’t appear to be life-threatening, but not any of us is to say when our last breath should be.  We appreciate your prayers for joy and refinement through this time.  He is seeing a few different doctors at this time.

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I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long

You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very One I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery: this is why, this is why I sing.

-Jeremy Camp

Pig Tails and 100-Mile Trails

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You and me, we were always best buddies, Elijah told Jack.  They sat on the couch today, looking at photo albums together.  I love keeping photos of the kids close at hand so they can flip through them and tell stories about “days gone by” with great gusto, imagination and sometimes slight exaggeration.   The summer boredom bug has been hitting everyone at random times of the day.  To combat it today, everyone is writing down recipes for their library summer log.  It is fabulous.  There is nothing better than cobwebby brains getting a good dusting with a pencil and paper or a good book to read.

Summer brings out the pig tails as well.
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Today Betty exclaimed about the birthmark on her arm: I have a birk!
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Today Elijah found my old walkman and box of tapes.  This was a delightful novelty to share with my 21st century kids.

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This weekend Matthew was supposed to run for 24-hours.  Long story short, it was cancelled at the last-minute, supposedly because of the heat… which was not even as bad as the week prior had been.  Telling an ultra-runner it’s too hot to run is like telling an Eskimo it’s too cold to fish, Matthew said.  It was a difficult day of disappointment for us both, along with the hundreds of runners involved.  The months of training and preparation both physically and mentally is hard to describe.  The running bug has not been quenched and running 100-miles is about as magnetic to him as a puddle is to a kid.  It doesn’t make sense to most people, but aren’t you glad we’re not all made to run, play, cook, write, paint or sing the same way?  In all areas of life, instead of labeling someone as weird, we should admire them for how amazing God made them.  Some to labor for hours on a still-life painting.  Some to perfect a recipe.  Some to build unbelievable structures.  Some to conquer math problems.  Some to write poetry.  Some to raise children.  Some to see beauty in the ashes.  Some to run 100 miles.  Stay tuned.

In My Head

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Yesterday, Elsie came down to the kitchen with a coonskin hat on her head, and a silky pink polka-dot cape around her neck.  In a very serious voice she asked me what I too have been wondering lately:  Mom, is it going to rain every day?  We’ve been caught in so many deluges the past two weeks!  I’ve hung up clothes, only for them to be washed a dozen times in the rain before finally bringing them inside to the spin cycle and clothes dryer, because I really needed that shirt.  I’ve gotten showered while running to move the car.  Finally, today I was able to bond with the dirt once again and discovered my first daisy!  Zucchini growing, flowers planted from seed, now blooming.  It does my soul good.

On Wednesday we made out with a huge bin of K’nex for $5 from a used sale.  Elijah has been skipping breakfast for the past two days in order to build this amazing contraption.

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He often leaves me notes on my phone, can fix bikes, and loves anything electronic.

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He also loves apricot jelly.  When he was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for himself he saw me about to say something and interjected: I know, I know.  No more jelly.  That’s what you always say when there’s an inch of jelly on my bread.

I have a knack at going grocery shopping either dangerously close to lunch time, or at midnight.  This particular time it was right around noon.  Everyone was hungry.  As Elsie remarked, her tummy felt backwards. To make up for it, I let the kids pick out a few special items to eat, and we had a spontaneous picnic at the splash park.  As we sat on the grass, eating, Elijah looked at me with his orange fingers and said, The one thing that makes me think I’m dreaming is that you would never say yes to Doritos.  He grinned and licked his fingers.

Matthew’s youngest brother just graduated from highschool.  I’ve known him since he was three years old, which makes me feel very old.  What a wonderful young man Jacob has become.

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The other day Elsie asked me: Does God hear you when you talk in your head?  It’s a wonderful thing that He does, because most of my talking to Him is done that way!  While wrestling wet babies out of the kiddie pool.  While putting certain children on time-out steps and wondering what on earth to do next.  While wiping tables, bottoms, and countertops.  While slicing onions and running through a few recipes in my head.  While picking up again and again and again.  While driving with the background noise at a deafening level.  While running a few city blocks in silence.  While peeking in on sleeping cherubs in their beds.  While doubting, fearing, rejoicing, and giving thanks.  He hears our silent prayers.

The past week it seems like our kids have fallen asleep in the weirdest places.  While watching a movie, the boys fell asleep like this:

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The other night Elsie fell out of bed and kept right on sleeping.  I couldn’t lift her back onto her bed, and thought Matthew would before we went to bed.  He forgot, and the next morning Elsie informed me that she slept on the floor all night.  I felt bad, but it didn’t seem to bother her!  Then, one night Jack was determined to wait up until Matthew and I came in from the front porch where we were talking.  When I came inside to get something, I almost tripped over his sleeping body.
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Both Elijah and Jack had the privilege of going to work with their Daddy one day the past week.  Jack created a few things out of scrap wood.  Here he is, holding his “Goliath Sword”.DSC_1271-001
Besides all of the usual keep-the-house-clean-feed-the-bellies-do-laundry-pull-weeds-kind-of-days, I’ve been burning the midnight oil and writing papers to finish up my doula recertification.  I am one credit away from mailing in all my paperwork that I’ve been working on for the past three years.  I am so excited to check it off my list and delve into school planning for next year.  I sold all of my books which we used the past two years, and am excited for our new ones to arrive next week!  I am hoping to plan out the bulk of the year before truly relaxing for a couple of months.    Matthew has been an incredible support for me as I have pursued my dreams and goals.  We are enjoying doing cross-fit together and eating 100% paleo!  More on that another time!  I do just want to say how incredible Matthew’s health has been since zeroing in on his diet.  I have finally come alongside him in eating a disciplined diet and it’s such a blessing to be united in this area.  God is teaching us many things as we wait on Him and trust Him with our unknowns.  When He says, This is the way, walk in it… we have no choice but to obey.  It might just mean eating more vegetables.  It might mean how we do school.  It might mean staying put.  It might mean moving forward.
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ER Date

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Please, God, just let us stay at home tonight, I kept praying.  Matthew went to bed at 8 o’clock, looking feverish and limping into bed.  A two-week-old gash on his leg changed from a sore that looked like it was healing, to an angry, swollen, sore leg.  Infection was swiftly making its home in his blood, taking up residence where it has no right to belong.  So, here we sit in Hallway Bed A.  Emergencies all around us, requiring us to take a hallway bed.

Thank you, Lord for his leg.  In a different century, that might not be.

We see how frail our bodies are.  How quickly a small trip up can lead to more serious consequences.  It was just a wooden box.  It was just a little wound.   How can it wreak such havoc?  One thing leads to another.

We see people we know.  A friend of theirs rushed here by ambulance because of an overdose.  One choice ravages a life.  One thing leads to another.

The red creeps past the black marker.

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It’s been awhile now.  Antibiotics are surging into his bloodstream.  Picking a fight with the nasty bad guys we can’t see.  The red stops creeping.

Fear collides with peace.  We will keep our eyes on You.  

Going home for the rest of the night.  We’ve had fun on our ER date.  It’s been awhile since we had one of those.  Prayers all over the globe were answered on our behalf in a lavished-on grace-full way.  Home tonight.  We eat popcorn in our bed, fully aware that God is good.

We will keep our eyes on You.

World’s Toughest Mudder Experience

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Our tendency is to shy away from pain and discomfort.  This weekend I came face to face with over a thousand people who thought otherwise.  My husband was one of them.  Matthew competed in the World’s Toughest Mudder in New Jersey.  Nadine and I went to support and cheer him on.  If I could recap everything in a couple of words, I would choose: Muddy, Cold, and Stinking Hard.  Willingly, they began a 24-hour race stretching 10 miles, dotted with 32 obstacles.  The goal: get through as many laps as you could in 24-hours.  It started out as quite fun.  Beautiful weather, warm gloves, french fries and treats made our spectator spot quite appealing.

Some friends sent us off with a package of treats which we enjoyed immensely   Another friend mailed me a package with 24 gifts to open at each hour.  We lined them up on the dashboard of our van, and I took a picture of most of them, but once it got dark I put my camera away.  I appreciated the toothbrush and toothpaste for when my mouth got “woolly”, and the glow sticks at 9pm were a great hit.  The handwarmers at midnight were a lifesaver!  Books to pass the time, and other gifts to simply make me smile and take my mind off the shivers.  Thank you! 
Matthew’s “tent” site, without a tent.  Simply a blanket, chair and box of ice-tea and food… everything that wasn’t consumed was frozen solid by night.


My wonderful daughter who kept me company and helped my spirit tremendously throughout the day.

Coming off Everest.  One side they slid down, then on the other side of the lap they had to scale it again.
Our favorite guy.

Once the sun started dipping over the horizon, however, things took quite a different turn.  The temperature dropped so low that everything wet started to freeze.  That basically meant every single surface, since there was mud and water everywhere.  My boots no longer kept my feet warm, and I wondered at the wet sneakers of each runner, and how their toes weren’t falling off.  I won’t give you a breakdown of every hour, but between the hours of 10pm and 1am, I was at my lowest.   The hat and gloves Matthew was wearing didn’t fit him correctly, so he had taken them off,  which later made matters worse.  His hands were so cold.  This was in the back of my mind while Nadine and I warmed ourselves in the van.  She eventually fell asleep and I set off to try to find Matthew since we had lost contact with him for 3 hours.   At midnight I walked the now familiar mile to the 29th obstacle, to see if I could find him.  I did.  He was the best muddy sight I have ever seen.  Holding back my tears, and while my feet froze in my dry boots, I watched him go through icy cold water and then through some electroshock “therapy”.  We walked the last frigid mile together.  When we split up, he told me he would see if he could warm his hands and feet.  I went to our van to close my eyes for a bit, and the next thing I knew, he was knocking on the window, bags in hand.  His body felt physically able to continue, but the cold dominated.  He completed 40 miles total.

I’m so incredibly proud of his determination, his courage to face very difficult situations, his stamina, and his wisdom to know when enough is enough.  I’m so thankful for the people who rallied around us during this weekend.  I’m so thankful that Matthew didn’t suffer any injuries, and that we were able to grow closer to each other through this experience.

What Really Happened

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Out of all the comments posted, trying to figure out why we were laughing so hard in these pictures, only one person was close to being correct.  Indeed, there was some bathing suit slippage going on for my dear husband.  The poor guy is still wearing the same bathing suit he wore on our honeymoon, over ten years ago.  Let’s just say, it’s lived a good life.

In order to keep it up, he figured out that by handily hooking the elastic band around his neck, it effectively kept up his suit.  He’s a handy guy!

There.  Now your curiosity is abated.  I hope you get a good laugh.  We sure did!  Now I think it’s officially time for some new drawers.