Let Freedom Grow

A word which has shaped and defined this year is freedom.  I’m seeing it played out in so many ways throughout my every day.  For instance.  Today my skirt fell off.  Under many circumstances, this would have been categorized as one of my most embarrassing moments.  Thankfully, I was *only* outside in the front yard, having just walked out to our van to grab something and bring it inside.  The mailman wasn’t there.  No one was walking by.  The neighbors weren’t mowing their lawn.  I speedily pulled it together and ran inside.  This can be categorized as freedom, though not exactly what I had in mind on January 1st.  My box of wrap skirts have taken center stage in my wardrobe.  And I will not let a small setback, such as one falling off of me, deter me from wearing them.  My twenty-week-belly loves the wrap skirt idea.  2016-06-30 17.31.40This week the kids have been able to feel baby Chip move so much.  Their faces are priceless!  Jack sat there with his hand on my tummy for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden his hand shot back and he looked at me with his eyes and mouth about the same width.  It was great!  As I sit on the front porch this evening after a busy day of mommy-ing, attacking the weeds in my garden, and doing the regular mounds of laundry, I feel some kicking.  Baby Chip most certainly had a growth spurt this week, because all of a sudden I make a funny noise when I bend over, forgetting my front has expanded into my ribcage when in that position.  That, and I keep stubbing my toes when I walk upstairs.  I think it’s because I don’t lift my legs as high right before I take a step.  Pretty much on the dot, every night around 11pm the gymnastics starts, and I sit with my hand on my belly, in wonderment at another life bursting with joy inside of me.  Freedom.
IMG_8608[1]
For the past six weeks, Elsie has had a cast on her right arm.  After about a day of figuring out how to do stuff with a perpetually bent arm, she quickly resumed life with a cast, almost as if she had none.  She literally lets nothing hold her back.  Even without the use of her thumb, she figured out how to tie her shoes, do monkey bars, climb, ride a bike and even play baseball!
2016-07-01 22.40.29.png
Monday was a big day for her, when she was liberated from its confines.  Freedom.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words:
IMG_8590[1]This week I had to say goodbye to a dear, sweet friend.  Our husbands met at a spin class about 8 years ago, which was definitely a God-ordained meeting, since I don’t think either of them have been to a spin class ever since.  Our kids are the same age, and we’ve watched and prayed eachother through some mutually serious health issues.  She is the friend who introduced Plexus to me, and after watching her journey to health and freedom, jumped in to join her.  She has been an incredible source of joy and encouragement and wisdom to me the past few years.  I love how in Heaven others will truly find out how much impact they’ve had on your life.  Thankfully Tennessee isn’t too far, but knowing I can’t just pop over makes me get a little teary.  Letting loved ones go and be and do what they’ve been called to is one of the hardest things on earth, I believe.  Yet, letting them go gives you more freedom to love stronger and deeper and further than before.
2016-06-26 13.47.01
Once a week Nadine has been getting back into the saddle.  It’s the highlight of her week.  She gets to ride with one of her best friends as well, which adds all sorts of amazingness to her week.  To me, it’s scary.  To her, it’s freedom.  She continues to be a huge source of help to me around the house and is growing in her babysitting abilities.  nrw
Today our not-so-bitty-Betty lost her first tooth!  She is growing up, embracing her big sister role already, and is somwhat of an old soul.  Sometimes I look at her and wonder on what wavelength she communicates to God.  He must tell her things I can’t quite fathom.  If you’ve ever had a conversation with her, you might understand what I’m having a hard time putting in to words.  Growing up requires a little bit of pain, which usually results in more freedom.
2016-07-01 13.09.59-2.jpg
Speaking of growing up.  There are these two characters who live in the attic, who often sound like a small herd of elephants when they come down the stairs.  But they are in actuality, boy-men.  Boys trapped in bodies which are swiftly becoming men.  Boys who dream of motorcycles and ammunition and muscles and big stuff like jobs.  Jobs that pay money so Elijah can get his pilot’s license and fly his friends wherever they want to go.  It’s fun to listen to their dreams and know that many of them will come true if we never plant seeds of doubt into their fertile minds.  Freedom.
2016-06-21 14.07.13.jpg
Apparently there is a “look back and compare an old picture of you and your spouse to now” thing going on over on facebook.  So, for fun I decided to do just that.  I practically died when I pulled out this doozy of a photo from nine years ago!  Matthew had been sick for about a year and a half, was on high doses of toxic meds, and I was barely surviving as a mom of three.  How incredibly blessed and grateful I am for the road we have traveled, and for the way the Lord has helped us navigate the stormy path.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Processed with MOLDIV
We don’t even know how many prayers have gone up for us on Matthew’s behalf.  So many.  There were times we literally felt like there was no way to go on.  We praise the Lord for the gift of health.  We know we are never guaranteed another breath.  But for every breath we are given, we praise Him!  Matthew is out running right now, his reflective vest on, heart pumping, lungs breathing, windpipe open.  Not something we would have thought about before.  It is the storm which has made our love so strong.  It is being in the pit which has made the air above so clean and worth savoring.  2016-06-28 23.14.09
We pray for open hands to receive both the sickness and the health.  The richer and the poorer.  Til death do us part.  In doing this, there is great freedom.

 

The Bay Island Experience

 

In all of our almost ten years of marriage, Matthew and I have moved fourteen times.  
A few of those times, it was “just” moving a bunch of suitcases from one place to another as we switched apartments, while the rest of our belongings were in storage.  I love reflecting back on each move, and how God miraculously provided for us at just the right time.  Before Elijah was born, we lived with Matt’s parents.  I was on bed rest, so his mom was helping me out with Nadine while I lived in their attic and kept busy trying to keep a little baby cooking as long as possible.  When Elijah decided to come two months early, he spent five weeks in the NICU.  That’s another story.  A month after he came home, we moved to Honduras to live for five months.  It was a huge highlight of our married life.


We lived in one room here, one room there, moving with the missionaries we were visiting, until we reached the island of Roatan, just off the Honduran coast.  When we arrived, Matthew was literally puking his guts out from sea-sickness.  The short ferry-ride to the island had done him in completely.  While he threw up over the side of the deck, I was stuck below with both kids.  No children were allowed on deck, and instead of having the support of my husband, I sat next to some wacko guy who told me stories about his fire-breathing tricks.  It was a very tumultuous beginning.

 


When we moved into our own apartment, it was one room, with a small divider that separated the kitchen from the bedroom area.  We rigged a curtain around Nadine’s bed, and Elijah started off in a suitcase before moving to a pack n’ play.

It was the magic pack n’ play, that literally fit in every space we ever needed it to fit.  The legs fall off every time we put it up, but we still use it all the time at Grandma’s house.

That apartment had two burners in the kitchen, and a sink.  That was it.  I learned how to make homemade tortillas, and shrimp that could make your mouth dance.  Lobster was like chicken, and we ate it every week.  I made no-bake cookies a lot, and I really started to miss having an oven.  Almost every day we would buy “pan dulce” (sweet bread) from a lady who came to know we would buy her delightful  bread whenever she came knocking.  We spent our days studying Spanish, swimming in the Caribbean, and praying about what we should do next with our lives.  A very definite close in chapter was going on back home, and we were headed off to California that summer.  So, in those few months, we read a lot, prayed a lot, and walked a lot!  We had two sweet babies who were 13 months apart, and whom everyone thought were twins.  
We walked to get our groceries, walked to check our email, walked to visit our friends.  It was beautiful there.  At night, when the kids were asleep, we would lock up the apartment, and walk down the pier of the motel and sit on the end, listening to the ocean below us and looking at the stars above us.

Then, one day, a family that was living in the one big apartment of the motel, moved back to the States.  Matt asked the owner if we could live there instead.  It was worked out, and we quickly packed up our bags and carried them up the stairs to the HUGE apartment.  My favorite feature?  The oven.  I also loved the winding stairs that brought you up to the living room, and the windows that were everywhere so you could see the ocean.  The bedroom was window-less, but housed a California King-sized bed in which I got lost every single night.  The living room and bedroom were basically connected, but the kitchen was not seen from the bed room.  The bathroom got so hot around mid-day that you had to dance while you peed so your feet wouldn’t burn!  But I loved it there.  I loved the crazy deck with completely unsafe measurements between the slats.  I loved how you could watch a storm coming from miles away, and how I could hang my laundry to dry in the salty breeze.


Thankfully neither of my children ever fell from that deck.  We would drag mattresses outside and play, while the ocean breezes kissed our faces.  I would make pizza twice a week, just because I could.  We also bought cheap chocolate cake mix and would sometimes make a whole cake in the oven and eat it for supper after the kids were asleep.  The other huge blessing about that apartment was that our friends before us had rigged a satelite dish onto the roof where we could connect our laptop to the internet.  No longer did we have to walk to the Yacht Club to check our email.

 I felt like we lived the life of kings.

It was so much fun when my parents came to visit us for a week.  We weren’t too homesick for anything American, but we did miss our family.  Then something changed in our schedule that made us think it would be better to come home two weeks earlier than planned.  We decided to only let my parents in on it, and to surprise everyone else.  The day before we flew back to Pennsylvania was full of craziness.  Nadine had a special little blanket that she called “Dee Dee”.  For some odd reason, she decided to throw Dee Dee into the ocean.  I was holding Elijah on the deck, so I yelled for Matt to go get it!  I knew the next day of flying would be disastrous without it.  So, he jumped in, clothes and all, to fetch Dee Dee from the sea.  Since there were no dryers, we used a friend’s hair dryer to get it as dry as possible.  Nadine loves to hear the story of Dee Dee in the sea.


Tonight  I’m awed by the countless blessings God gave us, specifically during our short time in Roatan.  I never knew how much I needed that time.  After living a whirlwind two years of marriage, with two babies born during that time, and not living on our own for at least eight months, it was God’s perfect timing to give us some undivided family time to seek Him together.  As I look back, I’m reminded in a fresh way about how God just loves to bless us with details.  Like cake mixes and ovens and Dee Dee’s.

>You’re Moving??

>Yep.  It’s been a bittersweet story for us.  So much blessing, but a lot of mistakes as well.  In November we will have lived here 5 years… the longest place we’ve lived at one time, married!  In short, we really couldn’t afford our house from the beginning and made it work by putting other necessities (and non-necessities) on credit, so we could pay our mortgage.

The day we moved here, Matt bought a really nice truck… with payments attached.  Yes, he needed a truck for work, but as we found out a year later, God can provide with no strings attached!  He was gracious and when we knew we had to sell his truck to get rid of those horrible monthly payments, he was able to sell it for the exact price he bought it for the previous year.  Matthew paid cash for his current Toyota truck, no extended cab, complete with rusty spots and a constant ticking sound and really loud muffler.  It’s been going strong for three years now, almost at 200K miles.  Well, maybe strong isn’t the best word… but last week when it needed to be jumped numerous times in order to start, we were thankful that it only cost about $3 to fix it.  Oh, I could write a few chapters of funny stories about that truck…  let’s just say, it’s been going! =)

Anyway, back to the story.  It was about this time in our financial down-slide that we discovered a small group in our area doing a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class.  We hooked up with them, which led to us going to Gateway Church in Parkesburg.  This alone was worth everything we experienced, as it has been nothing but a blessing for our family: spiritually, emotionally, and financially!

Since taking this class, we have paid off close to $40,000 in consumer debt.  We can almost count on one hand now, how many more thousands to go, and are really really excited to be completely debt free.

One of the ways we kept sinking lower, was to put 50% of our take-home pay towards our mortgage.  This had to stop and we spent the last couple of years tweaking, but not successfully lowering our budget to fit the other 50%.  We worked with our mortgage company to see if we could refinance or do anything to help make it possible to keep the house.  The best they were able to do was make it so it was about 45% of our take-home pay.  This wouldn’t work either and we worked on actually paying our bills with cash and starting to chunk out our debt.  We tried to sell our house but it just didn’t sell.  Eventually, our mortgage went into default and we are now facing foreclosure if our house doesn’t sell.  Are we proud of this?  No.  It’s rather embarrassing, actually.  There’s nothing like making a bad choice which leads to awful consequences that everyone can see.  We’ve all done it.  It wasn’t easy for Matt to trade in his dream truck for something that is about as far from manly as you can get.  It isn’t easy to live like you can afford something until reality comes marching at your door and shows you otherwise.  We’re not proud of the decisions we made which got us to where we are.  But we are thankful for the chance to grow in wisdom and in closer dependence upon God.

The plain and simple reality is, we have so much to be thankful for.  We’ve gone through one of the top five things that cause divorce, and yet our love is even stronger for each other.  We’ve been humbled and forced to learn that contentment matters to God, not possessions.  I could go on and on about the lessons we’ve learned.  I could also go on and on about how God has provided for us.  While we’ve messed up, He’s forgiven and strengthened us for the task ahead.

While praying and seeking God’s will about where He wants us to move, I got really really discouraged.  I searched Craig’s list and came up with horrible dumps that fit our price range, or nice doable houses that fell way out of our price range.  Matthew has a favorite thing that he likes to tell me, “God hasn’t provided it yet, because it’s not needed yet.”  Time and again we are tested on that.  Well, school is starting up again and the Sheriff’s sale is quickly approaching.  Through friends at church we heard of a house in Coatesville for rent, so we checked it out.  After we looked through it I thought how perfect it would be.  I was expecting something out of our price range, and when the landlord told us how much I had a hard time not hugging him.  It was as if God was saying, “Go ahead and take it!  I saved this just for you.”

So, August 28th is our hopeful move-in date if everything gets finished that we need to do.  We are excited to move on to another chapter in our lives.  I will give more details of our move a little closer to the date.  But I’ve written enough and I have boxes to pack!