Nadine & I arrived home early this morning.  Our trip was amazing.  It was so special to be together!  Many people thought we were sisters, which I took as an extremely high compliment!  Our team was the best!  What a blessing to grow together and see God at work in so many ways.  It is going to take me quite awhile to process everything into words.  So for now I will just talk through some pictures.  The stories will flow when they’re ready.

Twenty-one years ago today, my family and I piled into a little Cessna airplane with everything our suitcase could fit, and flew into an unknown future.  What I thought was a quick trip to the neighboring country of Kenya, became a stepping stone to the final leg of our journey to the United States.  What I thought would be temporary, turned into permanent, and I never went back to my cherished and idyllic home of Nyankunde.  It has changed my life in  many ways.  I am thankful for my heritage, the obedience of my parents to move to Africa and raise their four children there, give me a childhood worth more than gold, and yes, even for the abrupt uprooting 21 years ago.  I have learned so much from these experiences.  More than a few sentences can say.  I am thankful for the memories of Nyankunde, and of how it shaped my life and my heart into who I am today.  

Our house at Nyankunde.  My bedroom was the far left, looking at the house.

My sister, Sherry, and I on our way to buy something from the little market.  I am sticking out my tongue because I very clearly remember that my mom told me to go put a skirt on before we left.  I am wearing shorts underneath my skirt.  I usually did.

The view from the front of our house.

The view from my bedroom window.  The hills which surrounded our station always thrilled me.

Today I’m thankful for silly outfits, spaghetti faces, our awesome bib from Italy, and the vintage highchair I found for $7.  I love the way Betty sits in it.

I am thankful for heat & electricity!  I’m thankful for a warm scarf to wrap around my neck, slippers that have lasted ten years, and food for another day.  I’m thankful for hot tea, and the sweet kindness of my husband who makes me hot drinks almost every day.  I’m thankful it’s Friday, and am leaning on God’s grace to be a voice of encouragement, positive influence, and love in my kids’ lives today.

Sometimes we feel pressure to look stronger than we really are.  This happens daily in the realm of motherhood, when questioning eyes ask things too deep to answer.  When accomplishing anything means getting out of bed first, this requires strength we often don’t feel.   We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  

On Saturday Matthew ran a Tough Mudder with his friend, Jon.  I watched as thousands of people willingly got doused in cold water, slodged through mud, and even ran through live wires.  It was an exciting day, full of energy and dirt.  Even though I was surrounded by myriads of people, a lonely feeling lurked around me all day long.  A stranger among throngs of friends.  Forged in the fire of human passion, choking on the fumes of selfish rage.  

Aside from seeing them once on the course, I totally missed them at every other obstacle.  My timing was off and so I spent the day taking pictures of strangers covered in mud.   My favorite part of the run was the second to last obstacle: a half pipe with people lined up at the top.  Muddy hands, eager to help, able to lift another muddy body onto the mountain.  The mud was everywhere.  It somehow unified everyone.  With these our hells and our heavens, so few inches apart, we must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are.

This year has not been easy.  I feel the weight and pressure of many changes going on in our life.  We are so incredibly blessed, and it’s difficult to even admit when I’m struggling.  I am often high on life, and come across as a strong athlete able to scale the walls alone.  Yet I’m just like you, covered in mud, needing your helping hands to pull me over this obstacle.  No we are not as strong as we think we are.

Ten years ago I was holding a six pound, three ounce baby girl.  Her mouth was like a little rose bud, and her arms and legs were so skinny.  She was a peanut!  Regular contractions had started at dinnertime the night before, around bowls of chicken noodle soup which my Peruvian friend told me would be sure to start labor.  She was right, and by the time we had walked home to our little shoe-box apartment I was in full-fledged labor.  When I arrived at the birth center at 2:30am, I was in hard labor.  Just that week we had heard some very difficult news about my home in Africa.  There had been an attack on the station where I was born and raised and a horrible massacre had then unfolded.  It gives me too many tears to write what transpired during that dark time.  You can read about it here.  There was a mass exodus of people who left Nyankunde and marched for nine days to safety.  The ray of hope that entered my mind as I labored with my firstborn, was the fact that along that arduous, horrendous march through rainforest, swamps, and rivers, some women in the group gave birth.  New life in the midst of death and horror.

As I labored in my plush bathtub, I felt united to these women, and empowered by their bravery.  It was a very real connection in my mind and heart.  At 4:44 am, Nadine Ruth was born.  Our life has never been the same.  Today we celebrate our little girl who is a half-inch from being as tall as me.  She has a huge, generous heart.  Always having been a night owl, she now puts that nocturnal ability to work and usually helps me clean up the kitchen after everyone is in bed.  She loves horses and animals.  She has a love for people and if she could, she would have company every single day.  We love her like crazy!

Yesterday we spent the day with our cousins at a friend’s pool.  It was better than candy.  Betty got into the squirt guns, Elsie is getting more brave and going under the water, and there was much tandem jumping.

Then, after diving into the pool, Elijah came up out of the water with an odd look on his face.  He quickly swam to the edge and kept exclaiming over and over about something, so I went to him and found something extraordinary.  His goggles had shattered in the water, and he came up with only a small scratch on his forehead.  The older kids were fishing minuscule shards of glass, or whatever they were made out of, from off the bottom of the pool for over an hour.  Their fingers were getting cut, confirming how sharp they were.  Yet Elijah’s precious eyes were kept safe.  I am in awe even now and praise God for His mercies.

The past few mornings we’ve been woken up by bulldozers and jack hammers doing some sort of work on our street.  It’s super loud, and when the road is opened again at the end of the end of the day, there is nothing like parallel parking with a bulldozer.

Our schoolbooks have arrived and they’re being contained in their boxes until Matthew finishes building our school shelves.  It’s been such a long time since he made custom shelves, and now Elijah is old enough to be a real help.  His hands are also only about a half a centimeter from being the same size as mine.  We measured today.  I will be posting before and after pictures of our schoolroom area once it’s complete.

This past week has been full of miracles!  It was an honor to be the doula for an amazing girl and to experience my first home birth.  It was beautiful.  Every time I experience another birth I am more solidly grounded in my desire and love to help women in labor.  I am deep into my homework towards keeping my certification up to date, and have been spending many late nights reading, writing, and studying.  Being there for the birth gave me just the perfect boost to keep on going!

We also went to a birthday party last week for my cousin’s baby.  It was fun!  I loved it when Matt’s brother, Jacob, came back from his boy scout camping trip and the little girls were all in awe of him.  Betty’s face is priceless.  She loves her Uncle Jake!

The girls all having matching dresses that Grandma made them.  I have yet to get a picture of all three of them together, but here is Betty with each of them!

With the noise of bulldozers in the background, it’s time to get started on my day!