adventure

Finishing With A Smile

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The weekend has come and gone.  Hours of preparation, driven into the pavement, mile by mile.  The weather this year was amazing.  I even had to wear a jacket through the night to ward off feeling chilly.

On Friday evening, we delivered the three youngest to my in-laws and picked up Matthew’s race packet.  He got checked out by the race doctors, and then we went home to rest.  I barely slept, full of excitement and wonder for the following two days.  On Saturday morning I drove to Philly to drop him off at the start line, with his cooler of food and drinks, and said good-bye.  Then I drove with a friend to drop Nadine off at girl’s camp for the week!    Elijah went with my mom where he then was driven to soccer camp on Sunday.  What a crazy, emotional day of saying goodbye!

By the time I finished dropping her off and made my way back to Philly, it was about 7:30 pm.  I drove the race loop where Matthew was running, in hopes of seeing him.  I found him around mile 3 of 8.  He was with his buddy from high-school.  What a blessing, since the previous few hours he had been struggling with some major stomach discomfort.  When he made it back to the start/finish line, he lay down on the ground and said he felt like throwing up.  His stomach was not happy.  At this point in time, a slew of friends and family had arrived, and we chatting around him, some praying, some just talking.  We waited it out for an hour or so before he finally sat up and ate something that agreed with him.

The next two loops were run with different friends.  I was able to pray and see the lights of Philadelphia in the middle of the night.   Then two girl friends of mine came to sit with me through the night.  I never felt alone, which had been one of my anxieties.  I didn’t realize how much this had been weighing on me until I sat there with them.  It was pretty special.  How important it is to be there for one another!

Once 4 am rolled around, my half-marathon buddy, Gail, and I fast-walked with Matthew through the dawn.  It was incredible starting off at night and ending in day.  We met a fellow lone ranger on the path who was pretty discouraged, and he started to keep pace with Matthew.  Once we finished that loop, it was already 6 am, and so Matthew started out for his 10th loop and then some, alone.  The total mileage he logged was 88.5.  His goals were to finish at 10am, have fun, finish with a smile, and be able to walk to the car unassisted.  He did all these things, and I couldn’t be more proud.

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1- Our last time all together for a week!
2- One last nap, storing up reserves
3,4- Getting all checked in for race day!
5- Lots of melon for the runner
6- When I first spotted Matthew, 9 hours into the race.  I beeped my horn like a crazy woman and cried a bit too.
7- A four-year tradition of sidewalk chalk
8- Servant-friends, helping Matthew through the hardest part of the night
9- An art museum steps walk/talk/prayer time
10- Hot tea, words of encouragement and lots of love
11- Almost there
12- Sleep for a long time
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He ended with a smile.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

Cleared To Run

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I’ve always loved to fly.  Something about the sound of an airplane being able to go where my finite body can not on its own, simply amazes me.  I remember the sound of an airplane coming back to our small station in the middle of Africa.  I remember the pilots calling out in French: attention! before starting the propeller for take-off.  I remember being in those Cessnas so many times, eagerly spying out Mount Nyankunde, which meant we were home.  My sister always had her head buried in her lap, or eyes closed, so I took in all the scenery for her, my stomach never feeling the queasy hers did.  Before each flight, the mechanics cleared the plane for flying.

This weekend is a big deal for Matthew.  His body has been cleared to run, and we are pumped up to take this 24 hour flight.  We, meaning, he is doing all the running, and I will be on the sidelines cheering him on big time.  When we think back to a year ago, we didn’t know his esophagus was closing up and the strange loss of his voice meant more trouble was brewing in the near future.  It was a really hot weekend, and whether it was truly canceled because of the heat or not, we look at it as a blessing from God.  We don’t know what would have happened out there, but I think God preserved his life.

About 95 percent of folks think what he is doing is pretty crazy.  They ask, why?  Reading through the first year of the race, here, I am revisited by goosebumps.  Is it safe?  This question makes Matthew laugh.  I don’t believe Matthew is stupid, but he also isn’t fearful.  Too often we let fear keep us from pushing harder.  If you asked him why he runs, his answer always is: I  feel closer to the Almighty God when I run.  Running strips him bare.  He spends a lot of time in prayer while he runs.  On the practical side of safety, his doctors have given him an excellent bill of health.  However, on the side of safety where most of us dwell… not wanting to be in pain, shying away from inconvenient, and letting fear of difficulty keep us from getting stronger… he is living on the edge.  Because it isn’t about safety, this life on earth.  It’s about trusting a really big God who isn’t always safe.  As C.S. Lewis penned: “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

There are three men we pray for daily, throughout the day.  One, Jerry, is a prisoner in Africa, and we are praying for him to be found, released and the darkness to fall.  One, Saed, is in a known jail, but illegally being tortured and willingly kept from his home country of the United States.  Another is a good friend of ours and he lives in an incredibly dark, hellish environment in one of the most unsafe regions of the world.  All three are running an eternal race with eternal significance.  We don’t know the end of their stories on earth yet.  We know what they are experiencing, both willingly and without choice, is bringing even greater glory to God.  When Matthew runs, he enters into the suffering of these men who are running too.  Maybe not with their feet, but certainly with their lives.  As Elsie keeps asking me about Jerry, she says, Mama?  Is he still running?  Yes, he is still running.  And with all of our breath, so we should be too.

We’ve been cleared to run.

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A Happy Time

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I don’t recall what we were about to do or where we were going to prompt Elsie to say it, but she made me chuckle with this:  I’m going to have a happy time, even if it’s boring!   Now that summer is in full swing, the words “I’m bored” are about as allowed as some other unmentionable words in the urban dictionary.  When they are uttered, a math lesson is swiftly pulled up on the computer, or perhaps the boredom quickly fades as they don a pair of goggles, pull out monopoly, shoot a home-made movie, or delve into the many library books I keep constantly in flow.  DSC_2041

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This week was so full I feel like I’m bursting a little bit.

Any week where we can be altogether for six days in a row is going to be good.  Unfortunately, every kid had a fever sprinkled into the entire week at some point in time.  Thankfully, no throwing up, but a lot of laying low.  Matthew finished my laundry room window, fixed this and that, hung this, moved that… basically filled up my love tank with acts of service mingled with quality time.  I worked on various projects: crocheting a rug out of old sheets, making some chalkboards, beautifying our front porch, and organizing our school room a bit more.
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Next, our dear friends, Ruthie & Jamie, arrived from Ohio to share our vacation time with us.  We enjoyed the front porch, got wet, went to a water/amusement park, and laughed a lot.  One night I even had the privilege of being a doula with an incredibly special couple and their precious baby girl.
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The kids found a turtle and named it Road Runner after they rescued it from trying to cross the street.
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While at the park, I learned how much Betty loves roller-coasters.  If she was a bit taller, she would have gone on everything, but she was content to do the roller coaster her size.  Her smiling face as she swooped down the hill of the coaster was absolutely priceless.  Falling from 148 feet with Jack and Nadine was also a highlight.  I’ve learned that I’m a bit more scared than I used to be of heights in general.  Phone Photos11
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Nadine came down for her breakfast today and was asking me how Matthew made her bagel.  Do you know how Daddy made that bagel yesterday?  Because it was amazing.  It was because there was a hint of Daddy in it.  I know he used butter…  When I asked her how it tasted after she made it, she said,  It wasn’t even close.  Sometimes she takes my breath away.DSC_2462-2 DSC_2460-2
One of my painting projects was a “new” dresser.  I got the dresser for $10 at a yard sale and surprised Nadine with it.

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As all the fevers floated around, I overheard this funny conversation between Elsie and Betty:
I have a headache, said Elsie.
Where? asked Betty.
Right here in my head! said Elsie with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

When Elsie struck up this conversation with Betty she was just stating a fact, which apparently was missing a very important detail in Betty’s little mind: You were sick, she stated.
No I wasn’t!
You you were!
I were last night!  Of course.  Last night.  She likes to be precise.

Betty is learning her numbers, and I couldn’t help chuckling when she got to twenty-nine and said: Two=dy nine!
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As June turns the page into July, there is more fun in store!  Summer is such a happy time!

Hippy At Last

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Yesterday two pretty momentous things happened.  First, it was Jack’s eighth birthday!  Everything about the day was exactly how it was eight years ago: the blue skies, spring flowers blooming everywhere, and excitement in the air.  Yesterday we also welcomed a new member into our family.  Please, meet Oceanus, named by the kids this morning.  Our bright blue happy van!  (Oceanus was the name of the baby who was born on the Mayflower when the Pilgrims came to America.  They like that story, plus the color reminds them of the ocean.)  We are so very thankful for this blessing from our Father above, who cares about every detail of our lives.  We are excited to make many memories and road-trips this summer, bouncing along in Oceanus.

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Nothing But Good Things

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This week Matthew turned 32, meaning I have known him for exactly half of his life.  This week there have also been three incredible blessings as far as his health is concerned.  About a week ago he called me in tears, because he could actually hear me over the phone with his bad ear.  We’ve been experimenting with rubbing essential oil behind his ears, and will continue to do so.  Last weekend, he was able to see all 3 (out of 4) ENT’s at Jefferson hospital in Philly.  The ear guy is pretty sure his constant infection will clear once his sinuses get under control.  The nose guy agreed, as long as the throat guy thought putting him under was no longer risky.  After scoping him, the throat guy saw improvement from last time in his subglottic region and agreed to doing surgery.  So, on the 28th he is scheduled for a thorough cleaning out of his sinuses, and another balloon dilation of his stenotic area.  Today, he saw his rheumatologist who oversees his blood-work results and is in charge of his treatment.  He told Matthew he saw “Nothing but good things”, for which my heart is leaping with joy!  After surgery, he will begin weaning himself off of prednisone.  This all-too-familiar road is marked with many promises of God’s presence and goodness along the way.  We praise Him for today and the ability to live and breath and have each other!  This was the best birthday present ever!

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This week the crocuses started to show their happy faces in the garden!  When we were outside, unbeknownst to me, Betty picked all of them into a purple bouquet.  She came running over to me with a HUGE grin on her face.  I was very tempted to scold her for picking the ONLY flowers in our garden.  God spoke to me in that moment, through her joy and smile, and told me I would crush her spirit if I corrected her in impatience or anger.  So I knelt down and met her joyous face with my own smile.  Gratitude for her love gift made it even sweeter.
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Amidst the sweet, there is also the crazy.  If a video had been rolling  of our dinner the other night it would have looked a little bit like this:

Jack was karate-chopping carrots intermittently with a knife and then his hand.  Next to him, sat Elsie, singing “Let it Go” at the top of her lungs.  I looked across at Nadine, making crazy faces while Elijah went on and on about how her hair looks in the morning.  In addition to his narration, he continued to blather nonsense about gaseous terrain on the planet Venus.  Not to be undone, Betty stood in the middle of it all, crying with her stuffed animal in hand, because she didn’t like what was being served for dinner.  Matthew and I looked at each other.

Sometimes this is how life rolls.  It’s rough, it’s silly, it’s beautiful.  Full of good things.

Thirteen Is Odd

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The times I feel odd happen frequently.  Maybe because I’m born on an odd-numbered day.   Sometimes I feel this way because of something I have: You have five children?  People say, as if having any number over four has basically become as astronomical as living on Mars.  Sometimes it’s because of something I do: You homeschool your kids?  I could never do that.  I’m never sure if that statement is supposed to make me feel better or worse than them.  It always makes me feel odd, though.  Sometimes I also feel it because of something I don’t do: You don’t wash your hair?  Ok, I admit, even I thought that was weird a few months ago.  But when one suffers relentlessly from dandruff, one will do almost anything, including the crazy, to be rid of those unwanted snowflakes which aren’t really snowflakes at all.  Plus they never melt.  Maybe I’ll do another post on that one a different day.

Lately, I’ve felt especially odd as I ran through the coldest, snowiest and sometimes most beautiful of days.  Eight weeks ago I wasn’t quite sure about running one mile.  Even the day before yesterday, I wasn’t quite sure about it:

"This is how I'm feeling about tomorrow," I wrote on Saturday.

“This is how I’m feeling about tomorrow,” I wrote on Saturday.

Yesterday, I set out to do 13, with about 10,000 other oddities in the Philly Love Run.  Finally, I’m not odd.  Everyone, a common goal.  Everybody screaming you on to finish.

Miles 1-5 were relatively smooth.
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By mile 6, the rain was pretty heavy.  My friend, Gail, and I ran together.  We would laugh at how the rain pooled up inside our jacket sleeves.  Whenever we straightened out our arms, rivers of water poured out like faucets.  I stopped avoiding puddles and my sneakers spoke a second language, sounding a lot like: squish, squelch, squish, squelch. DSC_1063-2 DSC_1066-2
Around mile 9 my legs felt a more like iron mixed with mush, and less like muscles and tendons.  I was so hungry at mile 10, that when someone handed me a Swedish Fish candy, it tasted like a ten-dollar dessert.  I savored the sugary calories stuck in my teeth for a few minutes.  At mile 11 we ducked under an overpass to stretch one last time.

We snapped our only mid-run photo under the overpass.

We snapped our only mid-run photo under the overpass.

The deluge had turned to drizzle, but the cold was starting to cramp different parts of my legs.  After a minute, we set off to whip those last miles into oblivion.  At mile 12, the welcome sight of Philadelphia’s Boathouse Row came into view.  As we approached mile 13, I had some emotional moments inside my head and heart.  This is what it’s like to finish, I thought.  It hurts.  It’s beautiful.  It’s thrilling.  It’s really, really hard.  For a few seconds I was given a quick glimmer of life’s finish line.  Like an instagram from Heaven.  We will look back and think:  That was so hard.  How did I get through it?  Wow, life was so amazing.  So difficult.  Beautiful.  Rewarding.  Painful.  So worth every second.
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Unlike our eternal finish line when we’re finally Home, the thrill of this finish line was quickly replaced with the need for warmth and sustenance.  We found our husbands, cheering under an umbrella.  Then we squelched through inches of mud to receive our reward: a cool medal and a bag of potato chips (among other snacks, but the chips stood out to me the most).  DSC_1083-2

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It was a grand memory.  I couldn’t have done it without the constant cheering of Matthew and Gail.  Many others encouraged me as well, and you know who you are.  And just like people ask you if you’re ever going to have more kids, the second after your baby pops into the world: YES, I’m going to keep running.  Is that odd?
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Going to Space & Down Here on Earth

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The past two weeks have been so full of life and surprises and furniture renewal.  Matthew bought me a new chair for my birthday.  As I sunk down into its beautiful grey comfort, I stared at my dresser.  Ugly couldn’t describe it fully.

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So, in typical head-long fashion, I set off to remedy this problem.  I’ve been stung by many a bee in my bonnet.  The finished product:DSC_0706
Five birds flying from the nest, represent our five kiddos, with Matthew and I sticking together for life.  The tree has our initials carved in it, reminiscent of the tree at our old house where I carved our initials, about four years before we were even married.
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Soon I will post pictures of how I didn’t stop at just the dresser, because once I saw how clean and new it looked, I thought the walls needed a face-lift as well.  This turned into a full-fledged makeover, which in turn led to another purging throughout the house.  Life multiplies in so many ways.

Our girls are growing up so quickly.
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Last weekend our family went rock-climbing.  The last time we went, those little feet belonging to the orange shoes were inside my belly!
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This time, they scaled the walls!
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A couple of weeks ago we had a medieval feast with some friends from school.  We are finishing up studying medieval times in history.  So we ate chicken and potatoes off of our trenchers, and drank sparkling grape juice out of our goblets.  Wooden bowls, no utensils (except spoons) and costumes made our feast super memorable.
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Other fun school activities included going to the Franklin Institute last week.  Our friend did a great job demonstrating an astronaut’s suit on a budget:
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Elsie was chosen to shoot off a bottle rocket.  Her little self was so cute up there on the stage.
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We had an amazing surprise that afternoon after our field trip.  More on that later.  Someone needs yogurt.  “Seriously, Mom,” she says to me.  (She’s three.)  “Just a little bit?”

End of February Highlights

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There is no such thing as an empty week in this household.  Snow forts, lots of books, and fun with friends were just some of the highlights.
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The girls are often dressing up… here are a few shots of Elsie twirling.  Her dream is to take ballet soon.
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The ice-caked trees never cease to amaze me with their beauty.  Entombed in glass, one day soon they will come back to life.
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Betty loves to help shovel snow.  Trouble is, there are no shovels her size.  My garden trowel is a good substitute for now.
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Jack had a small run-in with a shovel one night.
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School sometimes includes looking through the dictionary.  It’s not hard to believe how funny they found the word “underpants”.
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This week we also began nature journals.  I love how most of them spoke of spring, while drawing snowflakes.
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Betty enjoys playing the little games I find online.
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The highlight of my week happened on Monday when my dear sweet friend, Sarah (who lives in England), showed up at my front door.  She and I spent a few hours together in the city.   We’ve known each other for over half of our lives.  It’s a beautiful thing when entire continents and years can’t stop friendship from growing.
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Thoughts From Mt Everest

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We have windows facing the north, east, and south of our house.  Every morning for about five minutes, I get to see part of the sunshine as it creeps up past our neighbor’s brick wall and sneaks into my window before it rises higher, becoming indirect light for the rest of the day.  There is another small slice of time when it shines full force into the laundry room downstairs and bathroom upstairs.  During those times, if I’m able, I practically paste myself to the glass pane while it shines its bright happiness on my white and wintry face.  Growing up with access to full sunshine every day it didn’t rain, makes its absence more intense some days.  Yesterday, I even climbed the Himalayas for it.
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Ok, so it wasn’t the actual Himalayas.  It happened to be this ginormous seven-foot snow-pile in our front yard, with a tiny corner of sunshine right at the top calling my name.  For a few minutes I disappeared into a world dripping with vitamin D and vast expanses.

My fellow arctic sojourner.

My fellow arctic sojourner.

 

 

Practically the North Pole.

Practically the North Pole.

Then Betty started crying because she couldn’t get up from the deep snow where she had fallen.

Yesterday was Valentine’s day.  We generally don’t make a huge fuss about it.  If it truly is commemorating an amazing man who was martyred because of his faith in Christ, and who helped to secretly marry Christians who were being persecuted for their faith, because he believed so strongly in the institution of marriage before God, then I think we’ve cheapened it immensely.  Passing out messily-written notes out of obligation isn’t exactly how I imagine we should memorialize love.  Not to say I dislike Valentines Day, or I didn’t immensely enjoy seeing so many fun and creative ideas floating around yesterday.  I mostly dislike the mandatory feeling placed upon so many, when love should never be forced.  We have fallen prey to this just as much as anyone else.  I MADE my children create valentines for their classmates.  It was an assignment, though, not a freewill offering on their part.  There is something beautiful about love given when you don’t ask for it, and love received when you know it wasn’t coerced.

When Matthew was on his way home from work, I asked him to stop at the store for a couple of items we needed for supper that night.  I ended with, “Don’t buy me flowers!”  He replied, “I wasn’t going to!”  Then we both laughed.  That’s how we work.  Don’t buy me flowers when they’ll be jacked up in price to more than is ethically possible.  Don’t buy me flowers out of obligation because every other guy is doing it.  Buy me flowers (better yet, pick them for me when they’re free and fresh from the garden!) when I least expect it and because YOUR heart told you to do so, not some looming expectation from society is practically forcing it upon you.

Giving out of guilt is one of my biggest pet peeves.  It was one of Paul’s too, in the Bible.  This is in the context of money, not valentines:
Each of you must make up your own mind about how much to give. But don’t feel sorry that you must give and don’t feel that you are forced to give. God loves people who love to give.
(2 Corinthians 9:7)  God loves a cheerful giver: one whose heart is in the giving.

We can not force people to give.  Actually, sadly, we can, but we most certainly can not make people’s hearts love to give.  Nothing feels less loving than conditional love.  Nothing feels less generous than compulsory giving.  Nothing produces less blessing than forced and guilt-driven gifts.  This goes way beyond Valentines day.  The joy of giving is actually stolen when it becomes no longer voluntary but because someone is begging for it.  Don’t steal my joy or reward by forcing upon me a dollar amount, a percentage, or a suggested amount.  Giving should not be packaged like a vitamin, with its Recommended Daily Allowance to go along with it.  It is incredibly personal and no one’s business.

The only consistent amount of money, time or services we are instructed to give can be summed up in a few words.  Give secretly.  Give willingly.  Give until it hurts.  Give your best.  Give your all.

As I look outside, it appears as if a few more inches are being added to our Mount Everest.  We may have a few more climbs before the weekend is over.