Since it’s almost been a month since we went down to North Carolina, I thought it was high time to get my pictures together from our trip. Oceanus did well driving down there. We missed one exit, which gave us an extra long and lovely drive. We even touched into Tennessee, which was unexpected.
A few of the highlights of our time with my brother and his family was of course seeing them, and also touring the airport where he works and serves missionary candidates. The ministry he helped to found is called Compass Aviation, and its goal is to give training and experience to pilots and mechanics who are wanting to serve on the foreign mission field. Please, check out their website to learn more and pray about how God can use YOU to get planes flying and pilots and mechanics to their destination. Here is my amazing brother:
It was an honor to hang out with my super-cool nephew (who is also a pilot and mechanic). I watched this young man grow from babyhood on up, and I am thrilled to see him going on strong for the Lord.
One evening, we all headed to the airport for some plane rides. Betty had never been, and was the most excited to fly.
John let Elijah talk over the radio and even let him fly for a bit:
Funny story: when I was in the plane with Elijah & Betty, my brother did a CRAZY swoop during take-off which made all of us scream SO loudly. It was fabulous. Betty loved every second, the thrill-seeker that she is.
She loved it so much, in fact, that this is what she did for most of the time she wasn’t in the airplane:
The evening was filled with beauty and joy and an immense amount of fun.
On Saturday, we celebrated Aaron’s graduation from High School. It was one of the most blessing-filled ceremonies I have ever attended. My brother and sister-in-law homeschooled him, and did a fine job indeed. Our whole family was very inspired.
So proud of you, Aaron! “You are now cleared for take-off!”
It was hard to drive away from our Southern family, but our memories with them are incredibly sweet. I am beyond words of thankfulness for the blessing of our family and all its extensions. At a rest stop on the way home, we stopped to stretch.
Excited to see where these kids will fly in life.
blessing
I Just Want A Yes
One thing which bothers me is when one of my children asks me for a snack as I’m cooking dinner. About a week ago, my littlest was doing just that. As I looked at her and firmly told her, “No,” she sat down on the floor, tucked her head in between her knees and cried dramatically: “But I just want a yes!” The outburst stopped me in my tracks. It almost felt like her words were being interpreted from my own heart’s silent prayer to my Heavenly Father. I just want a yes.
This week was a rough one for me. That same particular little girl started having a fever and alarmingly swollen lymph nodes, warranting a doctor’s visit and a round of blood-work. 
Thankfully, the blood-work came back normal, but the next day she developed a scary-looking rash on her forehead/scalp area. To make a long story short, 3 doctor visits later and an incredibly high temp of 105 at one point… she was diagnosed with Lyme’s disease. Lyme’s is a tick borne disease and nothing to take lightly.
This was the point where I began to ask others to pray for us. It was going on five days of constant fever, and Thursday night she was unable to walk up the stairs or move her leg from standing to sitting. She hadn’t really complained yet, despite how wretched she felt, so when she started to cry about her leg hurting so badly, I knew she was in a lot of pain. God promises us tremendous power is made available through a good man’s earnest prayer. (James 5:16) I just wanted a yes, but realized God wouldn’t change in any way if He said no.
We went to bed Thursday night, the only difference being we were completely surrounded by the prayers of so many. It was like a thick blanket or wall, surrounding her on all sides throughout the entire night. It was palpable. On Friday morning, I woke up to a sweet, smiling face in my bed. She had climbed up without any pain or problem and said, “Look at my ear!” (which is where the rash had started). It was completely normal, and there was no rash anywhere. Her fever was gone completely. She was smiling. I’m so thankful He said, “Yes!”
The night before, I had told the Lord again that she was His. I am convinced of God’s goodness and faithfulness not because of what He will or will not do in my life, but because of Who He is. We can not sit on the floor and scream: I just want a yes! If we interpret what He does based on what we think is good, or what we think He should do, we misinterpret His character. Our definition of good is limited by time and space and is tainted by our own selfishness. We can’t see the big picture. Just because I told Betty “no” to having a snack, didn’t equate me as a bad mom. In fact, I said no because there was something even better just ahead if she would just trust me and wait for it. God always acts in accordance with His character and not just according to what we think is good. Having Him take one of my children is something so difficult that I can not even begin to imagine or even dwell on it for one second because of the ache it produces in my heart. However, I was swiftly reminded this week that everything God has given to us can be taken in an instant. Yet, no matter what, God does not change in His goodness, His faithfulness, or His nearness.
Jesus said in John 14:27- I leave behind with you- peace; I give you my own peace and my gift is nothing like the peace of this world. You must not be distressed and you must not be daunted. This verse popped up twice on Thursday. Once, on a crumpled piece of paper that survived an entire heavy duty whirl in the washing machine. (When does paper ever survive a wash?) God knew I needed to hear from Him and be reminded that circumstances don’t change His gift of peace.
The scariness of the situation didn’t shift the truth of God’s nearness. I also read this reminder: Never forget the nearness of your Lord...He is right here with me. Don’t worry over anything whatever. Whenever you pray, tell God every detail of your reeds in thankful prayer, and the peace of God…that peace He knew we so desperately needed, so He left it with us when He went back to Heaven… Which surpasses human understanding… if you’ve experienced it, you know it… Will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. This peace doesn’t come and go, but is like a sentry over our hearts and minds: keeping worry out and keeping peace in, so we can rest.
2 Months, 1 Amazing Guy, 5 Kids, 1 Rabbit, and 22 Bobby-pins
We stood on the edge of the woods, arms around each other and Nadine started to quietly sing: “Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah, hey, hey, hey, good-bye.” Matthew and I hugged her close and sang along, our mournful song stretching past the trees and into the May evening with respect and emotion. A pile of stones marks his grave, as this week we said goodbye to our first pet. Toby was Nadine’s rabbit, and she loved and trained him well. I will miss watching her train him on the front porch and take him for walks around the block on his little leash. The words sharpie-d onto his grave-stone say it all:
On a happier note, our school-year is done. We are schooling all year, which basically means we are taking a short break before starting again! This allows for longer breaks during Christmas-time and the dreaded February blues. Today I have an incredibly special place to school-plan. While Matthew works on a side job, this is my view:
I do not take this for granted and have spent most of my morning in awe of the fact that there is no one needing me. In fact, I even managed to go to the bathroom without anyone yelling, “MOM!” Because as every mother knows, the time when every child all of a sudden urgently needs them, is the moment the bathroom door closes.
In the past few months of non-writing, there are mounds of funnies jotted into my phone’s notebook, along with lots of pictures. Our spring has been full of gardening, school, organizing, and purging. Recently, we’ve been going room-by-room throughout the house and deep-cleaning every nook and cranny. This is useful for two things: to get rid of what is not needed, and to find lost things. I don’t know about you, but there are a few items in our home which notoriously get lost throughout the year: bobby-pins, scissors, pencils, pens, hair-ties, hair-brushes, and socks. There is a small list of things of more value and meaning which have also gone missing, and this was another reason for the deep-cleaning. Unfortunately, those things still haven’t been found, but we do have a FULL jar of pencils, pens, and scissors again. As well as this nice array of 22 bobby-pins confiscated from one room alone:
My heart is so full of thankfulness for the five amazing gifts God has given to us. They bless our lives more than words or pictures can express. But I will try to express it anyway.
Nadine has such a huge heart. This was shown so clearly this week when she lost Toby. How she carried him bravely from the accident and stayed with him and didn’t shy away from showing her grief. She has been babysitting and absolutely loves kids. Her passion for horses has not been abated, and she loves to spend her free time writing letters to her amazing friends. She is keeping alive the art of creating home-made envelopes and giving the post office lots of service! She holds the highest record on “bop-it”, which is like a concentration game: 250. I think my record is 21. She sang her first solo and did a beautiful job at their end-of-school play. She is a strong girl, and loves to arm wrestle. I love how she cleans up the kitchen at night for me, when I’m feeling like toast. Her energy is exactly what I need sometimes.
Elijah is growing up, like boys do. Our recent trip to the Franklin Institute to see the “Art of the Brick” Lego display was pretty epic. He and Jack have been building all sorts of things in their spare time, making guns that shoot legos, and vending machines that actually work. It is beyond me. He is often my side-kick in the kitchen. He recently made some chicken curry that was pretty bombdiggity. He did a great job a couple weeks ago, helping Matthew at our church to teach a lesson about lying. He has a gift for music and I absolutely love listening to him jam on the guitar. It is his new passion, and he brings us great joy to hear him play and sing.
Jack finished up his year of wrestling, turned 9, and all sorts of other momentous things in April. At the kids’ end-of-the-year school celebration with their co-op, they performed a musical called, “Rats”. Jack was one of the rats, and I learned something I never knew about him before: that boy can act! He was not afraid on the stage, and he actually hammed it up quite a bit. He is fearless on his bike, which is sometimes not a good thing. He loves to hold hands, and can give the best shoulder massages. When I think of Jack, I think of a strong, tame, hug-gable tiger.
Elsie is a fearless, yet at times, shy girl. She has the most beautiful singing voice, and the ability to pick up songs on the piano naturally. She did a great job at the end-of-the-year play as well. When she has two wheels under her, she becomes very bold. The other day our family went to the skate park together and she was the only girl in the entire park, fearlessly rollerblading between some crazy fast boys on jumps. She prefers to be outside, and has the best imagination. Her end-of-the-year science experiment with flowers and colored water worked out well, and it was fun watch the flowers turn into different colors. She turned 7, got glasses, and seemed to grow up all in a matter of months.
Betty, who is four (which really means “I’m almost five”), tops our charts with hilarity. She adores school, her yellow crocs, and being a part of everything. Like when the kids were all playing “Truth or Dare” in the car. She piped up: “Truth or dare? Truth is, I dare you to jump out of the window!” Elijah calmly answered, “Betty, I’m not going to jump out the window.” She probably crossed her eyes, which is something she does a lot of right now when she’s annoyed. She recently learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, had her first three-legged race, and a host of other firsts that come with being under the age of five. She tells stories which go on for many minutes. The most recent one she told started off like this: “Long ago, when I was three…” She loves “noodle” cookies (snickerdoodles) and “reading”. When we were gardening last week she exclaimed, “There’s a lot of bees in this village!” I must have said, “Sweetheart” to her at some point because she looked at me with a dead-pan face (as she always looks when she says things that crack us up) and said, “Sweetheart?! Why do you always call me sweetheart?” I was so taken aback, I wasn’t sure how to respond! 
Another highlight of our spring was saying hello again to my parents who recently just arrived back from Africa. It was fun house-sitting for them, but much more fun having them back again. You can read all about their trip here.
Meeting our international travelers at the airport. I love hellos!
Matthew has been doing pretty well. I don’t think I could be more thankful for him than I am right now, although I know tomorrow it will be more, because that’s how love is. It grows with time. And though we’re not old, we’re older than we were, and I have time on my side to say without a doubt: It just gets better.
Halfway To Seventy
Every time March rolls around, I get very excited. I love birthdays and am not afraid of them. I am now officially halfway to seventy:
Today we got a foot of snow for my birthday. It was PILES of fun, and I’m thankful Matthew was able to work from home! This week was full of surprises. It began with an early birthday cake, made especially by our cousin, who owns The Master’s Baker. Seeing as though we didn’t even have a wedding cake, this was my first experience at receiving a professional custom-made cake. Isn’t it gorgeous?
Since winter is here and all, we decided we would take it by the hand and have fun with it. My next surprise was a night away with everyone at Bear Creek mountain resort, for our very first family skiing adventure! 
The last time I went skiing was on my 19th birthday. My best friend, Rebecca, was giving me clues on what to do to prepare for this epic surprise she had planned with my sister. She told me things like, “Make sure you shave your legs,” and “Dress nice!” When my birthday rolled around, they blindfolded me and brought me downstairs to the kitchen where I was met by Matthew, his brother, and Rebecca’s brothers. Matthew handed me my “treasure map” to the surprise: a map of the ski place we would be going to that day! I laughed and said, “Good thing I shaved my legs!” before running back upstairs to change. It was a great memory. That may have been the time I kept skiing backwards and couldn’t figure out how to turn myself back around, which only came in handy when I wanted to wave at people as I passed them. It also may have been the time I accidentally went down a black diamond, without knowing how to slow down at all. I do remember flying past Matthew, and truly hoping I would make it down to the bottom in one piece.
Funny how time telescopes when you find yourself in the exact place you have been in the past. I wasn’t skiing backwards or even down a black diamond. Yet all of a sudden I felt the same freedom mingled with danger, and I was 19 again. Except when I fell. Then the nostalgia went poof like the snow in which I landed, and I was definitely thirty-five. And I definitely had five people I had birthed from my body, sharing the ever-expanding niches of my heart. I don’t remember what it is like to be completely separate from those feelings of mother-love. To do anything apart from my mind, body and soul being so deeply connected with another human being. I would rather be halfway to seventy and not remember what it’s like to be independent of those feelings, than be nineteen and have no idea what I’m missing. And as exhausting as motherhood can be, it’s even more exhilarating than that.
My breath caught more times than just when the wind whipped my face. As I skied next to Elsie while she zipped to the bottom of a hill, red cheeks, one strand of hair constantly falling out of her hat and helmet, I smiled at her bravery. She went from being scared to death to go down the hill, to falling, to dusting herself off and saying, “Let’s do it again!” It caught when I saw Nadine gracefully maneuvering the snowy hills, her tall self looking so beautiful. She was so helpful with Betty, both on the slopes and the night before, when we had supper together.
She’s a wonderful big sister. So is Elsie, who is also not afraid to perform interpretive dance in the middle of a restaurant in pj’s and socks.
I laughed at Elijah, my crazy, creative boy, who thought to video himself while he skied and then simultaneously wiped out at the bottom.
I found it hard to breath as I watched Jack plow recklessly and fearlessly down hills and over jumps, creating a puff of snow when he fell.
He wore his t-shirt around his face for most of the day.
I found it especially hard to believe my baby bear is growing up enough to have a ski day of her own. She absolutely loved it when Matthew held her waist all the way down the hill. I almost cried when her little voice called down to me from the ski lift and she waved her little mitten hand and went higher and farther away from me. When her daddy was not able to ski with her, this is what she thought about the whole idea:
Yes, this is her “I’m-happy-and-I-know-it-but-just-not-about-skiing” face.
Our day ended abruptly when I got a call on my phone, just as I had sat down in the lodge with Nadine and Betty and a hot cup of tea. It was Matthew, and he said Elsie had fallen getting off the ski lift and he wasn’t sure if her arm was broken. My throat had a lump in it when I saw the snowmobile with a red cross on it make its way to the ski patrol, a tiny bundle on its sled. I told Nadine to pray and then ran over to meet Matthew. This darling little thing was getting checked out, and we still weren’t sure about her condition. After a lollipop, an ice-cream bar, and many attempts by the sweet ski patrol medics to get her to smile, Matthew got the rest of the crew packed up and we left. I experienced one of the most frightening and harrowing drives through ice and sleet and snow, but made it to the hospital near our house. Long, happy story short: her arm is not broken! We are so grateful to God.
When Matthew and I collapsed into bed, he sighed, “That was the best day ever.”
I would have to agree. And this time, I didn’t even have to shave my legs.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (In A Nutshell)
The past month has been epic. I forgot my camera for the first big event, but snagged a few of my sisters’ photos. My brother-in-law planned a fabulous surprise birthday for my oldest sister. The day before, my brother hatched a plan to fly up here for a couple of hours to surprise her. It worked. I picked him, my nephew, and niece up from the local airport an hour before the party started. I felt like a little girl, back in the middle of Africa, waiting for him and my sister to fly home from boarding school. My other sister and I would listen for the sound of the small Cessna flying in from where they went to school. First a distant hum, then louder until we could see the plane circling over our station. This was slightly different, since he was the actual pilot this time, and his son was texting me from the airplane. But those distant memories were stirred from the corners of my brain, and I actually jumped up and down and screamed just like I did when I was Betty’s age. From our house, I heard the airplane and saw it coming in for landing. We raced to the van to drive the mile to the airport to pick them up and head over to the surprise party.
Here we are, youngest to oldest. It was such a treat to be together, even if it was only for a couple of hours.
My nephews, the oldest and youngest of my parent’s 18 grand-kids, spanning 18 years apart. So precious.
A few weeks ago, the kids and I took a secret drive to Valley Forge for a Christmas photo shoot. I was excited at the forecast of snow flurries that day, and was imagining their white little selves falling on our noses and eyelashes in picture perfect clarity. What really happened was a lot of this:
Also a lot of shivering and red noses. 
Eventually we came up with a winner, where everyone was looking, no one was doing peace signs behind anyone’s back, no one was saying, “I’m freezing!” and no one was sticking out their tongue.
Although, they’re all pretty fun. We did one more shoot outside because the flurries were starting. Everyone sat down and this happened:
But then this happened, which is pretty sweet. 
Oh, and the flurries stopped once they sat down. Go figure. 
This month there has been a lot of this as well:
The Sunday before Christmas there was another attempted photo shoot of the kids. This one turned out great.
The rest pretty much followed this pattern: 
Christmas Eve was spent at the Weldon’s house with family. After many attempts at getting a picture with Matthew, 99% of them being blurry, like this: 
One finally turned out crisp and clear.
Our yearly tradition of Santa coming to town was a success. All of our kids know it’s really Uncle Jon, but they still play along for the most part.
Christmas was a lovely day here at home. We didn’t have to be anywhere and spent the day at home by ourselves for the first time ever. We had monkey bread for breakfast, but I pretty much left my camera on the shelf for the rest of the day. 
I have some treasured memories of squeals and hugs by appreciative hearts. It was a beautiful day. That evening for supper Matthew’s parents, sister and brother, and my parents came for dinner. 
We enjoyed a fun evening together and the Weldons spent the night.
The next day we went rock climbing. This girl right here is a natural. The boots. The green tights. The pony-tail. I couldn’t stop smiling.
All the girls were smoking it to the top over and over. 
The next day was interesting. We went to Jack’s wrestling tournament. We had expectations of hanging out together for a few hours in the afternoon, cheering him on, then getting home in plenty of time for supper. We can laugh now, but we weren’t laughing then. I had thoughts like this going through my head: “It won’t be long,” he said. “It’ll be fun,” he said. Looking back, it was fun. The kids brought their walkie-talkies, and were able to get lots of fresh air, running around outside and testing them out while we waited for 130 matches until Jack’s first match. The worst part of the day was right before Jack went onto the mat for the last time. I glanced around and couldn’t see Betty anywhere. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach as I looked all around the people-filled gym. We had just walked from another mat to this one, and somewhere along the way, Betty got lost in the shuffle. Jack was up to wrestle. I didn’t want to panic in front of him and mess up his concentration. I grabbed one of the walkie-talkies while Elijah and Nadine grabbed two more and we set off to find her. All in all, it was about five minutes total before I walked down the hallway and saw her huddled behind the door to the gym. She had her little stuffed puppy and was crying. I scooped her up, emotions spilling out of every pore. Jack was wrestling by then, and I just held her and we cried happy tears while we yelled encouragements to Jack. My entire body was shaking. I praise the Lord for watching over Betty. We figured that as we walked to the mat and stopped, she must have kept walking until she got to the hall and didn’t see us anymore. I told her what a good girl she was to stop and wait for me to find her. It was a long day that started and ended about three hours later than we expected. Jack won his matches and got a first place trophy. His eyes said it all:
After getting to bed close to midnight, our plans for the next day somewhat unraveled. We were supposed to leave at ten o’clock in the morning. Around ten thirty, the last of our five sleepy heads stumbled downstairs from their cozy bed. Pancakes started. Someone else desperately needed a shower, especially since they couldn’t remember the last time they did so. At last, everyone was fed, so I headed upstairs for my own shower. On the way, I met a special six-year old girl who was staring at herself in the mirror and said to me in a puzzled voice: “It’s like someone cut my hair!” as she fiddled with her brown silky mop. I was about to just say, “Uh-huh”, but something stopped me in my tracks. “Elsie, why is your hair so short? Did you cut your hair?” Her eyes showed a slight mixture of fear and debate about her answer. The truth won out, and she told me she was just curious about how it would feel to cut it off. I think she found out pretty quickly. So, my shower was delayed for a bit longer while I opened up the hair salon in the bathroom. By noon we were ready to leave, but we didn’t actually leave until one-thirty. And THAT is how we roll some mornings in our house.
We arrived at Matt’s brother’s house a couple of hours late, but enjoyed time together and another visit from Santa. Here’s Elsie with her new haircut:
If I could summarize the entire month of December into one photo collage, it would look like this:
Joyous New Year!
Don’t Forget To Wash Your Hands
December started out with a bang, as I supported an amazingly strong woman through over forty hours of labor. My friend and fellow doula, Sarah, came to spell me for a few hours the last night of November. Then on the evening of December first, another baby girl came into the world. It was an honor to witness such strength and endurance as that mama displayed. I am constantly reminded of the incredible stamina and tenacity we as humans possess.
After that sleepless weekend, we were presented with “the bug”, as my children so fondly have named it. It really began Thanksgiving night with Betty getting sick outside, just as we arrived home from a wonderful day with my family. The bug slowly made its way through all but two of us: Jack & myself. So, after a few days of birth jet-lag and a few days of sickness, we made it to this week, where we have had to reel ourselves back into school again. Our attempts have felt somewhat like crash-landings a few days this week. There’s nothing gentle about reality.
Yesterday we had an adventurous trip to Trader Joe’s, where I was meeting Matthew’s mom who was going to take the kids for the afternoon. Upon arriving, Elsie had to go to the bathroom, so we all trudged into the store. After about five minutes of waiting, it was evident we were going to be there for awhile. So I sent Nadine with the others to look for the stuffed hedgehog and claim the prized lollipop that comes from finding said hedgehog hidden somewhere in the store. Five minutes later they returned, all sucking lollipops, and we hung out to wait for Elsie some more. Others joined the small area, waiting for the bathroom to be free. Then Betty, who really has no filter, put her face to the door and yelled: “Don’t forget to wash your hands after diarrhea!” I quickly tried to shush her, while holding back laughter. Of course Elsie yelled from the recesses of the bathroom: “What?!” So Betty quickly repeated her reminder in the same volume. I just about lost it, standing about ten feet from the eggs and milk section of the store, where busy shoppers were probably only wanting to think about food. I never did make eye contact with the man waiting near us.
Tonight the girls were playing their most recent game of “Holly & Annie”. Usually it begins with them meeting eachother after a long absence, and both of them determining how old the other is.
“Holly!” begins Betty.
“Annie!” Elsie replies, and they hug.
“I’m seven years old!” says Betty. (Elsie whispers: Seventeen) “Seventy!” Betty corrects herself. (No, no! Seventeen, Elsie whispers again.) “Seventeen!”
“Wow! I’m eighteen!” gasps Elsie.
“Wow! I’m almost bigger than you!” exclaims Betty, and so on it goes until they go to Hawaii or some such place. It usually is Hawaii, actually.
Recently, an incredibly sweet young lady approached me with the offer of a lifetime: to come be at our home every week for a few hours to do whatever I need her to do. That right there is an offer money can’t buy. We look forward to our weekly visits from her. Often she helps with school, or sometimes she is just another ear for this tired out mama to talk to and I know my words find acceptance and not judgement. If ever there was opportunity for her to judge, it was last week. She was supposed to come Thursday at 9AM. I woke up at 9:05. Every morning, I always lay in bed to try and remember what day of the week it is, where I need to go, who is coming here, etc. I got to that last thought and sprung out of bed to look out the window. Yep, her car was there. I stumbled downstairs to find one of the kids had woken up before me and welcomed her inside. She looked at me and laughed. This here is what we call: real life. Every day I don’t have it all together. Every day I miss stuff, mess up, fall down, or give in to the pressure of life. It’s important to be vulnerable about one’s humanness. I do not wake up gracefully. It was both humbling and hilarious to welcome a guest into my home with a sleepy voice and crusty eyes. Whatever came out of my mouth, every word was really saying, “I forgot you were coming. Forgive me while I go make some tea and clean up the supper dishes I was going to wash before you got here this morning.” Yes, this real life stuff is just that: real. Not fake or put together.
The same person who saw me in my pajamas and morning hair also offered to help me clean and rearrange my room today. I say this to encourage some of you who may be on one side or the other of this coin of life. If you have time on your side, find a mama who looks tired and worn out, and offer a chunk of time to her out of love and not self-gain. The rewards will be eternal, I guarantee you. If you are a mama and someone offers to help you, take them up on the offer! Nothing baffles me more than when we as women shrug off the need for help because we’re too proud to accept it, we’re too embarrassed to air our dirty homes, or we’re too busy to slow down and let someone into our life. I was embarrassed to my core when she saw every single thing that was under my bed. At the same time, I felt a freedom in letting go of my facade that I’m all put together. Just like you, my clothes, my house, my dishes and my hair all get dirty. If you didn’t know it, now you do. It’s a constant battle, to admit my humanness and my imperfections. I’d much rather have an instagram life, but just as quickly as you glance at that perfect picture, reality smudges the lens again.
All these imperfections make me long for more. Thanks be to God, there is more! There will be a day, where there will be no more sickness, no more pain, no more mess-ups, and no more tears. Excellence and beauty will never be tarnished by sin again. Home will be perfect and complete because Jesus is there. If you know Him personally, one day perfection will be your reality too. Until then, let’s love eachother through the bad breath, messy hair, and clutter. And let’s not forget to wash our hands after diarrhea.
So thankful for these five.
Flare-Ups, Squeaky Brakes, and Thankful Hearts
Fall is doing its steady march toward winter, and Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I know time does not in actuality move any faster each year, but the feeling of it moving extra swiftly is real.
The past month has been full of life. I’ve been staying up late at night, finishing projects that require silence, as silence is hard to come by around here before 10pm. So naturally I’ve been sleeping in a bit later as well. Yesterday, Betty came to snuggle with me. She convinced me it was time to get up, because, “Look! The sunshine is awake!” She has been full of so many funnies, I don’t even write half of them down. Yesterday there was a spider crawling on the ground. Not a normal sight in our house, and she was more freaked out than I thought she would be. After awhile of being on the couch, she starting dancing up and down and said how she had to go potty. She didn’t want to leave the couch because of the spider (which was long gone by now). She even tried to talk herself out of being scared. “Spiders don’t live in houses. They live on spider webs.” It didn’t work. “I’m scared of spiders. I don’t know where to go.” Elsie had the perfect solution: walk on the floor all around the carpet, and don’t touch the carpet where the spider was last seen. Problem solved. Their cute little feet tip-toed all around the carpet and walked to the bathroom. She also loves to sing. Sometimes she pulls out my guitar and sings all about Jesus. At the particular moment one of these was taken, she was singing a song about Jesus and rock-climbing on a mountain. 
We were looking at pictures yesterday, and Betty kept thinking photos of Elsie were of her. We determined it was their hair that seemed so similar. She looked at Elsie, stroked her hair and said, “I know. Now your hair is growed up!” I’m not the only one amazed at how time is passing.
This weekend we went to see some friends in a ballet of Snow White. I took the girls, and it was absolutely hilarious sitting next to Betty. She followed the story really well, but her ongoing commentary was a hoot. At one point, she was watching one ballerina, who was supposed to be a bird, doing some flying leaps in the air. She whispered loud enough for everyone around us to hear and chuckle, “How does she do that?! You know, mommy, birds can’t dance. They fly.”
Elsie is an avid reader. Her favorite place to read is the top of the stairs, after everyone has gone to bed. We can hear her voice, drifting down the stairs, and it usually gets louder the longer she reads. She is keeping track of how many hours she reads, and I believe it is up to fourteen hours. She certainly keeps us on our toes. She is my faithful companion when it comes to running errands or tidying the house. She has been reading a book about astronomy, which led us to a discussion about how the earth is floating, and she said in an awed voice, “God is just doing His powers right now!” 
Jack is wrestling again. A few weekends ago, Matthew took the boys to a wrestling tournament and Jack got third place. Elijah wrestled as well and got fifth place. Jack has decided to stick with it for the rest of the season, and it’s fun to watch him. He is also becoming more of a reader. He even brought his book to the grocery store last week, and was seen reading in the cart. This was a first. Jack takes up a lot of energy, but his heart is solid. 
The blur that is Jack, pretty much sums up how he lives life.
Elijah just turned eleven! While the boys were at the wrestling tournament, the girls, Matt’s mom, and I all worked hard to switch up bedrooms to surprise them. Nadine has her own room again, the girls came downstairs, and the attic is now a boy haven. The exclamation point up there is the drum set we got Elijah for his birthday. He is a gifted musician, and it’s fun to hear him improving on the piano and drums. He is pretty sure his voice is changing, and though it’s scratchy some days, I’m not convinced yet.
Nadine claims she is constantly hungry, which could be the contributing factor to the extra inch in height she has seemed to procure lately. Yes, she is taller than me. She loves to write, and is currently working on a fabulous chapter book for kids. She babysits regularly and gets a lot of practice with her own siblings. She is currently taking a small break from horseback riding, but is excited to get back in the saddle soon. I love her zest for life, though it often makes me feel exhausted. Much of what she says and does makes me chuckle, when I remember how similar I was at twelve. 
Matthew had a scare at the beginning of the month, which sent us down to Jefferson Hospital. Turns out it was not as bad as we were thinking, but there was enough inflammation to get our attention. Then this week his voice started to take a downhill turn again. After today’s appointment with his Rheumatologist, it was determined he will begin Rituxan infusions again to see if we can nip this in the bud before it gets to be where he was a year and a half ago. We are thankful. When he talks and I hear his voice catch and sound hoarse, I immediately give my fears back to the God who knows exactly what’s going on inside his body. Every day is so incredibly precious with this man I love.
The snow forecasted for today has started to fall. Our van is in the shop, getting its embarrassingly squeaky brakes fixed. I actually have gotten wide-eyed looks from people as I pull into a parking spot and come to a stop. They look like they would like to throw something at me for the pain I’ve caused their ears. I pretend like I didn’t hear anything. Squeak? What squeak? Last month our friend did some body work on it. I am embarrassed to say, but I backed into a boat trailer one September afternoon. Thankfully, the trailer suffered only a broken tail light. Oceanus was worse for the wear. On top of that, I could barely get gas in the tank because there was a small metal flap that had broken off and was hanging in such a way so the pump nozzle would get stuck. So, one night Matthew was trying to fix it. He had a pencil in his hand to hold up one side of the piece, while he tried to bend it with some pliers. It was dark. He was holding three things with two hands. It happened. He walked in the door and I said, “You did not.” He did. The pencil dropped into the gas tank. It was actually kind of funny. Even more funny was explaining it to our friend. He actually was able to fish it out for us. Now we have a pencil-free and dent-free van. Oh, and hopefully a squeak-free one soon as well.
There is much to be thankful for today and always. Happy Thanksgiving!
Falling in With Joy
Have you ever fallen into something terrible? Generally speaking, I don’t tend to fall into pits or deep crevices, but I do sometimes fall into trials. James said this would happen if you’re a Christ-follower. We don’t go looking for trials. We don’t try to get ourselves into trouble. We fall into it. Like last Sunday night: I never saw it coming.
Now we have a choice once we’ve fallen in. Consider anger. What does this benefit? Bitterness toward God starts to grow. Mistrust in His ways and character. Consider depression. Where would that lead? A despondent spirit, full of myself, my feelings, my pity. The third option is what James tells us to do when we’ve gone in deep.
Consider joy. Not just a dash of joy, either. All joy. Pure joy. Nothing but joy. Opportunity for great joy. Full of joy. Sheer joy. Exceeding joy. We’re fortunate. We should be happy. Trials are occasions for joy.
Wow. Unlike the other non-benefits to responding otherwise, choosing joy brings a great reward. The testing of our faith produces patience, which leads to perfection, or complete maturity. Basically, we grow up when we go through trials. Our endurance has a chance to grow. We’re told by James to let it grow. Don’t hinder endurance muscles by plopping down on the couch and yelling, “Why? Why?” Another version says, Learn well to wait so you will be strong and complete and in need of nothing.
This week has been a steady dose of waiting. Plenty of opportunity to learn well. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Matthew’s leg continues to heal slowly. It’s a stubborn infection, needing much rest. For my many-mile-loving-hard-working-only-stopping-to-sleep kind of guy, this has been a huge faith and endurance test. I think running one-hundred miles was easier for him than lying down all day has been. Just like when you’ve been lifting weights for a while and someone looks at you, tilts their head and says, “You look stronger!” I can see faith muscles starting to show. Let it grow. Medical or otherwise, trials are just plain hard. That is why we don’t go looking for them. We fall into them, and yet we’re not alone. As Isaiah 33:6 says, He is your constant source of stability; He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom; He gives all this to those who fear Him.
Broken Tulip and a Road Trip
This tulip was accidently smooshed the other day. I thought it really had died, but with a little love it now sits happily in a vase on my kitchen table. I’m thankful it got broken, because now I can enjoy its beauty whenever I walk into the kitchen! It’s brokenness forced me to embrace its loveliness and not miss out on it while it grew in the garden where I looked maybe once a day. So much like our own lives. Sometimes we have to be broken in order for the beauty of Christ to shine brighter. Sometimes we are moved to the kitchen table to bring more blessing and joy to others than if we had remained where we were more comfortable. Now that it’s in a vase of water, it is actually growing more, because tulips never stop growing, even after they’re picked. Brokenness leads to growth.
Easter was a special day with family. Betty was in on the action this year.
Cousins always add an element of delight to any day!
I’m not sure what Betty was doing. It seemed like she didn’t want to touch the grass with her knees. Nope, she’s still not walking. Just doing yoga.
This weekend I’m super duper excited to drive away to Syracuse with my sister and enjoy a weekend away! We will be relishing time with my other sister and 3 friends we grew up with in Africa… I can already feel my stomach hurting from the laughter, my eyes stinging from the tears, and my heart filling up with once-a-year-maybe-more kind of memories. What amazing husbands we have to happily let us go and enjoy time with our sisters! It’s going to be grand. Happy Friday! May it be beautiful.
No More Flush Button
Right now the house is quiet. The girls are playing monopoly and Betty joined the boys on a Home Depot run. Tonight we’re getting a new toilet for the powder room downstairs! This is such hip hip hooray news for me! No longer will I have to explain to guests how they must take the lid off the tank, touch this wacky thing inside the tank, then press and hold the flush button before anything will go down the tubes. There will hopefully be no more funky smells wafting through the mysterious small cracks around the base of the current porcelain seat. I am a happy girl, indeed.
Today we ran errands, and it was fun to bless the kids with their very own silly putty. Staples had a good deal, and they have been playing with it non-stop all afternoon. I must remember to check pockets this week, because yes, I have made that fateful mistake of throwing silly putty into the load of laundry. It’s not so silly anymore.
Speaking of laundry, there are clothes to take off the line, supper still to clean up, and piles of papers that reproduced overnight without my permission. I should hop to it before the home improvement team comes back any minute. The moment I realized how quiet it was here, I knew I had to push those things to the back burner and just sit. It’s vital to my soul to take time to reflect on God’s goodness for a few quiet moments. Just as Matthew walked out the door he commented how our landlords really are the bomb. God has blessed us richly and when I feel like complaining or giving in to that ungrateful spirit that wells up inside my heart over trivial things… I am reminded of how far He has blessed us. All the way up to today He has held us, guided us, and showered blessings into our life. Tonight that bounty comes in the form of a clean, white toilet!
Grow Old With Me 