Let Freedom Grow

July 1, 2016 / amylynw / Leave a comment

A word which has shaped and defined this year is freedom. I’m seeing it played out in so many ways throughout my every day. For instance. Today my skirt fell off. Under many circumstances, this would have been categorized as one of my most embarrassing moments. Thankfully, I was *only* outside in the front yard, having just walked out to our van to grab something and bring it inside. The mailman wasn’t there. No one was walking by. The neighbors weren’t mowing their lawn. I speedily pulled it together and ran inside. This can be categorized as freedom, though not exactly what I had in mind on January 1st. My box of wrap skirts have taken center stage in my wardrobe. And I will not let a small setback, such as one falling off of me, deter me from wearing them. My twenty-week-belly loves the wrap skirt idea. 2016-06-30 17.31.40 This week the kids have been able to feel baby Chip move so much. Their faces are priceless! Jack sat there with his hand on my tummy for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden his hand shot back and he looked at me with his eyes and mouth about the same width. It was great! As I sit on the front porch this evening after a busy day of mommy-ing, attacking the weeds in my garden, and doing the regular mounds of laundry, I feel some kicking. Baby Chip most certainly had a growth spurt this week, because all of a sudden I make a funny noise when I bend over, forgetting my front has expanded into my ribcage when in that position. That, and I keep stubbing my toes when I walk upstairs. I think it’s because I don’t lift my legs as high right before I take a step. Pretty much on the dot, every night around 11pm the gymnastics starts, and I sit with my hand on my belly, in wonderment at another life bursting with joy inside of me. Freedom.
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For the past six weeks, Elsie has had a cast on her right arm. After about a day of figuring out how to do stuff with a perpetually bent arm, she quickly resumed life with a cast, almost as if she had none. She literally lets nothing hold her back. Even without the use of her thumb, she figured out how to tie her shoes, do monkey bars, climb, ride a bike and even play baseball!
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Monday was a big day for her, when she was liberated from its confines. Freedom. They say a picture is worth a thousand words:
IMG_8590[1] This week I had to say goodbye to a dear, sweet friend. Our husbands met at a spin class about 8 years ago, which was definitely a God-ordained meeting, since I don’t think either of them have been to a spin class ever since. Our kids are the same age, and we’ve watched and prayed eachother through some mutually serious health issues. She is the friend who introduced Plexus to me, and after watching her journey to health and freedom, jumped in to join her. She has been an incredible source of joy and encouragement and wisdom to me the past few years. I love how in Heaven others will truly find out how much impact they’ve had on your life. Thankfully Tennessee isn’t too far, but knowing I can’t just pop over makes me get a little teary. Letting loved ones go and be and do what they’ve been called to is one of the hardest things on earth, I believe. Yet, letting them go gives you more freedom to love stronger and deeper and further than before.
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Once a week Nadine has been getting back into the saddle. It’s the highlight of her week. She gets to ride with one of her best friends as well, which adds all sorts of amazingness to her week. To me, it’s scary. To her, it’s freedom. She continues to be a huge source of help to me around the house and is growing in her babysitting abilities. nrw
Today our not-so-bitty-Betty lost her first tooth! She is growing up, embracing her big sister role already, and is somwhat of an old soul. Sometimes I look at her and wonder on what wavelength she communicates to God. He must tell her things I can’t quite fathom. If you’ve ever had a conversation with her, you might understand what I’m having a hard time putting in to words. Growing up requires a little bit of pain, which usually results in more freedom.
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Speaking of growing up. There are these two characters who live in the attic, who often sound like a small herd of elephants when they come down the stairs. But they are in actuality, boy-men. Boys trapped in bodies which are swiftly becoming men. Boys who dream of motorcycles and ammunition and muscles and big stuff like jobs. Jobs that pay money so Elijah can get his pilot’s license and fly his friends wherever they want to go. It’s fun to listen to their dreams and know that many of them will come true if we never plant seeds of doubt into their fertile minds. Freedom.

Apparently there is a “look back and compare an old picture of you and your spouse to now” thing going on over on facebook. So, for fun I decided to do just that. I practically died when I pulled out this doozy of a photo from nine years ago! Matthew had been sick for about a year and a half, was on high doses of toxic meds, and I was barely surviving as a mom of three. How incredibly blessed and grateful I am for the road we have traveled, and for the way the Lord has helped us navigate the stormy path. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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We don’t even know how many prayers have gone up for us on Matthew’s behalf. So many. There were times we literally felt like there was no way to go on. We praise the Lord for the gift of health. We know we are never guaranteed another breath. But for every breath we are given, we praise Him! Matthew is out running right now, his reflective vest on, heart pumping, lungs breathing, windpipe open. Not something we would have thought about before. It is the storm which has made our love so strong. It is being in the pit which has made the air above so clean and worth savoring. 2016-06-28 23.14.09
We pray for open hands to receive both the sickness and the health. The richer and the poorer. Til death do us part. In doing this, there is great freedom.

Saying Goodbye to Try

June 8, 2016June 8, 2016 / amylynw / Leave a comment

The other day Betty said to me, “I want to do something I’ve NEVER done before!” I literally blinked my eyes and stared at her in wonder. Not for the first time, either. This girl seems to say things which I feel like have come from somewhere deep inside my own heart. Unspoken. Then they find words and come out of her mouth. “Really?” I answered, playing with her hair. She’s been on big rollercoasters and flown inside a cessna airplane. I could tell in her eyes she had a hunger to experience the thrill of something new. Just like her mama. So, even though she’s done it before, it had been a long, long time. We decided to take a walk around the neighborhood and she asked to bring her bike. It’s been about a year since she rode it, and she was nervous about falling down. My favorite thing about our time together, wasn’t the fact that she did in fact ride the bike without me holding on. No, my favorite thing was how she talked to herself while she rode. “I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!” she breathed over and over while I slowly let go and ran beside her. Cheering her on. Watching her fly alone. In her hounds-tooth dress and polka dot rain boots. Her fear lay in a pothole somewhere between our house and 8th Ave.There’s something incredible about what we say to ourselves. I dare you to listen to yourself when you’re thinking. It’s incredibly enlightening. Do you say things to yourself that you would never allow someone to say to your child? Or to you? Changing negative thinking has totally transformed my life and is transforming the lives of our children.

Interestingly, Paul didn’t say, “I think I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Nope. We should never say we will try to do this or that. Every time we try, we make a small exception for ourselves to fail. And you know what? You might mess up and fail. But that should never keep us from picking ourselves back up and getting stronger. I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am so proud of these kiddos. We completed our school year a couple weeks ago. They have all grown and accomplished so much! 2016-05-06 14.08.57
Being out of school has been just what we all needed. There has been a lot of imagination and rearranging and purging that comes when Mommy’s brain is free from thinking of school for a couple of weeks. We started our vacation out right with a broken arm. Broken in three places, no less. That girl is incredibly tough. This is the second time this has happened in her short little life. She doesn’t complain, and she really hasn’t let it stop her from doing anything. When I told her to be careful on the playground, Betty piped up: “At least I can jump! Because I have two arms and two thumbs and two elbows!”

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New neighbors just moved in next door, and the boys had no qualms about asking them if they could have a bunch of their huge furniture boxes to make a small town with them. The rest of the day was spent cutting and creating tiny houses.

Earlier this week, Elsie let out a big sigh in front of me and said,”I just want to run a business or something!” She kept persisting, and finally her dream became a reality. Older sister and a friend all chipped in to squeeze lemons and taste test the perfect lemonade. We had some very enthusiastic salesmen and women, who were not afraid to ask the UPS man, the neighbors, and any passersby’s to buy a cup of refreshing lemonade. Why? Elsie, broken arm and all, determined it was to raise money for gymnastics. This has been a huge dream of hers, and I’m so proud of her for looking ahead, past the “impossible” and seeing her arm healed enough to take gymnastics.
Many days are spent gardening and cutting fresh flowers, enjoying delicious berries, and being amazed at how my belly has popped out with pride and joy. At 17 weeks, baby Chip is kicking and loving the berries I’m eating. Most recently, Matthew put up a new fence on the one side of our yard. It was an exhausting day. But one of my favorite kinds of tired.

So very thankful and daily more in love with this guy. He takes good care of us. He feels great, which is something we never ever take for granted. Once your health has been on the edge of survival wondering at the surety of your next breath, you never go a day without praising God for one more day to enjoy this thing called life. Every day my passion grows to help others who are hurting and sick and tired of being sick and tired.

For the next coupe of days I need to get my game on and face my least favorite past-time: packing. The motivation of having five whole days with Matthew by my side, along with some of the most motivating, loving, encouraging people… I’m not going to TRY. I will take a lesson from my sweet Betty and whisper: “I can do this. I can do this.” I can confidently face my suitcase and smile.

Like Arrows

April 3, 2016 / amylynw / 4 Comments

Sometimes when I look around our table, it feels like someone is missing. Then, a few weeks ago my heart skipped a beat. Two blue lines.
It would be an understatement to say the big kids are excited to have another baby in the house.
Despite the look on Matthew’s face here, he is truly excited. I’m thrilled beyond words, which is why it’s taken me precisely two hours to even write the last two sentences. We know this blessing is from our Father above, Who is aware of every detail of our lives. We know He will show His faithfulness and provision in new and exciting ways this year. Elijah is especially thrilled to have another buddy to keep him company in his birthday month of November.
Rejoice with us!

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
    are children born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
    whose quiver is full of them.

Psalm 127:3-5

All of a Sudden

March 14, 2016 / amylynw / 5 Comments

So before another month flies by, I’d really like to share a bit about the time I went flying to Tennessee last month! It was an unexpected gift, yet one I worked hard to earn. As my Plexus business grows, I too have been growing. Stretching my wings a bit, both figuratively and literally. Matthew is an incredible support and is always encouraging me to keep going, keep learning, keep growing. So, I was gifted this trip by one of the leaders on my team, to go to a John Maxwell mindset training event given by Sonya Dudley, who is also someone whom I look up to in life and business. There were four of us total from our team, and we had SUCH a great time together. All mamas, sharing a passion for Jesus and health and freedom. It was one of the most inspiring weekends I’ve had in a really long time. I came home with copious notes.

Mindset really does matter. “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you’re right.” I realized a lot of lies I’ve let myself believe. Things about my past which I’ve allowed to define who I am today. They have played a part in shaping me into who God has made me to be, but they do not define me. Jesus Christ has set me free from fear of man, shame from bad choices I’ve made, and doubt of what He is capable of doing through me. Absolutely no one on this earth can do what you have been placed on this globe at this time to do. No one.

This is my passion: to bring the same hope to others. I never ever thought a pink drink would pave the way to talk to so many people about hope in Christ and hope in health.
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It’s rather ironic how flat out on our couches we have been for the past month with coughs and tummy bugs. I would be the last person to claim Plexus as a cure or preventative for anything. Of course we still get sick… but when we are well… we are thriving! I can’t tell you just how much stronger I feel than ten months ago. None of this happened all of a sudden. It’s been a consistent and gradual change. My hair is finally growing thicker. My nails are crazy strong and healthy without ridges and bumps. I have been the exact same weight for at least 6 months, without fluctuating those 5-10 pounds once a month. Mood swings are incredibly rare. I wake up feeling refreshed after sleeping like a log all night. I am a much more calm and collected mom than I have ever been, thanks to the simple fact that my blood sugar is finally balanced. It is so simple yet has made such a profound impact on my life as a wife, mom, teacher, and now businesswoman. This is such a tiny smattering of the blessing Plexus has been in our life. Just one story of thousands.

So everything inside of me went for a little loop last week when I stumbled through a few days clouded with an old and very unwelcome friend: depression. I knew what was true, and the thoughts which were tempting me to despair were nothing short of lies. They shrouded my mind into thinking there is nothing really out there for me. Like a fog which tricks the eye into certainty of no more than nothingness ahead. Yet praise God for His Word which is sharper than any two edged sword, and most certainly is able to penetrate light onto my foggy path. He brought me out to the other side and has shown me some incredible promises. There are some beautiful verses which encourage me that I am not the first one to feel these feelings or think these thoughts. Neither are you. It’s what we do with these thoughts that matter. Only by the power of God’s Word, can you dispel the fiery darts of the enemy. Psalm 27 is one of my favorite passages. The last two verses say:

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Lots of exciting things are in store for us this year.  Some huge decisions, and I know that is part of why I felt like shutting down was a good idea.  I love what Matthew reminded me of the other day when I was at my lowest. There are so many pivotal moments recorded in the Bible.  Important stories and dialogues and days, but the in-between days, weeks, months, years… are not all recorded.  Yet always, always, always, God shows up in the mundane.  Solomon, searching for some lost donkeys all of a sudden is anointed king.  Joseph, doing what was before him to do each day in prison all of a sudden was next in command to Pharaoh. Moses, a shepherd, all of a sudden was chosen to be the deliverer of an entire nation.  Jesus, a local carpenter, all of a sudden doing miracles and signs and wonders.  It even seems babies are conceived and all of a sudden birthed in one verse, leaving out the long nine months of waiting and the arduous labor and delivery.  Every single “all of a sudden” moment in the Bible or in your life and mine, has been preceded by many ordinary and unsung days.  Tucked between the ordinary and extraordinary is usually a series of painful and difficult moments, days, months or years.
In the mundane, quitting is not an option.  Trust is vital.  Each moment is but a small stroke in the entire masterpiece.  One day we get to stand back and see how it all fits together.

Twelve Years Ago, This Song

November 14, 2015 / amylynw / Leave a comment

Twelve years ago. I had a little baby boy growing inside me. But for seven months my body wasn’t acting how it should. Abnormal bleeding and on bed-rest, I spent most of my days doing absolutely nothing. Looking back, I regret not using that time for reading piles of books and crafting great and glorious quilts or blankets. But that’s the thing with age. We grow and hopefully become wiser and use our time more productively because we see how precious it is. I remember moving into Matt’s parent’s house so they could help care for Nadine. She turned one, and I didn’t get to take walks around the neighborhood with her, or chase her in the leaves. It was bumpy chapter in our life. For almost seven months I woke up every day wondering if I would ever be able to hold, snuggle, and watch this boy grow. Then, at 31 weeks, my water broke. Matthew rushed me to the hospital, and we were even more aware of how possible it was to lose this wee boy. I was given shots to help develop his lungs and there was a whir of activity in the hospital room. I don’t remember much of that week in the hospital. Nadine learned to walk that week, and I remember her walking into that room in shiny black patent leather shoes, white stockings and a sweet corduroy dress. My mom brought me a bisccotti container to decorate my room. She also brought a boombox, because I didn’t have things like ipods or iphones or even a portable CD player. There was this CD I listened to over and over, and whenever I hear this song, I am transported back to that hospital bed, hand on my belly, praying over this boy. My prayer was always that he would be a man of prayer and faith, like Elijah in the Bible. Tomorrow the next chapter of his life began, on the day he was born. Early to us, but to God: right on time.

I Just Want A Yes

June 8, 2015June 8, 2015 / amylynw / 10 Comments

One thing which bothers me is when one of my children asks me for a snack as I’m cooking dinner. About a week ago, my littlest was doing just that. As I looked at her and firmly told her, “No,” she sat down on the floor, tucked her head in between her knees and cried dramatically: “But I just want a yes!” The outburst stopped me in my tracks. It almost felt like her words were being interpreted from my own heart’s silent prayer to my Heavenly Father. I just want a yes.

This week was a rough one for me. That same particular little girl started having a fever and alarmingly swollen lymph nodes, warranting a doctor’s visit and a round of blood-work. 2015-06-01 14.07.46
Thankfully, the blood-work came back normal, but the next day she developed a scary-looking rash on her forehead/scalp area. To make a long story short, 3 doctor visits later and an incredibly high temp of 105 at one point… she was diagnosed with Lyme’s disease. Lyme’s is a tick borne disease and nothing to take lightly.
This was the point where I began to ask others to pray for us. It was going on five days of constant fever, and Thursday night she was unable to walk up the stairs or move her leg from standing to sitting. She hadn’t really complained yet, despite how wretched she felt, so when she started to cry about her leg hurting so badly, I knew she was in a lot of pain. God promises us tremendous power is made available through a good man’s earnest prayer. (James 5:16) I just wanted a yes, but realized God wouldn’t change in any way if He said no.
We went to bed Thursday night, the only difference being we were completely surrounded by the prayers of so many. It was like a thick blanket or wall, surrounding her on all sides throughout the entire night. It was palpable. On Friday morning, I woke up to a sweet, smiling face in my bed. She had climbed up without any pain or problem and said, “Look at my ear!” (which is where the rash had started). It was completely normal, and there was no rash anywhere. Her fever was gone completely. She was smiling. I’m so thankful He said, “Yes!”

The night before, I had told the Lord again that she was His. I am convinced of God’s goodness and faithfulness not because of what He will or will not do in my life, but because of Who He is. We can not sit on the floor and scream: I just want a yes! If we interpret what He does based on what we think is good, or what we think He should do, we misinterpret His character. Our definition of good is limited by time and space and is tainted by our own selfishness. We can’t see the big picture. Just because I told Betty “no” to having a snack, didn’t equate me as a bad mom. In fact, I said no because there was something even better just ahead if she would just trust me and wait for it. God always acts in accordance with His character and not just according to what we think is good. Having Him take one of my children is something so difficult that I can not even begin to imagine or even dwell on it for one second because of the ache it produces in my heart. However, I was swiftly reminded this week that everything God has given to us can be taken in an instant. Yet, no matter what, God does not change in His goodness, His faithfulness, or His nearness.

Jesus said in John 14:27- I leave behind with you- peace; I give you my own peace and my gift is nothing like the peace of this world. You must not be distressed and you must not be daunted. This verse popped up twice on Thursday. Once, on a crumpled piece of paper that survived an entire heavy duty whirl in the washing machine. (When does paper ever survive a wash?) God knew I needed to hear from Him and be reminded that circumstances don’t change His gift of peace.

The scariness of the situation didn’t shift the truth of God’s nearness. I also read this reminder: Never forget the nearness of your Lord...He is right here with me. Don’t worry over anything whatever. Whenever you pray, tell God every detail of your reeds in thankful prayer, and the peace of God…that peace He knew we so desperately needed, so He left it with us when He went back to Heaven… Which surpasses human understanding… if you’ve experienced it, you know it… Will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. This peace doesn’t come and go, but is like a sentry over our hearts and minds: keeping worry out and keeping peace in, so we can rest.

Don’t Forget To Wash Your Hands

December 12, 2014December 12, 2014 / amylynw / 3 Comments

December started out with a bang, as I supported an amazingly strong woman through over forty hours of labor. My friend and fellow doula, Sarah, came to spell me for a few hours the last night of November. Then on the evening of December first, another baby girl came into the world. It was an honor to witness such strength and endurance as that mama displayed. I am constantly reminded of the incredible stamina and tenacity we as humans possess.

After that sleepless weekend, we were presented with “the bug”, as my children so fondly have named it. It really began Thanksgiving night with Betty getting sick outside, just as we arrived home from a wonderful day with my family. The bug slowly made its way through all but two of us: Jack & myself. So, after a few days of birth jet-lag and a few days of sickness, we made it to this week, where we have had to reel ourselves back into school again. Our attempts have felt somewhat like crash-landings a few days this week. There’s nothing gentle about reality.

Yesterday we had an adventurous trip to Trader Joe’s, where I was meeting Matthew’s mom who was going to take the kids for the afternoon. Upon arriving, Elsie had to go to the bathroom, so we all trudged into the store. After about five minutes of waiting, it was evident we were going to be there for awhile. So I sent Nadine with the others to look for the stuffed hedgehog and claim the prized lollipop that comes from finding said hedgehog hidden somewhere in the store. Five minutes later they returned, all sucking lollipops, and we hung out to wait for Elsie some more. Others joined the small area, waiting for the bathroom to be free. Then Betty, who really has no filter, put her face to the door and yelled: “Don’t forget to wash your hands after diarrhea!” I quickly tried to shush her, while holding back laughter. Of course Elsie yelled from the recesses of the bathroom: “What?!” So Betty quickly repeated her reminder in the same volume. I just about lost it, standing about ten feet from the eggs and milk section of the store, where busy shoppers were probably only wanting to think about food. I never did make eye contact with the man waiting near us.

Tonight the girls were playing their most recent game of “Holly & Annie”. Usually it begins with them meeting eachother after a long absence, and both of them determining how old the other is.
“Holly!” begins Betty.
“Annie!” Elsie replies, and they hug.
“I’m seven years old!” says Betty. (Elsie whispers: Seventeen) “Seventy!” Betty corrects herself. (No, no! Seventeen, Elsie whispers again.) “Seventeen!”
“Wow! I’m eighteen!” gasps Elsie.
“Wow! I’m almost bigger than you!” exclaims Betty, and so on it goes until they go to Hawaii or some such place. It usually is Hawaii, actually.

Recently, an incredibly sweet young lady approached me with the offer of a lifetime: to come be at our home every week for a few hours to do whatever I need her to do. That right there is an offer money can’t buy. We look forward to our weekly visits from her. Often she helps with school, or sometimes she is just another ear for this tired out mama to talk to and I know my words find acceptance and not judgement. If ever there was opportunity for her to judge, it was last week. She was supposed to come Thursday at 9AM. I woke up at 9:05. Every morning, I always lay in bed to try and remember what day of the week it is, where I need to go, who is coming here, etc. I got to that last thought and sprung out of bed to look out the window. Yep, her car was there. I stumbled downstairs to find one of the kids had woken up before me and welcomed her inside. She looked at me and laughed. This here is what we call: real life. Every day I don’t have it all together. Every day I miss stuff, mess up, fall down, or give in to the pressure of life. It’s important to be vulnerable about one’s humanness. I do not wake up gracefully. It was both humbling and hilarious to welcome a guest into my home with a sleepy voice and crusty eyes. Whatever came out of my mouth, every word was really saying, “I forgot you were coming. Forgive me while I go make some tea and clean up the supper dishes I was going to wash before you got here this morning.” Yes, this real life stuff is just that: real. Not fake or put together.

The same person who saw me in my pajamas and morning hair also offered to help me clean and rearrange my room today. I say this to encourage some of you who may be on one side or the other of this coin of life. If you have time on your side, find a mama who looks tired and worn out, and offer a chunk of time to her out of love and not self-gain. The rewards will be eternal, I guarantee you. If you are a mama and someone offers to help you, take them up on the offer! Nothing baffles me more than when we as women shrug off the need for help because we’re too proud to accept it, we’re too embarrassed to air our dirty homes, or we’re too busy to slow down and let someone into our life. I was embarrassed to my core when she saw every single thing that was under my bed. At the same time, I felt a freedom in letting go of my facade that I’m all put together. Just like you, my clothes, my house, my dishes and my hair all get dirty. If you didn’t know it, now you do. It’s a constant battle, to admit my humanness and my imperfections. I’d much rather have an instagram life, but just as quickly as you glance at that perfect picture, reality smudges the lens again.

All these imperfections make me long for more. Thanks be to God, there is more! There will be a day, where there will be no more sickness, no more pain, no more mess-ups, and no more tears. Excellence and beauty will never be tarnished by sin again. Home will be perfect and complete because Jesus is there. If you know Him personally, one day perfection will be your reality too. Until then, let’s love eachother through the bad breath, messy hair, and clutter. And let’s not forget to wash our hands after diarrhea.

So thankful for these five.

Strong Faith Equals Wet Feet

November 4, 2014November 4, 2014 / amylynw / 1 Comment

This morning I wandered downstairs to the kitchen, where my early-rising husband was getting ready for the day. He stared at me. Are you okay? I smiled and put my rice-bag in the microwave. Already my feet had become cold from the short walk down the stairs. Seeing me this early, in motion, is not a frequent sight. There is a lot on my mind, though, and sometimes God wakes us up so we can spend time together without interruptions.

Later today we have a date in the city with some of his favorite doctors. The past three days his voice has taken a turn downhill, which gives us enough alarm and strong reason to see what’s up in the subglottic region of his throat. Not sure if it’s systemic because of the raging ear infection he’s had for a few months now (waiting for insurance to go through to get it looked at properly), or collateral damage from everything that’s happened to his ear, nose and throat the past ten years. We shall find out later today. It’s easy to start sinking into fear. The world is so very full of scary, unpredictable things. When I spend more time skimming news headlines instead of the Word of God, the shaky, fearfulness starts to creep into my heart and mind. I am Peter when he took his eyes off of Jesus and stared at the raging sea and started to sink. Fear cripples you, silences you, and lies to you. Fear is the result of taking our eyes off of Jesus. If you don’t know how to look to Jesus, I would assume fear has a strong hold on you.

In Matthew 14, Jesus had just finished feeding over five-thousand people. He sent his disciples into a boat and then sent the masses away. What a job that must have been. I feel weary after sending my five to their little beds each night, let alone five-thousand. Then He went up into the mountains to be alone and to pray. It was the middle of the night by now, and Jesus was very aware that the disciples were headed into a storm. Knowing the story already, we know that He has the power to calm the storm, so why didn’t He?

He knows the principle of muscle overload. Doing more than we are used to handling in order to make us stronger. His business is to strengthen our faith. So He keeps the winds blowing and the waves surging and starts to walk towards the little boat full of fishermen. I’m not sure if they were afraid of the storm, so much as we know they were afraid once they saw Jesus walking on the water. They mistook His presence for a ghost, and that scared them senseless. Maybe they wondered, like you and I, HOW can all this be happening if Jesus is right here? Why is the wind still blowing, and the storm still raging if Jesus is here?

Then Jesus confirms His presence, and encourages them not to be afraid. “Do not be afraid. Take courage. I am here!” Yes, this crazy wind doesn’t negate the fact that Jesus is here. He is testing your faith. Peter takes Jesus’ advice and has amazing courage. He asks Jesus to call him out of the boat and walk to Him. “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” If Jesus is who He says He is, then He will call you too. Because Jesus is in the business of strengthening our faith. He simply says, “Come.”

This is the craziest part of the story. Peter actually does it. He climbs over the side of the boat and starts walking on the water. I don’t imagine his feet are dry, or his clothes even. The waves are still wavy, the wind is still blowing. But he isn’t sinking. He isn’t drowning. He is eye-to-eye with Jesus. His power and courage and strength are ours when we’re eye-to-eye with Jesus. We’re never untouched by the storms of life. We might even be soaked head to toe, but we don’t have to sink.

Then, it happened. Peter saw the waves. He knew they were there, but now that’s all he saw. His focus changed from Jesus, who called him out of safety, to the danger where he was called. A scary, scary place. To confirm the fearfulness of the situation, and the danger of changing his focus, Peter actually starts to sink. The Bible says, “When he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.” Fear does that. Pulls you under, chokes the life out of you, paralyzes you.

Three words are all he has time to utter: “Lord, save me!” Jesus is so good. He doesn’t tilt His head and think it over while we flounder and gulp water. The moment we call out to Him, He saves us. He says to Peter, and to us, “You have so little faith. Why did you doubt Me?”

We don’t have to sink. His power and courage and strength are ours when we’re eye-to-eye with Jesus.

“When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped.” One day, there will be no more storms, no more fear, no more pain. The salt from our tears will no longer sting our faces. Jesus is there, and we will never again know fear or sadness.

Come out of sadness from wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted let rescue begin
Come find your mercy, Oh sinner come kneel

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
Come as you are

There’s hope for the hopeless
And all those who’ve strayed
Come sit at the table
Come taste the grace
There’s rest for the weary
Rest that endures
Earth has no sorrow
That Heaven can’t cure

Come as you are
Fall in His arms, come as you are

There’s joy for the morning, Oh sinner be still
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.
-David Crowder

Only 179 More Days

September 22, 2014September 22, 2014 / amylynw / Leave a comment

Last night I pulled out the half-dead morning-glory vines and squeezed back tears. My feet crunched dead-ness all around, and I fought the yucky pit in my stomach that creeps in every year around this time. This morning I put on shorts, somewhat in defiance, but succumbed to long pants because my body just can’t take anything below seventy degrees. Then I heard somewhere how today it’s fall, which means my favorite time of the year is over. So I did what is only natural for an African-born gal to do. I cried. Mourning the loss of barefoot days, flowers in abundance, fireflies at night, and countless hours spent outside, without having to worry about a coat or something to cover my feet. I may have even found a counter to check off how many days are left until spring. There are 179 more days. But who’s counting?

So, yeah, I cried over the phone to my ever-patient husband, who didn’t laugh at me for the hard morning I was having as a mom and as a summer-loving girl. But I’m not the sulky eleven-year old that I used to be. Yes, I still resist the urge to slam my bedroom door, and sometimes the door swings out of my hands a little faster than I was hoping it would, and makes a louder bang than I truly intended it to make, but I’m growing up. So, when seasons change and I let my dislike of it get to my very soul, there is a problem. I’d like to think there’s a problem with the thermometer or perhaps even the entire earth, but honestly, there’s a problem with me. There’s this tricky little part in all of us that quickly gives in to difficulty. It’s the part in us that needs words like, “In everything give thanks,” and “Endure hardship like a good soldier.” So when everything is wrong with the world, and people who love fall move to my hit-list, there is problem inside my heart. I have failed to give thanks, to see the beauty in change, and to wonder at what this change will bring to my life.

Things that thrill me no matter what season: sunshine, my man, running, fresh veggies, aromatherapy school, my amazing children, and music.

So, I choose joy. Even though I want to curl up in my bed, with chocolate and hot tea until the first day of spring, I simply can not. I will embrace this colder season of life with dignity, grace and strength provided from the God who made me, knows me, and never leaves me. I will keep donning my sneakers (along with many other layers) and run with endurance. I have goals to accomplish. Children to teach. Things to learn. Places to go. Life can’t stop just because the sun is further from my part of the globe. It’s time to pull out my scarves, check my thankfulness-meter, and perhaps buy a few mums to brighten my dead-looking garden.

Run Wild With The Hope

September 16, 2014September 16, 2014 / amylynw / Leave a comment

Amazing experiences are like pearls hidden in a shell. Unless you know there is treasure inside, it is just an ugly shell. This weekend may have looked like a crazy-dirty-roll-my-eyes-at-another-race-type-run to most people, but if you can be patient, I hope I can unpack and share with you some treasures I found hidden in the rough.

It started as a team of twelve people I barely knew. Names painted onto a van. It ended very differently.

We had two vans, with six runners per van. Every runner had three legs to complete, so we made check boxes for each of us to fill in as we finished. Art meets brawn. Or something like that.
As second runner, I waited for my first run and tried not to think about how cold I was. I imagined the warmth that would soon be coursing through my blood once I got going. Once Bonnie tagged me, I was off.
I had a two-mile climb before cresting the hill and experiencing an incredible view. The van drove by me to yell through the windows, words of encouragement. And I listened to words of worship and blessing through songs in my ears.

And the single hawk bursts into flight
And in the east the whole horizon is in flames
I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And with the prairies I am calling out Your name…
And there is still a faith
That can make the mountains move
And a love that can make the heavens ring
And I’ve seen love make heaven ring…
From the place where morning gathers
You can look sometimes forever ’til you see
What time may never know
How the Lord takes by its corners this old world
And shakes us forward and shakes us free
To run wild with the hope
The hope that this thirst will not last long
That it will soon drown in the song
Not sung in vain
And I feel thunder in the sky
I see the sky about to rain
And I hear the prairies calling out Your name.

I slowed my pace to catch this view with my phone. It doesn’t do it justice. I felt so free up there, maybe a bit like how a bird feels when he’s flying across the beauty only visible between earth and sky. I could feel the glory of the mountains breaking into song and the trees clapping their hands. I was spectator to the majestic song of praise that is constantly being sung. My feet kept time, I met with my Maker up there, and it felt like holy ground.

At the second exchange, I tagged runner 3, and we were off to encourage him. Sometimes it meant screaming through open van windows, and sometimes it meant using sidewalk chalk along the craziest climb of the race. rr3

Through each exchange, each runner tagged the next.

There was a particularly breath-taking view along the way, right before Matthew’s first run.

Who spoke the Earth and sky to form
Who sets the sun and calls the dawn
Who breathed me out of dust to life
With the will to trust or run and hide

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

Who loved me through my rebel way
Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breathes in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

After Matthew ran in to finish leg 1 for our van, we headed to another exchange to wait until van 2 finished their first leg. We slept, refueled, and played Phase 10. It’s always more fun when you win.

I was a bit nervous about running through the night. Donning my headlight, strobe light, and reflective vest, I headed out into the darkness. They weren’t the only things lighting my way.

For all of this life
Your Spirit ignites
A heavenly fire
Untouched by the night

You opened our eyes
Turned death into life
Revealing all truth
There’s no one like You.

In the midst of the darkest night
Let Your love be the shining light
Breaking chains that were holding me
You sent Your Son down and set me free
Everything of this world will fade
I’m pressing on till I see Your face

At a few points during that run, my team pulled over and got out of the van to cheer me on. I’m having a hard time putting into words how that actually made me feel. It was a condensed version of life, really. We all go through dark times, when fears are tangible and light is dim to nonexistent. The second I took my eyes off the light from my headlamp, and darted them into the woods lining the dark road, my heart could feel the darkness. When our eyes are fixed on the light and power that is Jesus Christ, we are truly set free from the fear of darkness. Because darkness is really just the absence of light. Dark times can also be very lonely times. There was literally not a speck of life on some stretches of that road. When those cheering voices came into view, the feeling of loneliness and isolation was immediately overwhelmed by love. Love stands outside on a cold dark night and yells your name until you smile and find more strength in your weary legs.

When we finished our night runs, we were able to rest for a couple of hours at one of the exchanges. The third and final leg began right at dawn. My legs were sore, but quickly the adrenaline gave me an extra boost I didn’t think was possible. We had a few people’s cell phone’s taking pictures along the way. This one is not from my particular leg, but every run had the ever-encouraging “one mile to go” sign posted and blinking. It was pretty exciting to hand off the bracelet one more time, and then revel in the joy of being finished.

Finished running, maybe, but not finished cheering on my team.

When we all completed our legs, we ate a delicious meal before driving to the finish-line in Washington D.C. I even managed to wash my hair and self in the small bathroom sink at Panera. Glory.
The view was gorgeous from the finish line, and then it began to pour. Van 2 team did an amazing job of enduring over very difficult hills, through the night, and in the rain. A few minutes before our last runner crossed the finish line, the sun came out and smiled on our tired but happy team.

2014-09-13 15.08.18-2
Driving home, the sun kept on shining. Check marks on the windows reminded me of hundreds of miles run. Goals accomplished. Hills conquered. Darkness overwhelmed by light. No longer just names painted on a van. Real souls, with stories of their own. Real hearts that pump blood through their bodies. Bodies capable of more than each of us thought possible at times. Names turned into friends. Friends who made me laugh to my core, and changed me in some intangible way I haven’t quite figured out yet. But I know I’m better because of them.
2014-09-13 17.24.03-2
I’ve been shaken up a little. Pushed out of my comfort zone a lot. And somewhere out there on the road, I found a part of myself I didn’t know was missing.

When I agreed to this race, I only saw the shell. I was skeptical of the entire idea. Yet through the hard work and grit and grime, a real pearl emerged. It reflects teamwork, laughter, determination, and friendship. Unique and priceless. Press on. You never know where the next road will take you.