faith

Everything New Today, or ENT

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

As usual, this week has passed about as quickly as the wind that whips my hair through the open windows of the car.  This phone dump is a smattering of what has blown through this week:

My life, in our van, is always noisy.  I admit, I’m jealous of folks who say their kids get sleepy in the car.  Ours tend to go a bit wild.  They tell jokes, do anything and everything to annoy their neighbor, cry, sing, tattle, and do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.  I experienced an almost-flat tire last Saturday.  When I drove into the gas station to check it out, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet when a very nice man started to pump up my visibly flat tire.  Turns out there was a screw in there, and was easily fixed later.

A city date with friends did my claustrophobic mommy-heart good.  There are some days when the walls of home and car seem very tight, and the expanse of the city line eases the life-is-closing-in-feeling.  We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant which served stellar samosas, delicious dinner and the most amazing coffee I’ve ever had.  It was so good, that I tried my hand at cooking it at home, with great success and happiness.

Another highlight was our 10-10 at 10:10 date to get Elsie’s cast off her arm!  With a clean bill of health, she is back to speeding across monkey bars.

This week it was an honor seeing my 4th and 5th grade teacher from when I lived in Africa.  When time telescopes like this, I shake my head in wonder at how I have such clear memories of when I was as old as two of my children.

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Other highlights include the fact that I need reading glasses.

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Yesterday, two of my accessory-loving children got into my closet.  It was a much-needed diversion from school.

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Then somehow the outfit helped Jack get through the rest of his work a little easier.

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Cooking is on an upswing for me, after a long bout in non-inspiration land.

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Matthew visited the ENT this week and found out he has a yeast infection in his throat, so he’s on medicine for that now.  His voice continues to be hoarse and he’s trying to rest it as much as possible.  Otherwise, he feels well.  In the next couple of weeks he needs to meet up with the plastic surgeon who did the surgery on his eyes a couple of years ago.  We will need to set up a long-term game plan for possible future reconstructive surgery of his sinus area.   The bridge of his nose is collapsing, and before a situation might become emergent, we need to figure out some possible courses of action.  We would love to stop the medical dates, trips to the pharmacy, and be immune to disease.  Yet, we know Jesus more through trial than through ease.  We grow when the weight is heavy, not light.  This temporary home loses much of its charm when it’s full of trouble, and our heavenly home grows more beautiful.  Knowing every situation is allowed by God who knows and loves us more deeply than we’ll ever understand, gives comfort and peace beyond explanation.  One day ENT will have a new meaning for us: that day when Jesus makes everything new.  Everything New Today… might be today!

 

Leaning on Gossamer

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This little guy freaked me out a bit, but I was brave and got close enough to shoot his picture anyway.  He has woven an amazing web on our front porch which took hours of his time.  Yet, in one swipe, it can all be destroyed.

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What they trust in is fragile;
    what they rely on is a spider’s web.  Job 8:14
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Too often we put our hope in things which can get swept away in an instant.  Our money, our leaders, our friends, our spouse, our kids, our schools… ourselves.  There is only one person on Whom our hope will stand firm, and that is Jesus Christ.

When our focus strays, we’re on shaky ground.  We’re grasping onto no more than gossamer: fragile, insubstantial nothingness.  It may look beautiful.  It may even have taken hours upon hours to perfect.  Then comes trouble to test where our hope stands.  Whatever our hope is in quickly becomes apparent by whether we fall flat on our faces or are left standing strong in God’s power.  When our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus… when we lean wholly on Jesus’ Name, then we have solid ground beneath our feet.

Tonight our city has hit the map, in not so good of a way.  I am reminded of these verses which never grow old:

Don’t worry about the wicked
or envy those who do wrong.
For like grass, they soon fade away.
Like spring flowers, they soon wither.
Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.
Don’t worry about evil people who prosper
or fret about their wicked schemes.
Stop being angry!
Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm.
For the wicked will be destroyed,
but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

(Psalm 37:1-9)

Gossamer will never hold us.  Only Jesus can.

Mangoes, Heartbeats, & IV’s

/ amylynw / 2 Comments

School is always in session, even when it’s not.  Take for instance last night when Elsie looked at me while drinking from a little milk container, straw stuck in her mouth while she talked:  Mom?  Am I drinking a cow’s pee?  I then had to explain the anatomy of a cow.  Fun stuff, really.

We almost managed to avoid visiting any doctors for an entire week.  My wrist has been acting up (has a lot in the past) and I thought it was finally time to get an x-ray.  At the urgent care, I was told it was nothing but a ganglion cyst.  Ganglion is one of those words I really don’t like saying.  I don’t mind the word “gang”, it’s kind of cool-sounding, really.  A lion is so strong and majestic.  Put them together, and ganglion is just plain awful.  It feels dreadful too.  Thankfully I didn’t need an x-ray, but Elsie is bummed we won’t have matching casts.  I’m amazed at how she has had zero complaints about her pink cast.  She rides her bike, jumps on the trampoline, plays on the playground, and has a personal assault weapon on her at all times.  2013-09-23 16.13.46
We had a fun time with Matthew’s family last night.  Jack learned how to use chopsticks.  He loves China, including its food.  Notice the concentration:
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This week, Matthew was able to bring Elijah to work with him one day.  He had an excellent report from the boss, and was a big help!
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Besides being good with the drill, he is also a handy taste-tester.  What’s an African girl to do when she has a few mangoes on her hands?  Make mango sauce, of course!  That, right there, is a small taste of my childhood in a bowl.  I’m always happy when I can share a piece of Africa with my kids on this side of the planet.
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Nadine’s  love tank is always full whenever she can hold a heartbeat with fur on it.
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She has also been incredibly helpful watching Betty each day for slots of time so I can write, cook, and do school with the short crowd.
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Today marks the second and last Rituxan treatment for Matthew.  Since I couldn’t be with him, I bugged him for pictures.   I know he wouldn’t post them himself… but… I would, because I love him so very much!  His voice is still weak, and sometimes he still is a bit tight, but he “feels” good.  We continue to pray for strength and healing!  I am so incredibly thankful for a man who never sits around (except if there’s an IV pumping through him!) and is never lazy.  He simply follows Jesus in his attitude, actions, and mindset.  I’m not married to a perfect man by any means, but he is a real man.  There is nothing remotely fantasy-related in his life.  He is all real-life and hard-core.  Grow old with me, my love!
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Not Giving In To Wimpy

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Elijah is my resident chef.  He likes to help me cook and can make pizza dough all by himself now.  Yesterday he made banana bread while I oversaw.  Once it was in the oven I reminded him that he also had to clean everything up from cooking.  He likes to “experiment” and had left a lot of egg shells and such in various places on the counter and table.  Then there was the butter, the dishes and the measuring utensils to wash.  As I directed him, in the background there were a few arguments that needed refereeing, a bottom that needed wiped, and the usual questions that needed answered.  It was an hour and a half after everyone else had eaten lunch before I finally sat down to my peanut butter and banana toast.  He must have noticed my weariness because he looked at me and said, You know, I guess that card is right: motherhood is not for wimps!  You see, a few weeks ago a friend sent me a marvelous card with that saying on it.  I didn’t even know he had read it, but Elijah pays attention to details when I least expect it.  I just laughed.  He always knows how to make me laugh.

There are plenty of days I want to give in to wimpy.  I don’t like to be strong and hold it together all the time.  Yet once I give in to those feelings, my life unwinds like a ball of yarn and tangles me up so.  Like last week, when the oh-too-familiar “I really got hurt this time” cry met my ears from the front porch.  Elsie held on to her arm and refused to let it go.  An hour later, I dropped the other four kids off at my wonderful parents’ house and drove to the ER.  Again.  Elsie and I are becoming ER buddies.  Turns out she has a buckle fracture in her wrist.  After getting it splinted at the hospital she said, Everyone will be amazed!   The next day we went to the orthopedic doctor where we discovered she needs a cute pink cast on it for four weeks.  She described it as being: Cozy and comfortable but it hurts too.  That’s how it feels.  Elijah said, Elsie really looks good in a cast!  You know, it really suits her!

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On Sunday, Matthew and I were blessed to have an out-of-hospital date in the city!  We ate at an incredible restaurant with some delightful friends.  The view of Philadelphia was unbelievable.  It almost felt like we were in an airplane.  Even the elevator ride was fun!

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Sprinkled throughout our week have been unintended haircuts, library trips, doctor visits, school, funny finds, purple peppers in the garden, and crock pot dinners.
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The latest compilation of hilarious sleeping positions:

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Last night was a hard one for Matthew.  His throat has been stable, but was pretty tight again.  This makes for little sleep for us both, and leaves a lot of room for trust.  The water is rocky, but our Jesus is in the boat and He’s not going anywhere.  Soon we will be able to rest.   For now, there is no room for being wimpy.

 

 

Everyone Needs Paperclips

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Being a week behind in life, what was to be our official starting week of school has been pushed to next week.  It was great being able to go to Ikea and finish off the last-minute things needed to complete our new and improved school room for this year!  (More on that another day…)

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Last night I ran into staples to bind my custom-created yearly planner.  I printed all the calendar and lesson pages (to be filled in as the year goes on) and had them bind it.  It was perfect… until it was backwards.  Thankfully she was able to trim the hole punches off the right hand side and re-bind it on the left.  It was then that I was struck with the need to buy paper-clips.  In the paperclip aisle I stared at the one row: completely sold out.  Twenty-five cents for a hundred paper clips.  What a steal!  There was no way I was going to spend one or two dollars now.  Unfortunately, every other person in Chester County must have needed paperclips this week, too.  I am still a bit irritated.  We literally have no paper clips, and the people who bought them probably only bought them because they were a quarter.

Being in need of something brings out the best and worst in us.  We can either think nasty thoughts of everyone else around us who has what we wish we had.  Or, we can experience God’s strength to power through the intense hunger or need or want we may have.

I have a friend who is going through some intense need.  Four kids, no car, mold in their house so they can’t even be there… completely relying on others to be the hands and feet of Christ.  Completely dependent on what others have to get them where they need to go and give them a roof over their heads.  I know the desire is there to give up and wish those hard things away.  In our recent stay in the hospital we were also completely at the end of our own strength and ability to do life as we normally know it.  The same friend stayed up all night that first night and prayed with me through texts, as she held my hand from afar and kept me from feeling alone.  That is why I know her faith is stronger than circumstances.  Our faith has to be more than skin deep.  When we feel the initial pain of disappointment, annoyance, or unknown, how do we react?  Do we wish it all away, or do we look up and wait in expectation for how God will work out the puzzle in which we find ourselves?

When the Israelites were brought out of Egypt, God received glory.   … He saved them for His name’s sake, that He might make His mighty power known.  He rebuked the Red Sea also, and it dried up; so He led them through the depths, as through the wilderness.  He saved them from the hand of him who hated them, and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.  The waters covered their enemies; there was not one of them left.  Then they believed His words; they sang His praise.  In three verses, a miracle of unimaginable magnitude occurred.  The sea dried up and their problems were literally washed away.  I felt a lot like this the past few weeks.  Things that seemed impossible have happened.  God’s presence was tangibly felt through each sleepless night and raspy breath.  He literally rescued us from death.  Yet the next verses in Psalm 106 are a stark warning.  

They soon forgot His works;
They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness,
And tested God in the desert.
And He gave them their request,
But sent leanness into their soul.

When we forget what God has done for us, we start walking in our own strength and become very discontent.  Over and over, the Bible tells us to remember, remember, remember.  Set up a rock and call it Ebenezer: this far the Lord has helped us.  Write it on your forehead.  Mark it on your calendar and celebrate!  Break the bread and drink the wine.  Don’t forget.  Never ever forget.  Because when we forget, we start to want what is around us.  We wish away the desert and everything hard.  We don’t realize it, but by our forgetfulness and discontent we are never going to experience the way God wants to reveal Himself to us.  When we ask for plenty, we may be given our request, but sometimes it comes at a pretty high price.

I’ve thought long and hard about the past few weeks.  Would I trade the weeks in the wilderness for something a bit easier?  Maybe no sickness, no money problems, no pain?  It is tempting.  Yet the moment I turn my eyes towards what is easy, I sense my focus shifting towards my own strength and not the Lord’s.  My soul becomes hungry and wastes away when it is not relying solely on the Lord for every meal, every need, literally every breath.  I don’t want to forget.  I fear forgetting.  That is one reason I must write:  I must declare out-loud what great things the Lord has done for us!

So whether it is food, mounting bills, a vehicle or paperclips… if we have need, He will provide.  May our souls never become sick because we rush ahead of what God is about to do.  It is incredible both to experience God’s provision and also to be the hands and feet of Christ in practical ways.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort… We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,  as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.  (2 Corinthians 1:3-11)

We Are Glad

/ amylynw / 3 Comments

Sitting in the hospital gives you a lot of time to think.  Matthew has had a pretty good day, after a more scary evening yesterday.  Every moment is such a gift!  Finding joy in God’s word, humor in little things, and I did some push-ups and squats for Matthew.  Not exactly what the cardiac floor is used to, I suppose.  (By the way, his heart is great, it just helps them monitor him better by being on this floor.)
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We miss our babies, but are so thankful for family close by who are taking such good care of them for us.  We love flipping out the nurses by telling them we have five kids.  The boys made cards for Matthew and Elijah’s said, Be brave.

I jotted some funnies down from the past two weeks.

After explaining something to Jack, he said to me, I’ve been growing, and…I have listening ears now… Finally.

 

Betty is becoming more and more vocal.  A few weeks ago we were looking at the birthmark on the back of her arm and she said, I have a birk!  She loves to say, Hey, Mommy!  Hey, Mommy!  Over and over until I respond.  And then she’ll say it again.  She had an awful virus the past 10 days that affected her mouth, but I hear from Grandma that she is eating and talking just like herself now.

Elsie dreams of being a ballerina.  As she donned her ratty tutu and sparkly hello kitty shoes she told me how it all could go: You can put pony tails in my hair, go to the store, get ballerina shoes, and take me to ballerina class!  

As we were driving, I asked her to pray.  So she started praying and it went something like this:  Thank you for this day, thank you for our car… punch-buggy white!  And please help us drive safely…  I love her thought process!  She also is the best at playing punch-buggy!  A very observant little girl.

As we hang out, I’ve reflected over the past couple of weeks in pictures.

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Left to Right, starting from the top, here are some of my favorite memories of the past two weeks:

Reading Pat the Bunny on the front porch five times in a row.  Betty would always kiss the page with Daddy’s scratchy face.
Matthew fixed the over-heating problem we were having with the van!  After hours of grease and sweat, he beat the heat.
Our neighbor gave us their old queen-sized bed.  Around 10 PM the men got stuck half way up the stairs with the box spring.  Not only did they sawzall it to make it work, but then Matthew reconstructed it so we could sleep there that night.  It is SO comfortable and makes me feel like a queen!
Sick little Betty snuggling in aforementioned bed with sick daddy.
On good days, Matthew had been working on our backyard shed!  It looks so nice, and is almost finished!
Mint tea from our garden and God’s word is always a good way to start ones day.
Betty started to feel better and we had a fun little time on the trampoline while we watched Daddy work.
The older 3 kids were at Grandma Weldon’s for a couple of days.  When we went to pick them up, Elsie started laughing and crying all at once with the sheer joy of seeing them again!
Paleo fudge shaped like a heart.  What’s not to love?
Jack and Elsie comparing loose teeth in the car.
Being sick is no fun, but when you can lean on each other, it makes it a bit easier to bear.
A diet of applesauce and yogurt is made more fun when you can eat yogurt with your fingertips.
Free ice-cream and brothers.
Earning free ice-cream from the library for doing many hours of reading!
Riding the tricycle at Grandma’s house is better together!
Jack loves the color orange and his giant Tigger!  He strapped him into a car seat and everything!

My friend came by today and blessed me with this mug.  When I finished drinking my tea, there was my favorite verse written on the bottom of the cup: The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!  Psalm 126:3  He has indeed!

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Now I Know How To Spell Subglottic

/ amylynw / 21 Comments

A few weeks ago, Matthew and I penciled, no, more like cemented, this week into our calendar as our vacation week.  Unbeknownst to us, God had a reason for that.

This vacation finds us in the hospital with IV steroids pumping into Matthew’s body.  Wednesday night, close to midnight, his airways started to get worse.  We hopped into the van and started driving to the ER.  About ten minutes into the drive, Matthew mouthed the word “faster” to me and so I put the petal to the metal and accepted the challenge of driving as fast as I could without one worry of being pulled over.  Escorted, perhaps, but not given a speeding ticket.  I’ve never felt life hanging in the balance so palpably before, and I prayed my heavy foot would outweigh the looming reality that death was hovering.  God’s presence strengthened my shaking hands and churning stomach.

We made it and were whisked right into the ER where he was given a breathing treatment and steroids.  Four hours later, he was admitted.  Our first hospital vacation that doesn’t involve having a baby, began.  After having a CT scan of his neck, seeing a pulmonary specialist, ENT specialist and Rheumatologist, it is evident that our dear old friend Wegener’s Granulomatosis has said hello again.  Rarely does it move to the throat, but Matthew is a rare guy so it seems fitting.  Currently, he is on high doses of IV steroids to calm down the inflammation in the subglottic region of his throat (right under his vocal chords).  Technically, he has what is called subglottical stenosis , which is a lot of inflammation under his vocal chords, leading to obstructed airways.  It explains the loss of voice, steady worsening of symptoms, and hard-to-diagnose reason for his difficultly breathing.  There are a variety of treatment options, and we are currently working with the rheumatologist to decide which route to take.  It is not a quick and easy fix.  Hopefully he can be released soon to continue treatment at home, but for now we’ll enjoy the gentle beeping of hospital machines, the untimely drawing of blood and plastic dome-covered dinners.
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Throughout this experience, we’ve been overwhelmed by the love of family and friends.

Matthew encouraged me yesterday with Psalm 46 and these thoughts:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  To the extent we suffer trouble, we experience God’s help.  We can not know God’s help unless we experience trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear.

 

Beauty That Outweighs

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I woke with a start to see him sitting in the chair in our room.  It was around 2AM, and his face had the look of death about it.  I thought someone had died and I quickly went over to him to see who.  He barely got the words out: I’m not doing so well.  My heart dropped a bit, and I sat on his lap with my head on his chest, which was tight for air.  His exhausted body finally relaxed into sleep and then rallied through for a few more days of work and life.

Every day is full of unknowns.  This is true whether you’re sick or well.  I remember the plaguing thoughts of “he might die from this” when he was first diagnosed with Wegener’s Granulomatosis, eight years ago.  I thought they had been banished but was surprised to find them resurfacing the past few nights.  The panic is very close to overwhelming when I go through the motions in my head.  Then I must remember I don’t have the grace to handle this unknown because it is just that: unknown.

Jesus only gives us the strength we need to bear what we’re going through right now.   It is sufficient grace, meaning it’s not meant to handle “what ifs” or my imaginings.  His grace is sufficient to handle the ache of seeing my husband not well.  It is sufficient to love him, love our children, and do what God tells me to do today.  It is not sufficient at this point in time to go through the motions of life without him, because he is still here.  Living in the land of What If is poisonous to one’s soul.  It is a misuse of God’s amazing gift of today when I go through the motions of death and depression when life is right in front of me.

I have faith that just as God’s grace is sufficient to sustain me through weeks of sickness, it is sufficient to sustain me through more than that.  I just need Him today, this hour, this moment, to hold me up and rejoice over me with singing.  Whatever your today is, even if it’s tainted with the sting of death, He is more than sufficient to calm your heart and sooth your ache.

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We wish you could see how all this is working out for your benefit, and how the more grace God gives, the more thanksgiving will rebound to his glory. This is the reason why we never collapse. The outward man does indeed suffer wear and tear, but every day the inward man receives fresh strength. These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain. For we are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent.

– 2 Corinthians 4:15-18 (Phillips)

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Since writing this, Matthew is still struggling with something unknown, possibly unrelated to his chronic respiratory issues.  It doesn’t appear to be life-threatening, but not any of us is to say when our last breath should be.  We appreciate your prayers for joy and refinement through this time.  He is seeing a few different doctors at this time.

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I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long

You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace He brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very One I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery: this is why, this is why I sing.

-Jeremy Camp

The Key to Getting Found

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I hate lost things, I muttered to myself as I slouched across our bed for the umpteenth time today, tears making my cough worse.  It started with a lost library movie.  Which I found lying nonchalantly under someone’s bed.  Then when we were finally ready to actually GO to the library I noticed the keys we needed were not on my carabiner.  Thus began lost things, take two.  An hour later and still no keys, but plenty of tears, I gave up and plopped across our bed again.  Everything lost perspective, became a blur,  and I could only see annoyance, not providence.

Elijah said to me, Mom, do you think that maybe God has a reason we can’t find the keys?  I prickled at his astuteness amidst my tearing apart of our house.  Yes, I’m sure He does, but I have no idea what it is.  My voice was not exactly dripping with grace.

Yeah, He always has a reason, Elijah remarked calmly.

I wasn’t really listening to my nine-year-old and his wisdom, but I’m listening now.

My mind also wanders to a song known by many.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.  
I once was lost, but now am found; was blind but now I see.

I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t hate lost things.  He has a mind-blowing purpose for each and every one of us: lost and ugly sinners.  When we let ourselves be found by Him, we become part of the biggest search and rescue effort ever launched.  The key to getting found is to recognize you are lost.  And you know what?  He never, ever, gives up.

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Yellow Polka-Dotted Caterpillars and Knocked Out Teeth

/ amylynw / 2 Comments

A quiet, squeaky voice is all she has left right now.  The barky cough sends warning signals coursing through my mommy brain.  Betty always seems more bitty when she’s sick.  The yellow crayon band-aid was little comfort to the painful steroid shot received at the doctor this morning.  Although this is about the third day I’ve eaten lunch at two o’clock-ish, and haven’t donned my chef hat for at least as long, I’m trying to get a closer perspective.  To get outside these four walls of thinking, to see what might be lost in worry.

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Recently a friend of mine gave me a macro lens for my camera.  It basically brings into focus what the naked eye rarely sees.  I just went outside to see what I normally don’t see because I’m either too busy or unconcerned.  The mirror-like water droplets reflecting back the sky.
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Intricate geranium buds bursting with potential.
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Delicate folds of each rose petal.
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At first I only saw the daisy, then I saw the insect.
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Then I finally saw the life and death struggle between spider, victim, and concerned friend.
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At first I only saw striking orange flowers.  Then I saw their detail, like the most beautifully layered ruffles on a skirt.DSC_3141-001
Then I saw the pollen tucked under this guy as he searched for more.
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I only saw the gangling tomato plant, but then the brilliant caterpillar came into view.  His amazing colors and feet captivated my attention.
July 2013
God gives astounding attention to detail.  He dresses the flowers in ruffles and hues the best seamstresses can never replicate.  He paints the caterpillar the most amazing color of green with fun yellow dots.  He knows about our struggles and pain.  He cares about you.  Today one of our children asked me why Betty had to get sick.  I simply have no answer to that question, or any of the millions of other hurts only God knows about.

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Immediately after writing that, Elsie came inside, blood coming out from all around her mouth.  Her top lateral incisor gone, and blood still flowing, we decided to go to the ER.  Even though my mom was on her way, leaving a wheezy, crying Betty to take a crying, bloodied Elsie to the ER felt completely overwhelming.  I cried down Route 82 and onto started saying Elsie’s Bible verses out loud to her:  Do not fear, for I am with you.  Do not be afraid, for I am your God.  Do not be afraid.  You are more important than many small birds.  It calmed us both down.  Two hours later, we are home, did not find the lost tooth, and she’s smiling a swollen smile.  Yes, God cares for us more than we can imagine.  He is still good, even through croupy coughs, knocked out teeth, sick kids, and difficult days.  Look at who He is closely.

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