Hidden Treasure

Spring always surprises me, and I love to be surprised.  As I cleaned out the garden beds yesterday, I saw this gorgeous crocus.  I acted as if someone had jumped out at me from behind a tree and I hollered out loud.  I knew they were out there somewhere, but when I spotted it, it still surprised me.  I love to be surprised.  Have I said that before?

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It reminds me of one of my favorite Bible stories.  Joseph’s story is chock full of surprises.  The part of the story I’m thinking about came to mind because I read it this morning.  Joseph’s brothers had left Egypt and their brother Simeon behind, to bring grain back to their families who were close to starving.  When they stopped for the night to feed their donkeys, they found their money in the mouth of the opened sack.  It says they trembled.  This was not a good deal, this was more of a nightmare.  Their lives were at the mercy of the harsh-speaking ruler, who was actually their brother!  The story gets better.  When they have to return to buy more grain, they take double what they owe, in addition to their youngest brother, Benjamin.  Joseph intimidated them so badly and squeaked out every drop of family information he could get so he could see his little brother again.  What must those ten brothers have been thinking as they took the long trek back to Egypt?  What must Simeon have been thinking as he sat in jail for weeks on end, pondering his past crime of selling Joseph to a bunch of slave traders?

When they arrive at last and present themselves before Joseph, he throws a feast for them.  Confused, they tell the man in charge of Joseph’s house about the money mix-up.  This is my favorite part:  Don’t be afraid.  Your God and the God of your father has given you treasure in your sacks.  A shock indeed.  Not only were they off free and clear, the Egyptian handed glory over where glory was due: God Himself!

The brothers weren’t even close to being done being surprised.  At the meal, Joseph had them sit in birth order.  Benjamin was given five times as much as anyone else.

Then, when it was time to leave, Joseph ordered his steward to put an enormous amount of food in their sacks, plus their money.  Again.  He also told him to put his special silver cup into Benjamin’s sack.  This led to a planned-out donkey chase as Joseph ordered his steward to catch his brothers and find his silver cup.  Of course, it was found in Benjamin’s sack.  Of course he was the one and only son they had promised their father would come home without a scratch.  So, they loaded up their donkeys and all headed back to face the wrath of the strange emotional ruler who was generous yet harsh.

Then, the biggest surprise of all.  Joseph orders every person out of his presence except his brothers and drops a bomb shell on them.  Weeping, he tells them he is Joseph, their brother.  The Bible says they were speechless and terrified.  Can you imagine?

I’ve never been surprised quite like that.  But so often we are surprised when God blesses us.  He is often looked at as the One who takes away, and we forget all He gives.  Sometimes we think of Him as harsh, when He is really just testing us to know what is in our hearts.  We all have treasures in our sacks.  Our musty, dirty messed up lives are brimming with what we need to live.  In addition to that, there is treasure.  Every day there is treasure.  Not of the money kind, but of the eternal kind.

We must be open in order to receive.  We must be empty in order to be filled.  He has given us treasure in our sacks.

Tell those rich in this world’s wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.  And oh… guard the treasure you were given! Guard it with your life. Avoid the talk-show religion and the practiced confusion of the so-called experts. People caught up in a lot of talk can miss the whole point of faith.  Overwhelming grace keep you! – 1 Timothy 6:18-20

This priceless treasure we hold, so to speak, in a common earthenware jar—to show that the splendid power of it belongs to God and not to us. We are handicapped on all sides, but we are never frustrated; we are puzzled, but never in despair. We are persecuted, but we never have to stand it alone: we may be knocked down but we are never knocked out! Every day we experience something of the death of the Lord Jesus, so that we may also know the power of the life of Jesus in these bodies of ours. Yes, we who are living are always being exposed to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be plainly seen in our mortal lives. We are always facing death, but this means that you know more and more of life.  – 2 Corinthians 4:7-12

 

Bright Hope

I can’t shake the chill from my fingers.  This is the umpteenth time I’ve warmed up my daughter’s heart-shaped rice bag and snuggled it close.  Was it really a week ago that my legs were burning as I bushwhacked my way up a thorny hillside to behold a sight so beautiful it made every scratch worth it? DSC_6488 DSC_6516-001 Was it really only a week ago we were on the beautiful Haitian shoreline, snorkeling in the ocean, and crisping under the Caribbean sun? DSC_6582-001 DSC_6597-001 I remember our last night there but it collides with my today so jarringly, I wonder if it really happened?  Ocean breezes collide with winter chill.  Adventure seems to have made way for monotony.  New sights have been replaced by similar surroundings again.  As clichéd as it is, last week feels like a dream.

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My body is jet-lagged not from time, but weather.  It’s impossible to write even a summary of our week in Haiti.  I could go through my journal and tell you each thing we did or ate, but I don’t think that would be profitable.  I’d rather reflect on the ways God worked in my heart and showed Himself to me. Before leaving, our entire family was plagued with the great throw-up bug.  In between washing sheets and blankets and every conceivable surface, I attempted to pack.  How it got done is only by God’s grace.  I had pictured myself cleaning our house and leaving it pristine and tidy, with love notes tucked in different places for Matt to find while we were gone.  I left the house a complete mess.  Not one single love note, not even scribbled on the mirror.

One of my worst fears was getting sick while we were in Haiti.  The second our plane landed, Nadine threw up.  The day after we arrived, I was hit with terrible diarrhea.   I prayed for God to take it away and He did, just before we left on our first outing into the village.  The next night I was hit with a fever and went to bed shivering and sweating all night long.  The next day we traveled to the Moringa field where CPR-3 is working.  I was not about to let a fever get in the way of  the day. The moringa tree is literally a miracle from God.  Check out the amazing benefits it provides, here.  Revelation 2:22 paints a little picture of Heaven and describes another miraculous tree:  And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. DSC_5533-001 This verse implanted itself on my mind the entire day we chopped down moringa trees.  I ate their leaves and prayed for healing from the fever.  The whole day was a blessing.  We sweated and learned more about each other, and eventually I did get well.

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God took my worst fear and showed me that His grace is sufficient in our weakness.  I felt His care through my team around us, encouraging and caring for Nadine & me.  There are many fears that throw themselves at us each and every day.  This week I was reminded: you are still here, because God wants you here.  Not that I feel as if I was facing death, but many are, and we never know what tomorrow may bring.  If we rest in God’s promise of now, and do not fear what we can not see, our hearts can be at peace.Haiti Day 6

That is enough to jump for joy and be full of hope.

Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow;
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand besides.

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A Snake in My Garden

I have a favorite book called There’s a Snake in My Garden, by Jill Briscoe.  I remember seeing it on my mom’s bookshelf in Africa and came by my own copy later in life.  Not until recently has that realization really hit home.  Knowing there is an enemy and feeling his slithering evil are two different experiences.  His whispers are believable yet untrue.  His enticements are tempting, but always destructive.  Temptations are shiny on the outside but ugly on the inside.  Sweet to the taste, but leave us throwing up and bent over with pain.  Temptation in and of itself is not sin, but just like a seed only needs some water and light to grow, it doesn’t take much for temptation to grow into more.  The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

That is the good news.  The gardener of our hearts doesn’t turn His back on us, lock the door and let us fend for ourselves.  When we start fending for ourselves, is when everything falls apart.  Thinking I can handle temptation on my own strength is recipe for complete failure.

Jesus isn’t looking to condemn us.  He is looking to free us.  Confession and repentance lead to forgiveness and healing.  Don’t let the ripple effect of sin reach its tendrils into every facet of your life.  The yucky part is confessing our sins to one another.  Even more yucky, though, is if we don’t.

This week I’ve experienced love, healing, and growth.  The snake isn’t dead yet, but he is defeated and he knows it.  He surely wants to ruin us while he has a chance, but Jesus is stronger.  Sin is broken.  He has healed us.

Empty Suitcases

Recently my prayer has been to change, to grow.  So He challenges me.  He pulls out all the stops until I’m left with nothing but His grace alone.  I’ve come face-to-face with the hard reality that our enemy isn’t after Christians who have everything to lose.  He’s after those who have nothing left to lose because they’ve given it all up for Christ.  Jesus is after total surrender.  I assumed that because we’re traveling to another country this week, God would keep us from sickness.  He is more concerned at honing my trust in Him than He is about keeping me comfortable.   As I washed sheets covered in vomit at dinnertime, then bathed another child reeking in their waste at midnight, I had to praise Him for the strength to do these things.  The water to wash.  The clean sheets to replace.  The comfort I could give.  As my tummy gurgles uncomfortably tonight I have to praise Him.  The other choice isn’t an option, because it will just keep me where I am, and I want to grow and change.

The suitcases sit empty, and I anticipate their filling soon.  As they are filled, I pray I would be emptied of myself so I have nothing but Christ to offer those He puts in my path.suitcase

The Snow Angels Declare

All week  I’ve been watching my little geranium about to bloom on the kitchen window sill.  This morning it was fully open.  It’s simply breathtaking to see a burst of living color in the dead of winter.  My eyes look at it, feeling starved.  I can’t stop drinking in its color and life!

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Now the snow is falling.  Of course the boys went right outside to play in it.  I happened to look out of the laundry room window to see them smiling at a pair of snow angels they just made.  I gave them a thumbs up and they grinned even bigger.  A few minutes later I heard their voices at the front door asking me to come and see something.  My first thought was, No thank you, I’d rather not risk being bitten by the snow.  However, an excitement in their voices drew me past even my annoyance of the cold.

Mom!  We made snow angels down the WHOLE sidewalk!  Sure enough, they did.

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When I turned to come back inside, Elijah said, Now everyone can see how great the glory of God is!

I am speechless.  What a way to look at everything we do.  All for the glory of God, so everyone can see how great and awesome He is!

God’s Holy Equation

The icy air seeps through my gloves which clutch the steering wheel.  I mutter under my breath as I pull the wheel with every muscle fiber in my upper body, just to get out of the parking space.  The inside of his truck reeks of glue and wood and stain.  The darkness of the evening hides what I know is everywhere: dust & dirt from a working man’s truck.  The stick shift comes naturally, but every change of gear is a bit precarious because of everything I’m trying to balance on my short drive.  A big red plate of cookies, half-way fitting on the dashboard, slides as I make my first left turn.  Instinctively I grab it with my right, still making the hard left turn up-hill.  I quickly remember that it is a two-handed job to turn this beast, and I shove the plate onto my lap before it’s too late.  Again, I grumble at the hardship.  My arms burn from making one left turn.  I sit and think about him.

The icy feeling is in my heart too, you know, not just my fingers and toes.  This gift called marriage is work, they told us.  Eleven years ago I wasn’t sure I believed them.  How can something so amazing, so right, and so beautiful take work?  Doesn’t it come naturally?  Don’t the feelings just fall into place?  You know the answer, as sure as my arms were burning.

Sometimes the drifting is over days or weeks or months.  Other times it’s from one hour to the next.  Suddenly he’s there and I’m stuck over here and there’s a bridge somewhere but I’m too tired to find it.  I clutch the steering wheel harder, hoping my fingers will get warmer.  There’s no heat in this thing, and I keep the bad words from coming out of my mouth.

It seems impossible  not to let my feelings match up with the cold.  Like a game of memory, I flip them both over and stack them up beside me.  Inside me.  I turn them over again and again.  Before the stack gets any higher, I arrive at my destination.

Warmth overwhelms me.  Physical, yes, but it reaches into my soul.  Friends, sisters, they are changing the game.  I keep flipping over matches, but they’re the opposite of what I’ve been seeing.  Love coupled with warmth.  Another toasty card is matched up with care, then listening ears, then more love.   The unity and power of love can not be squelched.  The chill is dissipating from my soul.  My heart beats faster for him.

As I walk back to the dusty, rusty truck, I’m jolted back into winter from the brief oasis of warmth I’ve experienced.  Yet something has changed.  Love changes us.  It certainly trumps this eery, distant feeling that’s etched itself all over my heart.  I quit the game of selfishness and throw my towel at the frigid feelings trying to squelch my desire.  Once home, I crawl into our cozy bed and pray over his sleeping warm body.  Then as if from God Himself, the bridge we needed but couldn’t see from cold and selfish hearts, opens up between us.  The gap is closed.   God’s holy equation of two equaling one, melts my chill hard heart into worship.

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Doing the Beautiful

Between the lines… what really happens?  More than I can write about.  I want these writings to be something my children can look back on and see… love… laugh… learn… remember.  This month has been full to the brim with adventures, excitement, ordinary happenings and trying ordeals.  Some days have felt full.  Others have felt more like everything has broken all around me and what was once beautiful is being spilled onto the floor and wasted.  But more on that later.

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Sometimes I feel like I’m looking in a mirror when I glance up at this girl.  She’s eye-level with me now.  When did this happen?

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Sometimes I am looking in the mirror.  Yes, I was rather grossed out to see there was enough dried-on toothpaste flung onto our bathroom mirror for someone to play tic-tac-toe on it.  Yes, I took a picture.  Because I know this aberration will not be seen when these kids have flown the coop and I have all day long to polish my bathroom mirrors.  That is what I’ll be doing, right?

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This guy’s blue eyes fill a special place in my heart.  They are the first to open in the morning.  They are tender with tears when he misses his little sister visiting Grandma.

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Way back on January 5th, we were woken up with rustling feet and excited voices.  Big sister pulled everyone’s signatures and proudly presented this card to us.  Then littlest sister proceeded to eat the breakfast I was served in bed.  It was a special morning, marking eleven years married to the love of my life.

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Before the leg was hurt, everyone enjoyed watching Daddy crank out some moves on his blades.

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Don’t be fooled by the princess helmet, polka-dot pants and Mary Jane shoes underneath those plastic fisher price wheels.

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This girl can bust out some moves of her own!

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Sometimes I have helpers in the kitchen.  Sometimes an egg beater covered in vanilla pudding is the trick to stopping the evening-blues that tend to hit sweet two-year-old girls.

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Often there are hand stands, flips, break-dances, and other movements thumping the floor.

January 2013

After our December journeys, our van really did look that bad.  Not a speck of shine.  Since we had exactly enough money for a car-wash, we treated our van to a little pampering.  I’m not sure who was more excited: the kids or I.  Betty was in awe and when we exited the wash and kept saying, Again!  Again!

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Five days a week, there is school.  I relish the one-on-one times.  Jack is like an airplane who has stopped its taxi only to get faster until its airborne.  He is flying over obstacles, and getting better and better at sticking to a hard task until it’s finished.  The new camouflage overalls given to him recently have been a huge hit.

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Other spaces in my day find more messes.  More brokenness.  More being spilled out.  Sometimes I react like Jesus’ disciples did to the woman who broke a very expensive jar of perfume with which to anoint Jesus’ head:  Why this waste, Lord?  The time spent cleaning up, making beautiful, or saving for something special.  Then, disaster, messiness, shattered glass.  What’s the point?

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I hear Jesus speak in return to my disgust, my wondering, my anger.  You have done a good work for me…  You have done what you could.

Jesus never wastes trials.  Our perspective is so temporal.  It sees the shards.  He sees the end.

The ultimate brokenness was for you and for me.  He hung, perfect and sinless, bleeding and broken on a wooden cross.  More pain than shattered glass or ruined hopes.  In His brokenness, He crushed through the worst barrier separating us from God: sin.  While his mother wept and wondered at this loss, this waste of a perfect life… God saw the end.  He saw what we get to see now!  Resurrection power poured out on all who believe.  Forgiveness of sins.  Eternal life.  All because of brokenness.

Nothing we are going through is a waste.  He redeems, sweeps up broken pieces, restores, heals, forgives, and makes beautiful that which we thought was defective.  He turns what we think is worthless into something of unimaginable value.

So I will keep on doing what is before me.  What I can do.  I will give Him my best, my cracked, empty self.  Jesus says when we do this, we have done a beautiful thing for Him. (Mark 14:6)

Falling in With Joy

Have you ever fallen into something terrible?  Generally speaking, I don’t tend to fall into pits or deep crevices, but I do sometimes fall into trials.  James said this would happen if you’re a Christ-follower.  We don’t go looking for trials.  We don’t try to get ourselves into trouble.  We fall into it.  Like last Sunday night: I never saw it coming.

Now we have a choice once we’ve fallen in.  Consider anger.  What does this benefit?  Bitterness toward God starts to grow.  Mistrust in His ways and character.  Consider depression.  Where would that lead?  A despondent spirit, full of myself, my feelings, my pity.  The third option is what James tells us to do when we’ve gone in deep.

Consider joy.  Not just a dash of joy, either.  All joy.  Pure joy.  Nothing but joy.  Opportunity for great joy.  Full of joy.  Sheer joy.  Exceeding joy.  We’re fortunate.  We should be happy.  Trials are  occasions for joy.  

Wow.  Unlike the other non-benefits to responding otherwise, choosing joy brings a great reward. The testing of our faith produces patience, which leads to perfection, or complete maturity.  Basically, we grow up when we go through trials.  Our endurance has a chance to grow.  We’re told by James to let it grow.  Don’t hinder endurance muscles by plopping down on the couch and yelling, “Why?  Why?”  Another version says, Learn well to wait so you will be strong and complete and in need of nothing.

This week has been a steady dose of waiting.  Plenty of opportunity to learn well.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Matthew’s leg continues to heal slowly.  It’s a stubborn infection, needing much rest.  For my many-mile-loving-hard-working-only-stopping-to-sleep kind of guy, this has been a huge faith and endurance test.  I think running one-hundred miles was easier for him than lying down all day has been.  Just like when you’ve been lifting weights for a while and someone looks at you, tilts their head and says, “You look stronger!” I can see faith muscles starting to show.  Let it grow.  Medical or otherwise, trials are just plain hard.  That is why we don’t go looking for them.  We fall into them, and yet we’re not alone.  As Isaiah 33:6 says, He is your constant source of stability; He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom; He gives all this to those who fear Him.

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ER Date

Please, God, just let us stay at home tonight, I kept praying.  Matthew went to bed at 8 o’clock, looking feverish and limping into bed.  A two-week-old gash on his leg changed from a sore that looked like it was healing, to an angry, swollen, sore leg.  Infection was swiftly making its home in his blood, taking up residence where it has no right to belong.  So, here we sit in Hallway Bed A.  Emergencies all around us, requiring us to take a hallway bed.

Thank you, Lord for his leg.  In a different century, that might not be.

We see how frail our bodies are.  How quickly a small trip up can lead to more serious consequences.  It was just a wooden box.  It was just a little wound.   How can it wreak such havoc?  One thing leads to another.

We see people we know.  A friend of theirs rushed here by ambulance because of an overdose.  One choice ravages a life.  One thing leads to another.

The red creeps past the black marker.

………………………………………………………………….

It’s been awhile now.  Antibiotics are surging into his bloodstream.  Picking a fight with the nasty bad guys we can’t see.  The red stops creeping.

Fear collides with peace.  We will keep our eyes on You.  

Going home for the rest of the night.  We’ve had fun on our ER date.  It’s been awhile since we had one of those.  Prayers all over the globe were answered on our behalf in a lavished-on grace-full way.  Home tonight.  We eat popcorn in our bed, fully aware that God is good.

We will keep our eyes on You.

Year of Whimsy

All week, I’ve been pondering my word for the year.  I used to do this regularly.  One year it was the year of “miracles”.  That was the same year our Elsie was born.  We were told there was a good possibility we wouldn’t be able to have more children because of the medicine Matthew was taking.  Miracle indeed.

This year I think we’ve nailed down the word.  Whimsy.  It means: Extravagant.  Excessively playful.  Spontaneous.  Unpredictable.  It seems to define my life right now.  I don’t like the negative connotations like, “superficial, careless, unstable and  wayward.”  However, though life is full of whimsy, God is full of the constancy, dependability and steadiness I lack.  Though He is steadfast, He brings unpredictable events into our lives.  He is constant, yet loves spontaneous action.  Through changes, He remains dependable.

Our year of whimsy actually stems from a book Matthew and I just finished reading.  It is called Love Does, by Bob Goff.  Hands down, one of the best books I’ve ever read.  It drips of unpredictable and crazy stories, steadied by the unflinching action of love behind it all.  It’s one of those books you take everywhere, peruse it at a red light, read excerpts to your friends but end up reading entire chapters instead.  Whimsy can be looked at as being a bit odd.  I often feel this way, doing things a little differently, living my own dream, not wanting to be typical.  Sometimes I feel like a girl wearing a red dress at a black and white party.  But that’s ok, and I know God has different styles of writing our stories.  What I do or don’t do are not intended as judgement on anyone else’s actions.  Things I like or don’t like is not intended to be criticisms for what you may enjoy. What He pens for me will be very different from what He pens for you.  The way we raise our kids, spend our money, and use our time is both based on what the Bible says, and also how the Holy Spirit whispers in our individual ears.

I’ve never been very typical.  I don’t like epidurals, car payments, cable, video games, fast food, or makeup.  I wear clothes I’ve had for ten years, and buy a brand new outfit maybe once a year.  I use pencils until the led is the same size as the eraser.  I don’t know what it’s like to drive a new car or have matching furniture.  I’ve never been to college, and never gotten drunk.  I’m not sure what certain swear words mean.  I empty out my vacuum bags by hand until they fall apart, because I see no need to buy new ones when they get full.  Sometimes we eat expired food, because it’s what we have and it won’t kill us.  I’ve touched African soil and its dirt is ingrained on my soul.  I’ve lived and swum in the Caribbean with sea urchins an inch from my skin.  I’ve kissed and made love to one man alone, and have been captivated again and again by his love and loyalty.  Our bank account has said $.03 balance, and we’ve gotten down on our knees and prayed.  Our account has said $10,000 balance, and we’ve gotten down on our knees and praised.  Twelve times a home has been miraculously provided for our family, at just the perfect time, in just the perfect place.  A few times we have tried to walk the expected road that seems most practical and traveled.  Yet the burdens and turmoil which have met us along the way have never been worth the trying.  It is in the unexpected, less traveled paths where we have found the most peace and joy.  Sometimes we are weary with waiting, tired of hacking through the underbrush.  I raise up my whiny cup of tears and complaint, wishing for an easier way.  The road with no aches, no pains, no oddities, and clear steps from here until eternity.  But the path through the fog is most sure, because the step before me is always as clear as it needs to be.  I’m much more likely to grip the strong hands of the Man in the boat, when the water is rough, than when it is calm.

So I’m looking forward to this year of whimsy.  Full of thankfulness, I pray it brings glory to the Author of my story and Perfecter of my faith.
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