matthew

ER Date

/ amylynw / 2 Comments

Please, God, just let us stay at home tonight, I kept praying.  Matthew went to bed at 8 o’clock, looking feverish and limping into bed.  A two-week-old gash on his leg changed from a sore that looked like it was healing, to an angry, swollen, sore leg.  Infection was swiftly making its home in his blood, taking up residence where it has no right to belong.  So, here we sit in Hallway Bed A.  Emergencies all around us, requiring us to take a hallway bed.

Thank you, Lord for his leg.  In a different century, that might not be.

We see how frail our bodies are.  How quickly a small trip up can lead to more serious consequences.  It was just a wooden box.  It was just a little wound.   How can it wreak such havoc?  One thing leads to another.

We see people we know.  A friend of theirs rushed here by ambulance because of an overdose.  One choice ravages a life.  One thing leads to another.

The red creeps past the black marker.

………………………………………………………………….

It’s been awhile now.  Antibiotics are surging into his bloodstream.  Picking a fight with the nasty bad guys we can’t see.  The red stops creeping.

Fear collides with peace.  We will keep our eyes on You.  

Going home for the rest of the night.  We’ve had fun on our ER date.  It’s been awhile since we had one of those.  Prayers all over the globe were answered on our behalf in a lavished-on grace-full way.  Home tonight.  We eat popcorn in our bed, fully aware that God is good.

We will keep our eyes on You.

World’s Toughest Mudder Experience

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Our tendency is to shy away from pain and discomfort.  This weekend I came face to face with over a thousand people who thought otherwise.  My husband was one of them.  Matthew competed in the World’s Toughest Mudder in New Jersey.  Nadine and I went to support and cheer him on.  If I could recap everything in a couple of words, I would choose: Muddy, Cold, and Stinking Hard.  Willingly, they began a 24-hour race stretching 10 miles, dotted with 32 obstacles.  The goal: get through as many laps as you could in 24-hours.  It started out as quite fun.  Beautiful weather, warm gloves, french fries and treats made our spectator spot quite appealing.

Some friends sent us off with a package of treats which we enjoyed immensely   Another friend mailed me a package with 24 gifts to open at each hour.  We lined them up on the dashboard of our van, and I took a picture of most of them, but once it got dark I put my camera away.  I appreciated the toothbrush and toothpaste for when my mouth got “woolly”, and the glow sticks at 9pm were a great hit.  The handwarmers at midnight were a lifesaver!  Books to pass the time, and other gifts to simply make me smile and take my mind off the shivers.  Thank you! 
Matthew’s “tent” site, without a tent.  Simply a blanket, chair and box of ice-tea and food… everything that wasn’t consumed was frozen solid by night.


My wonderful daughter who kept me company and helped my spirit tremendously throughout the day.

Coming off Everest.  One side they slid down, then on the other side of the lap they had to scale it again.
Our favorite guy.

Once the sun started dipping over the horizon, however, things took quite a different turn.  The temperature dropped so low that everything wet started to freeze.  That basically meant every single surface, since there was mud and water everywhere.  My boots no longer kept my feet warm, and I wondered at the wet sneakers of each runner, and how their toes weren’t falling off.  I won’t give you a breakdown of every hour, but between the hours of 10pm and 1am, I was at my lowest.   The hat and gloves Matthew was wearing didn’t fit him correctly, so he had taken them off,  which later made matters worse.  His hands were so cold.  This was in the back of my mind while Nadine and I warmed ourselves in the van.  She eventually fell asleep and I set off to try to find Matthew since we had lost contact with him for 3 hours.   At midnight I walked the now familiar mile to the 29th obstacle, to see if I could find him.  I did.  He was the best muddy sight I have ever seen.  Holding back my tears, and while my feet froze in my dry boots, I watched him go through icy cold water and then through some electroshock “therapy”.  We walked the last frigid mile together.  When we split up, he told me he would see if he could warm his hands and feet.  I went to our van to close my eyes for a bit, and the next thing I knew, he was knocking on the window, bags in hand.  His body felt physically able to continue, but the cold dominated.  He completed 40 miles total.

I’m so incredibly proud of his determination, his courage to face very difficult situations, his stamina, and his wisdom to know when enough is enough.  I’m so thankful for the people who rallied around us during this weekend.  I’m so thankful that Matthew didn’t suffer any injuries, and that we were able to grow closer to each other through this experience.

Love Letter Home

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Today I am thankful for mail.  It’s amazing, how the ability to communicate more easily has increased, yet the depth of communication is diminishing.  Our little black mailbox has an abundance of white envelopes with shiny plastic windows, almost automatically identifying it as “junk”.  Mail has always been important to me.  I remember sitting around the table in our Africa home, as my dad put us kids to work folding letters and licking stamps by the hundred, before mailing out our prayer letter.  It has always been a part of my life.  I remember writing my own “newsletters” as I grew older, reporting things like the weather and the status of our family pet.  Once my sister, Sherry, and I made a joint newsletter and mailed them all in handmade envelopes made from magazine pages.  This week I got busy making a stack of my own.  I almost felt like she was with me, folding them in front of the fireplace at our old house, giddy with excitement over how people would love the surprise of such a colorful envelope in their mailbox.

Matthew and I used to write to each other all the time.  Before email, before texting, I got the kind of mail that made my heart skip a beat when I saw the handwriting.  This week my heart has skipped a lot of beats.  Matthew has taken the time to write me every day and surprised me with real deal mail.  Stamp, envelope, everything.  No return address, because it would just arrive home anyway.  Each letter has blessed me in unspeakable ways.  I love my husband more than ever.  I’m so thankful for the time he takes to treasure my heart.

Another Day in The Life

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

It’s pretty awesome when it’s been a few months since something like this has happened, and then it happens when I least expect it.  Let’s just say I love surprises.  Matthew called me to say that I had to be ready to go out with him at 5:30 tonight.  “Wear work-out clothes, but bring something to change into as well.”  Oh boy.  That is what happens when you go on dates with a personal trainer.  SO, thanks to our amazing friend and pastor, Jon, who watched our kids, Matthew and I took off for an evening of fun.  I fought the urge to get grumpy about part A of our date.  We went to the cross-fit gym and my nerves stopped fidgeting once I got moving.  It was hard not to think about anything other than my shaking legs and the uncomfortably close feeling of about to puke.  But, like everyone said, after finishing I felt great.  It was also pretty cute seeing Matthew’s beaming face when I was all done.  Afterwards we grabbed something to eat and enjoyed some uninterrupted conversation.

That, coupled with another sweet friend bringing us dinner, made up for the especially tiring morning  I had.  After we finished school, I  finally caved and went to the grocery store.  It is pretty bad when the kids are eating graham crackers for breakfast… and lunch.  Despite low blood-sugar levels, everyone was especially energetic it seemed.   We were one of those families today at the store.  The boys were ninjas who were hungry for everything they saw and pretended to consume each item on every shelf.  Then somewhere between when I was paying attention and when I was reading labels on shampoo bottles, Nadine had been chasing Betty down the aisle and fell and skinned her knee on the linoleum floor.  It’s pretty hard to skin your knee on linoleum.  She started crying and saying she broke her knee, and the next thing I knew, there were people around us and someone fetched us bandaids.   She hobbled her way around the rest of the way, but it just seemed to fit the category of crazy-things-that-rarely-happen-while-you’re-shopping.

We also had to go to the dentist to get some cavities filled, (thank you, Grandma for your help!) which added another dose of real-life excitement to our day.  Tucked in there were our everyday messes and tears,

 

along with sweet moments and smiles.

Tomorrow we head to the shore.  Hopefully this time we won’t be plagued with the throw-up bug!  I am really looking forward to no agenda but family.  I was planning on packing tonight, but since I got whisked away by my lover-boy, it can all wait until tomorrow.  Good night.

What Really Happened

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Out of all the comments posted, trying to figure out why we were laughing so hard in these pictures, only one person was close to being correct.  Indeed, there was some bathing suit slippage going on for my dear husband.  The poor guy is still wearing the same bathing suit he wore on our honeymoon, over ten years ago.  Let’s just say, it’s lived a good life.

In order to keep it up, he figured out that by handily hooking the elastic band around his neck, it effectively kept up his suit.  He’s a handy guy!

There.  Now your curiosity is abated.  I hope you get a good laugh.  We sure did!  Now I think it’s officially time for some new drawers.

The Quality of Endurance

/ amylynw / 4 Comments

Twenty-three minutes later, I’m drenched in sweat.  My second cross-fit workout is in the books.  My new coach, long-time friend, and husband of ten years, is planning out daily workouts for me to do.  I was terrified of the burpees, but did all 45 of them, in addition to the other things on my list.  I was afraid of what people would think when they saw a crazed mother in a bright orange shirt, running around the block yet again.  But I did it anyway, and it feels good… now.

That wasn’t the only tough thing to swallow today.  This morning Matthew went to his ENT doctor to see what’s going on inside his ears and nose.  He’s been having a wicked ear infection, related to the other issues in his sinuses, brought about by Wegener’s disease.  The news wasn’t exactly good.  For a few years he’s had a hole in his septum, which has stayed the same, never getting worse.  Today, however, the doc said it is considerably bigger, and Matthew will be needing reconstructive surgery within the year to repair the damage.  What this looks like, exactly, we don’t know yet.  He said they will probably use a part of his rib!  It is all a lot of new stuff to take in and think about.  We have had our tears.  Not necessarily tears of discouragement, as much as feeling worn out with it all.  It’s like a race that you know isn’t over, but this particular loop is just super tiring.  More medicine.  More surgery.  No improvement.  It’s a vicious cycle.  It’s amazing how such a tiny part of his body can literally be eating away at itself, even though the rest of his body is in excellent physical shape.

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  These muscles in my body don’t have a chance at growing unless they are put under some serious pain and suffering.  I will never endure more than a walk around the block unless I subject myself to two blocks, and then more.  In the same way, when our faith is tested, our endurance to hold on, grows.  Our Heavenly Father is not just concerned with the end result.  He’s very in tune with the process of getting there.  A process which doesn’t always make sense to us.  But we trust Him and do another set of burpees, so to speak.  Because we want to be like Jesus.  He set the example very high, of what true endurance through trial is like.  He trusted His Father, and so must we.  As we relax into His strong arms, there is little room for anger.

As Matthew prayed today, “We are not children of a poor man.”  No, our God is very rich.  Tonight we choose to believe His promises, and we choose to sing:

…Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
10,000 reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship his holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I worship your holy name

(-Matt Redman, 10,000 Reasons)

 

Seventy-Four Miles

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

Today was seeped in tears and thick emotion.  A let down, I suppose, of the hefty weekend.  My tears were last night.  The kids’ were today.

I really, really hope that people realize that when I admit to feeling sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc. (normal human emotions) this does not equate that I hate my life, my circumstances, nor wish things upon myself that can not be.  I truly love my life.  But I am not always happy, cheerful, well-groomed (stop by today and you’ll see!), nor eager.  This weekend tested my every last bit of endurance.  As I hugged Matthew last night, though, I was sincere as I whispered, “I would do it again tomorrow if I could.”  I love and support my husband and we’re a team.

The race started with an ok sleep the night before (not good, when you’re anticipating being up for the next 24 hours).  The morning unfolded with a leisurely cup of hot tea and yummy breakfast outside Lloyd Hall on Boathouse Row in Philadelphia.  The rain was coming down since 4am, which added an aspect of dreariness and well, dampness..  We really didn’t prepare for rain.  But, at 10AM the shout was given, and the 24-hour race commenced.

Matthew looked good for the first 16 miles before hitting an unexpected early wall.  It took another 16+ miles of climbing to get over it, and finally by the afternoon he was feeling much better.  The rain stopped.  Things looked sunny.  After puddle-running for most of the day, his feet were complete prunes, so he switched shoes and clothes and then kept going.

Around 1AM things got worse when I offered to run with him and couldn’t keep up.  We’ve hashed through this now, so I can write about it.  I truly thought he needed someone with him,  and he didn’t know how to gently say that I would hold him back.  So I ran the 8th loop.  Sort of.  Actually, I had not run 8 miles since his race last year.  It messed with his concentration, as he felt the need to take care of the one who was supposed to be taking care of him.  On the next, the ninth loop, things went from bad to worse.  Two miles from the finish line a biker patrol found him sitting down, and since he was a bit slow to respond, called in to the medics who called in to me.  We met at the medical tent where he was fine, just exhausted.  By the time he had checked out fine with the doc, his mental game was toast and his body just started to shut down.  It’s amazing how far your body can push when your mind is still telling it that it’s fine to keep going.  Once that voice clicks off, the body literally stops.  It believes the words, “I can’t,” unless they’re not uttered.

So, around 4AM, he had run 74 miles and was finished.  It is mind-blowing, really.  I drove 74 miles last week.  The disappointment came from not finishing 100+miles, and stopping before 24-hours.  It was a hard hit for both of us.  I am so proud of him.  We could have let a root of bitterness build up between us.  I could blame myself and so could he, but we both chose to move on, learn, and grow from this experience.  He inspires me and so many others with his determination, drive, and seemingly crazy goals.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Running Through The Night and More

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

After my last weepy post, I have been blessed by the hugs, reassurances, and reminders of faithful friends all around me.  It is difficult for me to know the balance between honesty and what could come across as, “Pity me, please,” that is so often inundating our lives… or walls.  It is my true hope that I can be real both in life and in writing.  That what you see is what you get.  I have daily struggles, and validating that fact is better than ignoring them.  I want to convey a well-balanced story of my heart and life, without being depressing or making one cock their head and wonder if everything is always perfect.  My life is an open book, and I hope I can be courageous enough to show you not only the beautiful parts of it, but also the difficult and sometimes ugly.  Ultimately, everything points to Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith.

This week has been full of spring-time activities.  A long-anticipated visit from an old friend.  Night-time talks on the front porch.  Roses from our garden in full bloom.  Putting a bathing suit on Betty for the first time.

Strawberry picking with the kids.

The boys decked themselves out the other day in this fashion.  Paperclips in their ears, gaudy jewelry, and the usual bling all over Jack.  They love to be tough and strong.  They can also be so gentle and loving.  I am constantly amazed by this sweet balance that both they and their Daddy possess.

Speaking of Matthew… he took me on a date Friday night.  We enjoyed live music at Burlap & Bean, with some delicious coffee and tea.  We had some much-needed time to reconnect and pray together.

Tonight he is running through most of the night in preparation for his ultra-marathon next month.  We will be posting more details about it soon.  I plan on interviewing him myself to answer the many questions poised his way.  In fact, if you have any questions about his goal of running 100 miles in 24 hours, please post them in the comments, and I’ll be sure to add them to the interview!

God painted a beautiful rainbow this evening.  I ran outside in the rain with a cardboard box on my head, squealing at the sight.  I always try to imagine I’m Noah, seeing a rainbow for the first time.  It always works, and I’m amazed every time.  God’s promises will never ever fail.

Slimy Breakfast

/ amylynw / 2 Comments

This morning I ate something I’ve never tried before, but read much about.  Odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid… well, they actually expand in liquid.  Poured into some mango juice, they were completely palatable.  Chia seeds.  Yum.  Really, not that bad.  I’ll let you know if I notice increased or at least sustained energy!  We have been walking down quite a unique road for the past three weeks.  White flour is being replaced by the different colors, shapes and sizes of seeds and grains.  Matt has been eating gluten-free, raw, whole foods with an occassional vegan cooked meal thrown in there.  I’m slower to get on the band wagon.  Old haunts call my name from the cupboards that are slowly being emptied of food that has become normal to me.  A new normal is taking their place.  I’m excited but nervous.  Why I should be nervous to embrace a lifestyle that guarantees more health benefits?  I guess because change brings out this hidden fear inside most of us.  There is also a huge learning curve as I sprout and dehydrate different concoctions to make bread that he can eat.  The reasoning behind all this change is really just a culmination of seven years of being plagued by Wegener’s Disease.  Seven years of unsuccessful and expensive medicine, surgeries, and relapses.  We’re determined to give God a chance to heal Matthew by using the things He has already created.  He is able!