thankfulness

Giving Thanks for Twenty-Seven, Road Trips and Scavenger Hunts

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

Thanksgiving weekend began with our Weldon family gathering.  Turkey vegetable tray, dangly earrings, a crackling fire, and games highlighted our time together.  We even managed to pull off a paleo thanksgiving breakfast, complete with monkey bread!
November 2013
Next, we took off for New York.  With new tires on the van and every inch packed to the gills, sipping joy tea, we listened to a Thanksgiving history audio book from my dad and enjoyed an almost completely argument-free drive up North.  It was delightful!
2013-11-28 14.16.12
We were welcomed by a happy sign:
2013-11-28 20.14.56

 

 

The highlight of our time together was the Mall Scavenger Hunt we did one day.  We divided into four teams, according to birth.  Various items on the list to find were: “something that smells good, the largest bug, and someone doing the best karate move.”  We also had to “plank” as a team and find Grandma and Grandpa who were wandering around the mall.  The team who found them first got… the honor of finding them first.  As leader of the 3rd-borns, I’d like to acknowledge we found them first.  We had one hour to scavenge the mall.  The creativity started flowing.
There were the firstborns:
Aaron's pictures
The second-borns:
Beck's pictures
The third-borns:
Sherry's pictures1
The fourth-borns (and Betty):
Sherry's pictures
Besides the fun of the scavenger hunt, the daddies took almost all the kids ice-skating, and we enjoyed snow, games, and many delicious meals together.
November 20131
Our entire family:
IMG_6387-2
At the beginning of November, my dad reminded us of the news we received as a family twenty-two years ago: Get one small bag packed with all that you treasure the most.  Get ready to evacuate Nyankunde tomorrow!  As a girl of almost twelve, this was an exciting adventure.  It didn’t turn out how I imagined, however.  Our “quick” trip back to the United States turned into permanent.  It’s hard to imagine how twenty-two years later, our family of six has grown into a family of twenty-seven, with another on the way!  (My sister, not me!)  God has richly blessed us with a family who loves each other, drives great distances to be with each other, and children who think their other cousins are the absolute bomb-diggity!  I couldn’t be more thankful.

Forever Young

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Once in a while I am privy to the children’s imaginary games.  The other day Elsie was blocking the kitchen doorway so Jack couldn’t enter.  Apparently, there was certain criteria for one to enter the kitchen.  She began the interrogation:
How old are you?
One-hundred.
Do you have any children?
Yes.
Where is your mother?
At home.
And finally, the kicker.  The most important requirement for entering the kitchen: Do you have a grandma?
Yes.
You may pass through.

The other night they requested classical music and danced ball-room style.  They carefully choreographed the swing and spin.  It was fabulous.  DSC_7543
DSC_7585-2
When they were looking through old photo albums, both received major brownie points for their observations.
Mom, you  look so young now, said Jack.
She’s always young, Elsie countered, making my heart feel forever young.
  Betty also has her own specific interpretive dance.  First, with Elephant:
DSC_7499
Next, she likes to close her eyes… almost… and squint while her hands slowly raise into the air and she spins very slowly and purposefully.  A little toe raise here and there for good effect.DSC_7600-2 DSC_7604
DSC_7603-3
Then, when the audience starts to touch the rug one too many times, the entire dance is ruined and little ballerina melts into her own arms.DSC_7610
Everyone has been enjoying the new snow.  There have been snowmen and sledding galore!
DSC_7649

DSC_7660

We had a marvelous Thanksgiving weekend with Matthew’s family, and then in New York with my entire family.  There were cousins, fun, and… of course, Grandmas.  I’ll save those pictures for another post soon.  I’ve been secretly working on surprises which have taken every waking minute.  And even when I have things to make and things to finish, somehow people still get hungry around here and their clothes still get dirty.  As I speak, the pizza is out of the oven, and we are ready to eat while the snow falls outside.

Where Opossums Sleep and Cars Melt

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

I love to write.  Today, however, is best left unwritten.  This Veteran’s Day, I fought my own battles and waged my own war, along with my small army of five.  We came out victorious in the end, but sometimes the process is painful at best.  The past weekend was rough.  I woke up with a blazing fever on Saturday morning, tried my best to mother from bed, while the kids brought me water, cool cloths, and warm rice bags for my freezing cold feet.  Matthew was gone, and it was a sad and strange weekend.  Both sets of grandparents were gracious to lend their hands to help with the kids so I could sweat and sleep in quiet.  Thank you, guys… words aren’t enough.

Sickness, an opossum in the trashcan, and ornery computers all fall into my “No thank you” category of life.  
 November 2013
When I focus on the misspellings, the bickering, the grime, and the general imperfectness of life… I end up just like a little wet rain cloud.  It’s not cute.  This is why I must write, because when I write, I remember.  I remember: I love you, Mom, scrawled across the chalkboard… when it felt like the opposite was true.  Someone finally nailing multiplication tables.  Five wild munchkins voluntarily starting a game of hide-and-go-seek at the magic hour of hunger, while I finish cooking supper.  A surprise cleaning of the bathroom without being asked.  An entire day of clean bedrooms.  Supper altogether.
November 20131
In our one-room-school-house, learning doesn’t always involve the books.  After the boys presented a reasonable-sounding argument as to why I should allow them to melt a few “useless” cars with the heat gun, I obliged.  They showed care and it kept them busy for almost an hour.
November 20132
While the boys melted cars, the girls enjoyed playing with shapes.  I love what a dollar can buy in a thrift store!

My favorite thing last week in school had to be Jack’s letter he wrote to our friend in basic training.  I knew in his mind he was thinking: Thank you for defending our country, but he wrote: Thank you for saving our city.  I absolutely love it.  He even told me today that he loves to write.
2013-11-08 10.16.58
Those words made my heart soar, because loving to write isn’t forced, it’s born.  Every once in a while, I get to witness the miracle of new discoveries being born in the hearts and minds of our children.  It’s worth all the labor and gives me fresh perspective to press on for another day.

 

Wednesday Painted Blue

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

Today is Wednesday.  Which is usually my Monday, as far as feelings, attitudes,and energy, goes.  The sound of temper tantrums filled our home, too many times to count, making its small-ish size feel extra tight.  I never knew sound could fill up space, but apparently it does.  That sent me to pulling things out of clothes bins and into white trash bags.  A word of warning from this mama:  If you have more sweaters than fit into your 13×13 bin, then I will purge them from you.  That goes for your pants, shirts, and shoes too.  I have never once experienced anyone “wishing” they had something I gave away because I never saw them wear or enjoy it.  I have pack-rat tendencies, so when I sense the urge to hoard coming on in me or my kids, I go a little purge-crazy.  We have strict laws here as far as holding onto stuff.  One small filing cabinet drawer easily fits all the papers we need for 7 people for the past 12 years.  I am working very hard at making sure everything has a place, and if that thing doesn’t fit in its place, it goes bye-bye.  I digress.

So, after my crazy clothing rampage, school began in earnest.  There were tears and tantrums twice during one hour.  The bathroom, being the only door that locks around here, is my favorite place to hide when the tears need to flow and I need the sunshine to wash my face.  I also make important phone calls to the principal in there, and tell God how I don’t think I can do this anymore.  Wednesday blues.

Then we had to do errands, complete with tears.  I wonder at the source, and how it never runs dry.  Three hours later, we came home.  I was not met with the delicious smell I anticipated when walking in the door.  My crock-pot dinner, which I worked so hard to be ready so at least ONE thing would go right… was cold.  Some little fingers unplugged it for the toaster’s place, just before we left, and I never was the wiser.

Spills, blood, bites, stabs, falls, bangs and bruises have all been painted a different shade of blue across my day.  But there was also an incredible sky painted today, which I love how Jack noticed all on his own.  Clouds like stretched cotton, with a few three-dimensional puffs thrown in for good measure.  There are also rainbows of trees, some burning, some glowing, some merely pronouncing God’s handiwork.  They touch the blue and instantly cold and warm colors collide into a torrent of glory.

For the first time in fifteen hours, I only hear the clock ticking, with faint sounds of children playing.  I used to have so much quiet in my life.  Now my quiet is usually accompanied by sleep.  Sitting on the sun-streaked bathroom floor, I was reminded not to constantly seek escape from my life, but rather embrace it.  Straight on, hands open, arms wide, head up: embrace the noise, the questions, the messes, the tears.  Take breaks, but don’t run away.  There is one inch of tea left in this glorious break.  My soul, only painted blue, is starting to burn a little bit of warm.  I am starting to feel like those trees on fire, and I’m ready to add some color to Mon-nes-day, and call it Wednesday.

2013-11-06 13.58.48

Oscopy, Ontology, Bananafanafofology

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Today was a great day to be in the city.  I ran back and forth from the medical building to the parking lot to add more money to the meter, as the doctor’s appointment got longer and longer.  A “quick” consult with the ENT surgeon led to seeing yet another specialist at Jefferson hospital in Philly.  The first doctor didn’t like what he saw in the subglottic region of Matthew’s windpipe.  The second doctor videotaped his way down Matthew’s throat and explained what we were looking at:

See here and here?  Those are your vocal chords.  They are supposed to be white, not bright red like that.  Down beyond this area is where you are having swelling, and which makes it hard for you to breathe.  It was fascinating.  Like our friend (who is a speech-language pathologist) described his vocal chords, they looked like a butterfly flapping its wings… except this butterfly shouldn’t be red.  The real problem lies just under the voice box, and we discussed what our next step needs to be.  As the Wegener’s runs its course, it acts somewhat like a roller-coaster: flaring up and then getting back under control.  We are hopeful to be on the downward slope right now.

As long as things don’t flare way back up, he is scheduled for a bronchoscopy in four weeks in order to closely examine the extent of the subglottic stenosis and to perform a balloon dilation of his stenotic area.  Basically, opening up his airway ever so little and hoping this small dilation will remain open… then doing it again a few weeks later if his body handles it well.  He explained it as a two steps forward and one step back operation.  He will also be seeing an otologist about his ears… which have some problems again.

As crazy as it is to keep all the doctors in order, we are so incredibly thankful to have access to these remarkable specialists.  We are thankful his eye tubes have still held up and look good a couple of years after that surgery.  We are thankful for people who have joyfully watched our children so we can go to all these appointments and for kids who come home and report having “the best day ever!”  We are thankful for being forced to slow down and recognize what is truly important.  It isn’t our car, our house, our clothes, or our status.  It is our breath, our relationships, our time and how we use it.  We know we belong to the God of the universe, the God who sees.  We don’t know when our last breath will be, but we know when it ends on this earth, our life truly begins.  Until that day, we want every moment to count.

DSC_6231-003
Flapper girl with my motorcycle man last night.

A Whole Lot of Simple

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

This is a guest post I wrote for my friend, Jessica, and was featured on her blog today.  Check out her creative ideas and beautiful photography!

Dear New Mama,

I used to think I knew what being a mom was all about.  Eleven years ago, we held our firstborn baby: a beautiful girl who weighed a mere 6lbs 3oz, but whose spirit more than made up for her size.  Deep within her heart there has always been a spark.  It lights up when she sees you, and her heart wraps around life like a hug.  More experienced mamas always told me to “enjoy every moment” because they pass so quickly.  I believe them now, as I stand eye-to-eye with my curly-haired beauty of a daughter and discuss things like marriage, boys, friendships, and other adult-like topics.  I’m reminded of it when I root around in her drawer to borrow one of her shirts, or when she grabs my sneakers as we head out the door.  I’m reminded of how fast time flies, but I’ll also never forget those first few months.

She was about a week old when God gave my husband an epiphany.  This revelation truly changed how I have viewed motherhood the past eleven years.  We were visiting my sister and brother-in-law, and the first night there our little peanut of a daughter just wouldn’t stop crying.  She wore little grey footie pajamas with a trapdoor covering its bottom.  She was beyond cute.  But she wouldn’t stop crying.  I nursed her, rocked her, and the tears fell from my exhausted eyes.  Eventually, I handed her off to Matthew and told him how I couldn’t do it anymore.  This mom stuff just was beyond my ability.  I was angry, confused, and tired.  That night God spoke to him.

He said, She’s not trying to upset you.  Just love her.  Here I was, thinking this one-week-old little baby was on a mission: Upset Mom.  She had no more of an agenda to make me angry than I had to give birth again.  Yet I viewed her wailing as a personal vendetta against me for something I had done.  Frustrated, I expected her to know how much I needed to sleep and stop crying.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that my second epiphany came.  It was more like a bullet shot straight at me, knocking me over with its force.  We were driving home from somewhere and my husband told me flat-out how he didn’t think I liked being a mom.  My attitude and actions showed a shoving away, a pushing aside of what I was called to be and do.  I couldn’t have verbalized it as succinctly as he did.  Most likely I would have labeled my behavior as “exhausted mommy syndrome”.  When I let myself in on my own secret, however, I knew he was right.  I didn’t like being a mom.  I wanted to be just ME again.  No strings attached at my hips, my tummy, my breasts, my hands, my shoulders.  I was so tired of being needed every minute of every day.  I had bought into the lie that children are inconvenient and draining me of my very life.

There are many chapters to be written from that moment to today, but I want you to know how raw and real motherhood is.  It’s way more than a baby registry, leggings, and wall decals.  It’s more complicated than a birth plan or a nursery theme.  Yet it’s as simple as a bedtime story, a back-rub and knowing your child’s favorite color.  It’s not about the jogging stroller you use, it’s about the time you spend with your children.  It’s not about whether or not your tummy goes back to its original shape and size.  It’s more about tickle fights and soothing scary dreams.  Motherhood isn’t about you as much as it’s about who needs you.  Your worth isn’t found in how you measure up to anyone else, it’s in how much you love.  You will be depleted and exhausted to your very core, and then you will be filled up again and again with a love as strong as death.  All the tough answers won’t be found in textbooks or parenting seminars, but rather in your child’s heart as you get to know them.

By the time our fifth baby bettered this world by her arrival, I was given yet another epiphany.  It was almost too simple of a thing not to have realized yet.  It dawned on me that the best possible way to enjoy the fleeting months of babyhood was to actually hold onto my baby.  Not put her in something across from me, next to me, or in a different room than me.  I held that sweet baby girl more than I ever held anyone.  Not to say she never went to her bed or into a highchair, but I wasn’t so quick to use those things when I “got tired” of being needed.  Heaven knows I get tired of being needed.  But it’s not about me as much as it is about embracing how much they need me.

There is no such thing as a Supermom.  There aren’t any secret capes to pin onto your exhausted shoulders.  There aren’t any magic pills to swallow or programs to complete.  Supermoms have everything together, and I’ve never met one yet.  But there are moms whose kids hug them just because they know they won’t be pushed away.  There are moms whose quality of life isn’t reflected in how pristine and organized her home is, but rather in how obviously used and loved her home is.  There are moms who are secretly awesome.  If your biggest fans are the faces who sit at the dinner table with you each day, then you are a super mom.  If you love your children unconditionally, then you are a super mom.  If who you are isn’t defined by how well you do things, then you are a super mom.  If you allow yourself the grace of being imperfect, then you are a super mom.  If you know how to say I’m sorry, then you are a super mom.

On the days when it’s hard, remember they are not out to get you.  On the days you just want out of this job, hold them a little closer.  On the days you’re running on empty, give just a little bit more. Children weren’t made to drain us of our life, but rather to enrich our life.  I challenge you to be present more than perfect.  I encourage you to love them right where they are today and not to wish away each and every stage of life for the next.  It’s time to bury our selfish sleep-loving selves and give it everything we’ve got.

I used to think being a mom meant having a baby.  Now I know it means a whole lot of simple, blended with the Divine, making the mundane beautiful.  Welcoming your child into your family is what gives you the title, but it’s the everyday inglorious things which really shape you into a mother.

DSC_3112-001

Everything New Today, or ENT

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

As usual, this week has passed about as quickly as the wind that whips my hair through the open windows of the car.  This phone dump is a smattering of what has blown through this week:

My life, in our van, is always noisy.  I admit, I’m jealous of folks who say their kids get sleepy in the car.  Ours tend to go a bit wild.  They tell jokes, do anything and everything to annoy their neighbor, cry, sing, tattle, and do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.  I experienced an almost-flat tire last Saturday.  When I drove into the gas station to check it out, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet when a very nice man started to pump up my visibly flat tire.  Turns out there was a screw in there, and was easily fixed later.

A city date with friends did my claustrophobic mommy-heart good.  There are some days when the walls of home and car seem very tight, and the expanse of the city line eases the life-is-closing-in-feeling.  We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant which served stellar samosas, delicious dinner and the most amazing coffee I’ve ever had.  It was so good, that I tried my hand at cooking it at home, with great success and happiness.

Another highlight was our 10-10 at 10:10 date to get Elsie’s cast off her arm!  With a clean bill of health, she is back to speeding across monkey bars.

This week it was an honor seeing my 4th and 5th grade teacher from when I lived in Africa.  When time telescopes like this, I shake my head in wonder at how I have such clear memories of when I was as old as two of my children.

October 20134

Other highlights include the fact that I need reading glasses.

DSC_5835

Yesterday, two of my accessory-loving children got into my closet.  It was a much-needed diversion from school.

2013-10-018

Then somehow the outfit helped Jack get through the rest of his work a little easier.

2013-10-16

Cooking is on an upswing for me, after a long bout in non-inspiration land.

DSC_5832-001

Matthew visited the ENT this week and found out he has a yeast infection in his throat, so he’s on medicine for that now.  His voice continues to be hoarse and he’s trying to rest it as much as possible.  Otherwise, he feels well.  In the next couple of weeks he needs to meet up with the plastic surgeon who did the surgery on his eyes a couple of years ago.  We will need to set up a long-term game plan for possible future reconstructive surgery of his sinus area.   The bridge of his nose is collapsing, and before a situation might become emergent, we need to figure out some possible courses of action.  We would love to stop the medical dates, trips to the pharmacy, and be immune to disease.  Yet, we know Jesus more through trial than through ease.  We grow when the weight is heavy, not light.  This temporary home loses much of its charm when it’s full of trouble, and our heavenly home grows more beautiful.  Knowing every situation is allowed by God who knows and loves us more deeply than we’ll ever understand, gives comfort and peace beyond explanation.  One day ENT will have a new meaning for us: that day when Jesus makes everything new.  Everything New Today… might be today!

 

Loads Of Fun: Laundry Room Makeover

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

It all started back in April.  I asked for a bigger laundry room, and my smiling husband began the “weekend” project of extending the laundry room and shrinking the powder room.  It has taken… well, a few weekends.  It is finished, minus a new window which is on its way, and a touch-up here and there.  The powder room only has a few more pieces of moulding and a paint job before it is finished.  Here is a look at the before and after pictures.

October 20133 DSC_5697-001

The shelves are from Ikea.  The baskets are from Target.  The moringa tree is from Haiti.  The floor was free from a job Matt did almost 8 years ago.  It has moved with us and finally found a nice home in the bathroom and laundry room.  There were only five extra tiles left over.  How is that for perfect fit?  The trim work was done by Weldon Carpentry.  The wall paint was free-cycled and turned out to be the perfect shade.

Each of the four youngest children have five baskets.  From Left to Right they hold: 1-Snowsuits/hats/gloves in winter, swimsuits and towels in summer.  2-Sweaters/sweatshirts.  3-Shirts.  4-Pants/shorts.  5-PJ’s, underwear, and socks.  The top five shelves hold my rag basket, vacuum bags, Matthew’s running clothes and gear, gardening gloves and seeds, and tablecloths.

DSC_5701-001

I am so very thankful for a laundry room and am thrilled to keep our family clean and clothed!

 

Veggie Ice-Cream

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Some days what is true just doesn’t match up with what I’m feeling.  For instance: I am so in love with my children, and think they are the best.  However, sometimes circumstances cause something inside me to go “snap!”  Like when a voice goes above a certain decibel, or when someone decides to shoot a nerf bullet at someone else’s eye right at bedtime.  I don’t feel the love when someone leaves the freezer just slightly open right before we head out the door, and I find out a few hours later.  My feelings are pretty much the opposite of warm and fuzzy when puddles of special ice-cream have melted into the peas and corn.  My feelings are a simmering pot of hot water when the dairy/veggie mush leads to an entire deep cleaning of the refrigerator and freezer.  I am thankful I can go grocery shopping.  But sometimes dragging five kids in the rain to my least favorite store makes my blood start a slow and steady boil.  I have never had to do this before, but when one of my unnamed children decided to throw their flip-flop as high as they could in the middle of aisle seven, this mama had to climb the shelves like a ladder and pull it out from between the bags of flour on the top shelf.  Excuse me if I step on your groceries.

I love being a mom, but there are times I don’t feel it.

The truth is, I am so incredibly thankful for our home.  Yet sometimes my emotions start dictating thoughts of discontent over the color of my walls or the state of my sofa.  Right now, our laundry room is being refinished.  The floor is gorgeous.  Soon the rest will be as well.
2013-10-03 13.57.50
Until it is finished, I am living out the book, “It Could Always Be Worse”.  If I thought my kitchen felt tight or crowded, a good solution is to bring the washer, dryer, linens, and a dresser in to join the chaos.  Now I am cooking and canning while maneuvering around a dresser.  I plop the kids wherever there is a clean corner of the table, which juts out into the middle of the kitchen.  I have to crawl under the table to fetch the parchment paper or griddle.  The laundry is quickly piling up, because when there is an average of ten dirty outfits a day (factoring in boys), going on a week without a washer, works out to be about seventy outfits needing to be laundered.  It could always be worse.
2013-10-01 21.30.27
So since the kitchen is a mess, we celebrated Nadine’s birthday at Hibachi.  Their faces say it all:
2013-10-06 15.12.20
I am so thankful truth is not based on feelings.  I’m also thankful for rescued flip-flops, clean freezers, and laundry-free days.

Eyes Open To Beautiful

/ amylynw / Leave a comment

Things I’ve been loving about our children:

When Jack wraps his arms around me just because.  When he tells stories, his voice gets deeper and he sounds like a little man weaving a tale of seriousness.  I love that he is brave enough and has the imagination wide enough to wear a cowboy hat for an entire day all throughout the city of Philadelphia.  2013-09-27 16.42.01

I love how his trusty sidekick wears a pink cast and also a swell hat.  I also love that by the time we got home, he had transformed into “Bill” and talked in a cowboy accent and enjoyed his “cowboy soup” for supper.
2013-09-27 10.01.16

2013-09-27 15.57.46 

I love how they make celebrities out of ordinary people.  Like the other day when Jack and Elsie took their mini white erase boards to our next-door neighbor and asked him to please sign his name.  They got so excited when he did so, and didn’t erase their boards for the rest of the day.

Betty is so verbal and polite.  On Friday we went with some friends on the train to the Franklin Institute.  When we got off the train, she said, Thank you for the train, Mommy!  After walking through the giant heart, she ran up to me and said, That was amazing!  My heart is amazing!  Unbelievable.DSC_4693-001

DSC_4702-001

2013-09-261
Jack discovering how polymers work… relieved when the cup of water did NOT dump onto his head!2013-09-26
Nadine did a great job blowing up a balloon!

At the end of the extremely fun day, things melted down on the train ride home.  My friend got this great picture of how things REALLY looked those last few minutes.  Tired mommies, tired kiddos.
 2013-09-27 18.01.57
The next morning Betty’s sweet thankful heart was back again after a good night’s rest and she told me:  Thank you for the eggs and bacon, Mommy.  I’m going to wash my hands.  I’m going to do it myself.    And proceeded to do so.  She is somewhat of a self-acclaimed vegetarian, but she loves bacon!

A couple of weeks of school have finished and I’m thrilled they are still smiling!  We even have ninjas who sometimes attend.  Elsie wrote everything on her board all by herself.  The last line is my favorite, translated: I love God as well.
2013-09-25
My fifth student helped me chop a ton of peppers to freeze for the winter.  Sometimes she can be very serious about her work, but she is always a really cute and helpful chef!
2013-09-27

There are always things I am learning and loving about our children.  I always want my eyes to be wide open to the beautiful, amongst the mess and flurry that is life.