whimsy

Forever Young

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Once in a while I am privy to the children’s imaginary games.  The other day Elsie was blocking the kitchen doorway so Jack couldn’t enter.  Apparently, there was certain criteria for one to enter the kitchen.  She began the interrogation:
How old are you?
One-hundred.
Do you have any children?
Yes.
Where is your mother?
At home.
And finally, the kicker.  The most important requirement for entering the kitchen: Do you have a grandma?
Yes.
You may pass through.

The other night they requested classical music and danced ball-room style.  They carefully choreographed the swing and spin.  It was fabulous.  DSC_7543
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When they were looking through old photo albums, both received major brownie points for their observations.
Mom, you  look so young now, said Jack.
She’s always young, Elsie countered, making my heart feel forever young.
  Betty also has her own specific interpretive dance.  First, with Elephant:
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Next, she likes to close her eyes… almost… and squint while her hands slowly raise into the air and she spins very slowly and purposefully.  A little toe raise here and there for good effect.DSC_7600-2 DSC_7604
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Then, when the audience starts to touch the rug one too many times, the entire dance is ruined and little ballerina melts into her own arms.DSC_7610
Everyone has been enjoying the new snow.  There have been snowmen and sledding galore!
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We had a marvelous Thanksgiving weekend with Matthew’s family, and then in New York with my entire family.  There were cousins, fun, and… of course, Grandmas.  I’ll save those pictures for another post soon.  I’ve been secretly working on surprises which have taken every waking minute.  And even when I have things to make and things to finish, somehow people still get hungry around here and their clothes still get dirty.  As I speak, the pizza is out of the oven, and we are ready to eat while the snow falls outside.

Where Opossums Sleep and Cars Melt

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I love to write.  Today, however, is best left unwritten.  This Veteran’s Day, I fought my own battles and waged my own war, along with my small army of five.  We came out victorious in the end, but sometimes the process is painful at best.  The past weekend was rough.  I woke up with a blazing fever on Saturday morning, tried my best to mother from bed, while the kids brought me water, cool cloths, and warm rice bags for my freezing cold feet.  Matthew was gone, and it was a sad and strange weekend.  Both sets of grandparents were gracious to lend their hands to help with the kids so I could sweat and sleep in quiet.  Thank you, guys… words aren’t enough.

Sickness, an opossum in the trashcan, and ornery computers all fall into my “No thank you” category of life.  
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When I focus on the misspellings, the bickering, the grime, and the general imperfectness of life… I end up just like a little wet rain cloud.  It’s not cute.  This is why I must write, because when I write, I remember.  I remember: I love you, Mom, scrawled across the chalkboard… when it felt like the opposite was true.  Someone finally nailing multiplication tables.  Five wild munchkins voluntarily starting a game of hide-and-go-seek at the magic hour of hunger, while I finish cooking supper.  A surprise cleaning of the bathroom without being asked.  An entire day of clean bedrooms.  Supper altogether.
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In our one-room-school-house, learning doesn’t always involve the books.  After the boys presented a reasonable-sounding argument as to why I should allow them to melt a few “useless” cars with the heat gun, I obliged.  They showed care and it kept them busy for almost an hour.
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While the boys melted cars, the girls enjoyed playing with shapes.  I love what a dollar can buy in a thrift store!

My favorite thing last week in school had to be Jack’s letter he wrote to our friend in basic training.  I knew in his mind he was thinking: Thank you for defending our country, but he wrote: Thank you for saving our city.  I absolutely love it.  He even told me today that he loves to write.
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Those words made my heart soar, because loving to write isn’t forced, it’s born.  Every once in a while, I get to witness the miracle of new discoveries being born in the hearts and minds of our children.  It’s worth all the labor and gives me fresh perspective to press on for another day.

 

A Whole Lot of Simple

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This is a guest post I wrote for my friend, Jessica, and was featured on her blog today.  Check out her creative ideas and beautiful photography!

Dear New Mama,

I used to think I knew what being a mom was all about.  Eleven years ago, we held our firstborn baby: a beautiful girl who weighed a mere 6lbs 3oz, but whose spirit more than made up for her size.  Deep within her heart there has always been a spark.  It lights up when she sees you, and her heart wraps around life like a hug.  More experienced mamas always told me to “enjoy every moment” because they pass so quickly.  I believe them now, as I stand eye-to-eye with my curly-haired beauty of a daughter and discuss things like marriage, boys, friendships, and other adult-like topics.  I’m reminded of it when I root around in her drawer to borrow one of her shirts, or when she grabs my sneakers as we head out the door.  I’m reminded of how fast time flies, but I’ll also never forget those first few months.

She was about a week old when God gave my husband an epiphany.  This revelation truly changed how I have viewed motherhood the past eleven years.  We were visiting my sister and brother-in-law, and the first night there our little peanut of a daughter just wouldn’t stop crying.  She wore little grey footie pajamas with a trapdoor covering its bottom.  She was beyond cute.  But she wouldn’t stop crying.  I nursed her, rocked her, and the tears fell from my exhausted eyes.  Eventually, I handed her off to Matthew and told him how I couldn’t do it anymore.  This mom stuff just was beyond my ability.  I was angry, confused, and tired.  That night God spoke to him.

He said, She’s not trying to upset you.  Just love her.  Here I was, thinking this one-week-old little baby was on a mission: Upset Mom.  She had no more of an agenda to make me angry than I had to give birth again.  Yet I viewed her wailing as a personal vendetta against me for something I had done.  Frustrated, I expected her to know how much I needed to sleep and stop crying.

It wasn’t until a few years ago that my second epiphany came.  It was more like a bullet shot straight at me, knocking me over with its force.  We were driving home from somewhere and my husband told me flat-out how he didn’t think I liked being a mom.  My attitude and actions showed a shoving away, a pushing aside of what I was called to be and do.  I couldn’t have verbalized it as succinctly as he did.  Most likely I would have labeled my behavior as “exhausted mommy syndrome”.  When I let myself in on my own secret, however, I knew he was right.  I didn’t like being a mom.  I wanted to be just ME again.  No strings attached at my hips, my tummy, my breasts, my hands, my shoulders.  I was so tired of being needed every minute of every day.  I had bought into the lie that children are inconvenient and draining me of my very life.

There are many chapters to be written from that moment to today, but I want you to know how raw and real motherhood is.  It’s way more than a baby registry, leggings, and wall decals.  It’s more complicated than a birth plan or a nursery theme.  Yet it’s as simple as a bedtime story, a back-rub and knowing your child’s favorite color.  It’s not about the jogging stroller you use, it’s about the time you spend with your children.  It’s not about whether or not your tummy goes back to its original shape and size.  It’s more about tickle fights and soothing scary dreams.  Motherhood isn’t about you as much as it’s about who needs you.  Your worth isn’t found in how you measure up to anyone else, it’s in how much you love.  You will be depleted and exhausted to your very core, and then you will be filled up again and again with a love as strong as death.  All the tough answers won’t be found in textbooks or parenting seminars, but rather in your child’s heart as you get to know them.

By the time our fifth baby bettered this world by her arrival, I was given yet another epiphany.  It was almost too simple of a thing not to have realized yet.  It dawned on me that the best possible way to enjoy the fleeting months of babyhood was to actually hold onto my baby.  Not put her in something across from me, next to me, or in a different room than me.  I held that sweet baby girl more than I ever held anyone.  Not to say she never went to her bed or into a highchair, but I wasn’t so quick to use those things when I “got tired” of being needed.  Heaven knows I get tired of being needed.  But it’s not about me as much as it is about embracing how much they need me.

There is no such thing as a Supermom.  There aren’t any secret capes to pin onto your exhausted shoulders.  There aren’t any magic pills to swallow or programs to complete.  Supermoms have everything together, and I’ve never met one yet.  But there are moms whose kids hug them just because they know they won’t be pushed away.  There are moms whose quality of life isn’t reflected in how pristine and organized her home is, but rather in how obviously used and loved her home is.  There are moms who are secretly awesome.  If your biggest fans are the faces who sit at the dinner table with you each day, then you are a super mom.  If you love your children unconditionally, then you are a super mom.  If who you are isn’t defined by how well you do things, then you are a super mom.  If you allow yourself the grace of being imperfect, then you are a super mom.  If you know how to say I’m sorry, then you are a super mom.

On the days when it’s hard, remember they are not out to get you.  On the days you just want out of this job, hold them a little closer.  On the days you’re running on empty, give just a little bit more. Children weren’t made to drain us of our life, but rather to enrich our life.  I challenge you to be present more than perfect.  I encourage you to love them right where they are today and not to wish away each and every stage of life for the next.  It’s time to bury our selfish sleep-loving selves and give it everything we’ve got.

I used to think being a mom meant having a baby.  Now I know it means a whole lot of simple, blended with the Divine, making the mundane beautiful.  Welcoming your child into your family is what gives you the title, but it’s the everyday inglorious things which really shape you into a mother.

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Everything New Today, or ENT

/ amylynw / 1 Comment

As usual, this week has passed about as quickly as the wind that whips my hair through the open windows of the car.  This phone dump is a smattering of what has blown through this week:

My life, in our van, is always noisy.  I admit, I’m jealous of folks who say their kids get sleepy in the car.  Ours tend to go a bit wild.  They tell jokes, do anything and everything to annoy their neighbor, cry, sing, tattle, and do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.  I experienced an almost-flat tire last Saturday.  When I drove into the gas station to check it out, I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet when a very nice man started to pump up my visibly flat tire.  Turns out there was a screw in there, and was easily fixed later.

A city date with friends did my claustrophobic mommy-heart good.  There are some days when the walls of home and car seem very tight, and the expanse of the city line eases the life-is-closing-in-feeling.  We ate at an Ethiopian restaurant which served stellar samosas, delicious dinner and the most amazing coffee I’ve ever had.  It was so good, that I tried my hand at cooking it at home, with great success and happiness.

Another highlight was our 10-10 at 10:10 date to get Elsie’s cast off her arm!  With a clean bill of health, she is back to speeding across monkey bars.

This week it was an honor seeing my 4th and 5th grade teacher from when I lived in Africa.  When time telescopes like this, I shake my head in wonder at how I have such clear memories of when I was as old as two of my children.

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Other highlights include the fact that I need reading glasses.

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Yesterday, two of my accessory-loving children got into my closet.  It was a much-needed diversion from school.

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Then somehow the outfit helped Jack get through the rest of his work a little easier.

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Cooking is on an upswing for me, after a long bout in non-inspiration land.

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Matthew visited the ENT this week and found out he has a yeast infection in his throat, so he’s on medicine for that now.  His voice continues to be hoarse and he’s trying to rest it as much as possible.  Otherwise, he feels well.  In the next couple of weeks he needs to meet up with the plastic surgeon who did the surgery on his eyes a couple of years ago.  We will need to set up a long-term game plan for possible future reconstructive surgery of his sinus area.   The bridge of his nose is collapsing, and before a situation might become emergent, we need to figure out some possible courses of action.  We would love to stop the medical dates, trips to the pharmacy, and be immune to disease.  Yet, we know Jesus more through trial than through ease.  We grow when the weight is heavy, not light.  This temporary home loses much of its charm when it’s full of trouble, and our heavenly home grows more beautiful.  Knowing every situation is allowed by God who knows and loves us more deeply than we’ll ever understand, gives comfort and peace beyond explanation.  One day ENT will have a new meaning for us: that day when Jesus makes everything new.  Everything New Today… might be today!

 

Neigh-deen The Horse Whisperer

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My horse girl had her dream-come-true birthday when she participated in her first horse show.  It’s been a little late in coming, but here are the pictures of our beautiful 11-year-old girl doing what she loves best!

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Those chocolate eyes do a much better job of melting than intimidating.

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The boys found a friend who shares Elijah’s birthday.  They had fun playing together and watched Nadine occasionally.

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Nadine won seven ribbons, including 2nd place for jumping!  She is so graceful on a horse!

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As her brother likes to say, You and Daddy named her neeeeigh-deen because she loves horses!  Well, that is not actually the reason, but it’s a fun play on words!  Way to go, baby girl!

 

Eyes Open To Beautiful

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Things I’ve been loving about our children:

When Jack wraps his arms around me just because.  When he tells stories, his voice gets deeper and he sounds like a little man weaving a tale of seriousness.  I love that he is brave enough and has the imagination wide enough to wear a cowboy hat for an entire day all throughout the city of Philadelphia.  2013-09-27 16.42.01

I love how his trusty sidekick wears a pink cast and also a swell hat.  I also love that by the time we got home, he had transformed into “Bill” and talked in a cowboy accent and enjoyed his “cowboy soup” for supper.
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I love how they make celebrities out of ordinary people.  Like the other day when Jack and Elsie took their mini white erase boards to our next-door neighbor and asked him to please sign his name.  They got so excited when he did so, and didn’t erase their boards for the rest of the day.

Betty is so verbal and polite.  On Friday we went with some friends on the train to the Franklin Institute.  When we got off the train, she said, Thank you for the train, Mommy!  After walking through the giant heart, she ran up to me and said, That was amazing!  My heart is amazing!  Unbelievable.DSC_4693-001

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Jack discovering how polymers work… relieved when the cup of water did NOT dump onto his head!2013-09-26
Nadine did a great job blowing up a balloon!

At the end of the extremely fun day, things melted down on the train ride home.  My friend got this great picture of how things REALLY looked those last few minutes.  Tired mommies, tired kiddos.
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The next morning Betty’s sweet thankful heart was back again after a good night’s rest and she told me:  Thank you for the eggs and bacon, Mommy.  I’m going to wash my hands.  I’m going to do it myself.    And proceeded to do so.  She is somewhat of a self-acclaimed vegetarian, but she loves bacon!

A couple of weeks of school have finished and I’m thrilled they are still smiling!  We even have ninjas who sometimes attend.  Elsie wrote everything on her board all by herself.  The last line is my favorite, translated: I love God as well.
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My fifth student helped me chop a ton of peppers to freeze for the winter.  Sometimes she can be very serious about her work, but she is always a really cute and helpful chef!
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There are always things I am learning and loving about our children.  I always want my eyes to be wide open to the beautiful, amongst the mess and flurry that is life.  

Third Annual Kids’ Day

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It was a beautiful sight when the kids got home from being at Grandma’s after Matthew was released from the hospital.  It was impossible to fully capture the joy, hugs and squeals.August 20136
Two days later, we declared it to be our third annual kids day!  This is something we started three years ago, and each August we celebrate our fabulous kids with surprises and fun!  Jack and Matthew went to the store early in the morning and bought little gifts for everyone.  Next, we had waffles and ice-cream for breakfast before setting off on a bowling expedition.  The kids had never been bowling before.  It was a nice excuse to use the bumpers for us older folks who haven’t bowled since my belly looked like a bowling ball ten years ago!
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The second place we went was the dollar movie theatre, which turned out to be a great memory as well!  We ended our day with a pop-in at some friends’ and then a visit at Grandma’s to see my brother and his family.  Kids’ day was a success, and we are so thankful for our amazing children who bring us so much joy.  They challenge and inspire us and constantly keep us seeking God.

Yesterday, Elsie was wearing ALL yellow, and Betty was wearing much pink.  Elsie looked at Betty and commented: She’s so cute!  She’s so pink!  I’m so yellow!
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When I went to pick up Jack from a friend’s house, it was just about dark as we got ready to drive away.  He remembered he left his jackknife in the grass.  He ran up the driveway and started to kick the ground around a large area of grass.  Five seconds later, he ran back to the car, knife in hand.  I looked at him in awe.  This is the kid who claims he is not a good “looker” and can’t seem to find something in a well-lit room, let alone a huge lawn in the dark.  I asked him how he found it so quickly.  His reply?  My feet know where everything is.  Of course!  Next time I will ask his feet to do the finding.

On our drive home we got talking about heaven.  He thought for a bit and then said, When everyone on earth is in heaven, this world is going to be left in sadness.  Wow.

Elsie, in mother-like fashion was trying to help out an older sibling who was having a bit of rivalry with another sibling.  Her advice astounded me and reminded me that I guess they really are listening! This is what she said:
Well, maybe you should work it out.  Nope, that wasn’t an option.
Well, maybe you should apologize.  Not trying that either.
Well, maybe you should just walk away. Good girl!

I do love overhearing different conversations in the car between the back-seat dwellers.  Jack and Elijah were discussing broken bones.  He asked Elijah: Have I broken anything? 
No, Elijah said.
How do you know?
I’ve been here all your life.  Enough said.

Today they were having a “gentleman tea party”, complete with lego “newspapers”.  Elijah thinks the raw sugar we use is “camping sugar” and Jack commented about the whole experience: We’re like men.  I LOVE that my boys think drinking tea is manly.  One conversation during this gentlemanly time went like this:
Elijah:  Jack, I was thinking.  If the age of driving was about the age of seven, there would be a lot of dead people in the world…  No offense.

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Nadine was able to start horseback riding lessons again this week.  There is a very real hole in her heart that gets filled when she’s around horses.  She even jokes that her name is perfect: They call me neighhhhh-deen because I love horses!
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Betty is a little walky-talky, except for when she’s sitting in her special little chair… which she brings everywhere.  Yesterday while we were driving, she saw some geese.  She matter-of-factly said, I love birds.  Elsie loves birds.  Mommy loves birds.  When Jack got home from his friend’s house, she ran up to him, gave him a huge hug and exclaimed: I LOVE you, Jack!  She knows how much I love to hear her say, Yes ma’am, so she says it a lot.  It sounds a lot like, Yes, man.

Tomorrow, we officially start school.  Our school room is ready to go, and teacher is a bit trembling in her gut, but excited.  I’m excited to see if our new approach will work smoother than last year, and I’m pumped to share how we do things, after we have settled in a bit.  Speaking of, I need to get back to planning!

Four Times Four Plus One

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We’ve been home over a week now, and every day Matthew is stronger.  He is heavily medicated, but we are thankful!  Yesterday was his first day back at work and he still feels well.  He will begin more stringent treatments on Monday, having weekly infusions of a drug called Rituxan for a month.  This helped in the past to put him in a good place health-wise, and we pray it does this time too!

The weekend turned into a wonderful family reunion and all four of us “original” Watt kids and our families were altogether again.  Four kids has multiplied into seventeen grand-kids!  We are blessed!  Here is the cousin line-up from oldest (almost 17 years old) to youngest (two and a half).
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The “Watt girls”.  I missed the memo about the turquoise shirt.
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A collection of cell phone shots:
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My camera was balanced on a chair and pointing at a jaunty angle, but here is the whole family.  Not too bad, for staring at a big open yard and an inanimate camera.
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My sweet Betty with her baby browns.  If you ask her what color her eyes are, she will tell you: brown.
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This is one of the many reasons I love my family.  We pray for each other whether we’re apart or together.2013-09-01 19.26.34
Some of my favorite people.  I share shoes with my boys, and my daughter is the same height as me.  Life is beautifully marching right along.  DSC_3984-001

We Are Glad

/ amylynw / 3 Comments

Sitting in the hospital gives you a lot of time to think.  Matthew has had a pretty good day, after a more scary evening yesterday.  Every moment is such a gift!  Finding joy in God’s word, humor in little things, and I did some push-ups and squats for Matthew.  Not exactly what the cardiac floor is used to, I suppose.  (By the way, his heart is great, it just helps them monitor him better by being on this floor.)
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We miss our babies, but are so thankful for family close by who are taking such good care of them for us.  We love flipping out the nurses by telling them we have five kids.  The boys made cards for Matthew and Elijah’s said, Be brave.

I jotted some funnies down from the past two weeks.

After explaining something to Jack, he said to me, I’ve been growing, and…I have listening ears now… Finally.

 

Betty is becoming more and more vocal.  A few weeks ago we were looking at the birthmark on the back of her arm and she said, I have a birk!  She loves to say, Hey, Mommy!  Hey, Mommy!  Over and over until I respond.  And then she’ll say it again.  She had an awful virus the past 10 days that affected her mouth, but I hear from Grandma that she is eating and talking just like herself now.

Elsie dreams of being a ballerina.  As she donned her ratty tutu and sparkly hello kitty shoes she told me how it all could go: You can put pony tails in my hair, go to the store, get ballerina shoes, and take me to ballerina class!  

As we were driving, I asked her to pray.  So she started praying and it went something like this:  Thank you for this day, thank you for our car… punch-buggy white!  And please help us drive safely…  I love her thought process!  She also is the best at playing punch-buggy!  A very observant little girl.

As we hang out, I’ve reflected over the past couple of weeks in pictures.

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Left to Right, starting from the top, here are some of my favorite memories of the past two weeks:

Reading Pat the Bunny on the front porch five times in a row.  Betty would always kiss the page with Daddy’s scratchy face.
Matthew fixed the over-heating problem we were having with the van!  After hours of grease and sweat, he beat the heat.
Our neighbor gave us their old queen-sized bed.  Around 10 PM the men got stuck half way up the stairs with the box spring.  Not only did they sawzall it to make it work, but then Matthew reconstructed it so we could sleep there that night.  It is SO comfortable and makes me feel like a queen!
Sick little Betty snuggling in aforementioned bed with sick daddy.
On good days, Matthew had been working on our backyard shed!  It looks so nice, and is almost finished!
Mint tea from our garden and God’s word is always a good way to start ones day.
Betty started to feel better and we had a fun little time on the trampoline while we watched Daddy work.
The older 3 kids were at Grandma Weldon’s for a couple of days.  When we went to pick them up, Elsie started laughing and crying all at once with the sheer joy of seeing them again!
Paleo fudge shaped like a heart.  What’s not to love?
Jack and Elsie comparing loose teeth in the car.
Being sick is no fun, but when you can lean on each other, it makes it a bit easier to bear.
A diet of applesauce and yogurt is made more fun when you can eat yogurt with your fingertips.
Free ice-cream and brothers.
Earning free ice-cream from the library for doing many hours of reading!
Riding the tricycle at Grandma’s house is better together!
Jack loves the color orange and his giant Tigger!  He strapped him into a car seat and everything!

My friend came by today and blessed me with this mug.  When I finished drinking my tea, there was my favorite verse written on the bottom of the cup: The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!  Psalm 126:3  He has indeed!

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What Rhymes With Watermelon?

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Between watermelon feasts and swimming pools, it truly feels like summer.  Elijah is best at cleaning out the watermelon “rhyme” as he was calling it.  Although he didn’t eat all of these in one sitting, as a family, we have downed one watermelon per day for the past three days.  It’s been delightful.  Two fresh ones sit in the fridge waiting their consumption.

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I have especially enjoyed it tossed in a salad.  Today I crumbled up leftover hamburgers (which had pureed carrots, zucchini, garlic, onions, tomatoes, and basil in them), pulled some swiss chard from our garden, threw in a few leftover sweet potatoes, and diced watermelon.  YUM.  Summer in a bowl.  A little salty, a little pesto hint from the basil, and sweet from the watermelon.  It was amazing.

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Betty came downstairs wearing these overalls.  They used to be her Daddy’s!  Everyone has worn them at least once.  

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The other night I had Nadine tuck Elsie into bed.  A half hour later I walked by her room to see Elsie looking up at her in rapt attention while Nadine told her a horse story.  I was about to say, Go to bed, now!  When Nadine mouthed over Elsie’s head: I’m having so much fun!  The giggles and stories persisted until very late.  Who am I to stop sisterly bonding?

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Our gardens have fairly popped with color and growth!  I spent awhile in the dark tonight, weeding foot-long elephant grass from my daisies.  There is something incredibly peaceful about nighttime gardening.  Every day a new flower appears.  Currently my favorite are the tiger lilies.  The sight of them is something to behold, but I wish I could post how they smell.  Smell is not something easily stored up or snapped into a scent-o-graph.  If I could, I would capture the glamorous and deep perfume of a lily.  Instead, I get its yellow pollen smeared across my face when I bury my nose inside of it to remember the smell deep within my memory bank.

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